What Your Team is Saying When You're Not in the Room

Ever wondered what people are saying about you when you leave the room?

Most leaders have a clue, but the full picture is often a surprise.

It’s that gut feeling, the subtle shifts in team dynamics.

But what if you could lift the veil and get a clear picture?

I’ve worked with many leaders who, despite their achievements, struggle with a common challenge: their impact on others.

Particularly with strong-willed, dominant leaders, a consistent theme emerges.

These leaders are typically high achievers who drive results and push boundaries. But there’s a flip side to this powerful persona.

The data is clear through countless 360 feedback sessions: these leaders are often perceived as intimidating, controlling, and lacking empathy.

They can come across as harsh, perfectionistic, and even fear-inducing.

And while you might think these are common male traits, think again. I’ve worked with high-power women who have cast the same impressions.

The consequences of maintaining this leadership style can be severe.

High turnover, decreased morale, and stifled innovation culture are just a few of the ways your team's talent and potential could be going untapped.

Here are four themes that stood out:

1. Fear and Intimidation: Leaders often create environments where people are afraid to speak up, leading to a culture of fear and decreased innovation.
2. Command and Control: A tendency to micromanage and dictate rather than inspire and empower.
3. Lack of Emotional Intelligence: Difficulty understanding and responding to the emotions of others, leading to miscommunication and strained relationships.
4. Perfectionism and Rigidity: Unrealistic expectations and a resistance to change that stifled creativity and collaboration.
5. Bottleneck and Over-Involvement: Getting involved too often and not delegating enough prevents people from moving independently and at their best.

The challenge lies not in awareness but in translating that knowledge into tangible behavioral changes. While often stemming from a desire to achieve, these behaviors can inadvertently create a toxic work environment.

Yet, these leaders are often puzzled. They’re successful, driven, and passionate. So, why change?

It’s not about abandoning your strengths but augmenting them with empathy and emotional intelligence.

It’s about becoming a more well-rounded leader who can inspire, motivate, and achieve results without sacrificing relationships.

All these leaders also received similar results through an EQ assessment they took as part of the coaching engagement.

The same four areas were low:

Emotional Self-Awareness:

Understanding your triggers and reactions is crucial. It helps you recognize when your emotions might impact your behavior and interactions.

Tip: Check in with your inner state: angry, frustrated, stressed, or rushed. It's going to show. Pause and reset.

Impulse Control:

Pausing before reacting is essential. It allows you to make more thoughtful decisions and avoid impulsive actions that can alienate your team.

Tip: Here again, pause: take a deep breath, ask yourself what alternative actions you can take, or just wait.

Emotional Expression:

Sharing your emotions can build trust and inspire others. It also humanizes you, making you more approachable.

Tip: Pay attention to eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice, then use emotional vocabulary to  describe your state according to a situation (anxious, worried, secure, confident) - Share and comment for others to understand you

Empathy:

Start with empathy for yourself, then assimilate others’ perspectives. This will foster stronger relationships and improve your ability to connect with your team.

Tip: Listen and quiet your mind; predict how they could act and what issues you must be sensitive about. Think of questions to ask so you can understand them.

The good news is that small changes can make a big difference.

It’s about paying attention to your words, tone, body language, and, most importantly, what triggers you.

It’s about being more mindful of your impact on others.

Focusing on these areas can create a more positive and productive work environment while maintaining your drive and determination.

You can become the kind of leader people want to follow – someone who inspires, empowers, and achieves extraordinary results.

If you, or anyone you know, are the person people talk about with the same words when not in the room, maybe it’s time to make a change.

I see you.🤨

Reach out!

Roberto 👋🏼