What’s on my mind: COVID-19, tattoos, fireflies and moments that matter

*Please note that my thoughts below includes references to suicide*

A few weeks ago, our holiday was a bit dampened by COVID-19 making its way into our home. As we isolated, fought through the symptoms and eventually recovered, I had a revelation. 

My son was desperately trying to test negative, he needed two negative antigen tests 24 hours apart to get out of isolation and so day after day he would test and either be depressed and go back in his room or have that ray of hope that he might get to spend one or two days with his friends before he had to return to Colorado. 

My husband, Tyson and I did not think anything of it. Of course, an 18-year-old freshman in college wants to have that legal pint in the pub with his friends in England, especially before returning to the USA, where 21 is the legal drinking age. As test one came through (negative) and then test two came through (negative), there was this “more than usual” excitement coming over him for his freedom. 

He decided to go into London with his friends (again, not so unusual) but kept referencing a “special appointment”. He was very secretive, going back and forth in front of us as to whether he should tell us what his secret appointment was or not. After about 30 minutes of probing him for more information on this “special appointment”, he told us that he was getting a tattoo. 

At first, we were in a slight state of shock and went into the normal parent routine of asking if he was going to a safe place? Is it clean? Does it have a good reputation? Where is it? And then the ultimate question… what are you getting? He said that would have to be a surprise and to wish him luck. After a few hours of waiting in suspense, we finally got a picture: a firefly.

To ten million fireflies

Of course, we asked, why a firefly? He told us that he and his friends all wanted to get a matching tattoo and that their favourite song is Fireflies by Owl City (Owl City - Fireflies (Official Music Video) - YouTube). 

“But it’s deeper than that, mom”, he said. And he proceeded to tell us how all insects have some form of precognitive signs that can announce events that are about to come into our lives. That it’s about becoming closer to nature and listening to all those small signs that speak to us in various ways, it’s up to us to listen to them and follow their lead. The firefly is the ultimate illuminator. 

Now he is sounding like a proper Engineer 😊.

I told him it was amazing and clear he’d really thought it through and that I loved why he picked the firefly. He said, “Mom, we have been planning this for months!”

He did not tell me, but I knew, that about nine months ago, when we were in hard lockdown here in the UK, one of his friends tried to commit suicide. 

He was a single child who was suffering severely from being isolated. That night, my son picked up on some disturbing messages, messages that sounded a lot like a call for help. 

He got really scared and came into the living room and told Tyson and me that he was really worried about his friend. We, of course, took this seriously and immediately started tracking down his parents. After a few calls, we were able to find his mom, who was down the street visiting a friend. She took immediate action and asked her husband to go and check on him. I will spare you the details, but he was in the middle of trying to take his life. We caught it just in time, thanks to Alex listening to these signs.

Moments that matter

The firefly tattoo is more than just a symbol of their favourite song. It’s a symbol that marks the illumination that happened on that night. It is the closeness of their friendship that enabled Alex to listen to the small signs and follow their lead by taking action.

When your 18-year-old gets a tattoo, you usually shake your head and think that’s going to be an interesting ink-blob when you are 70. 

But when Alex got this tattoo, all I could think was these kids are more connected to nature and the impact it has on us. More connected to each other through technology, even though they are going to Universities all over the world. And more connected to each other, creating a lifelong bond that for me will forever be illuminating.

January can be a time when many of us feel a slight depression. For us in the UK, it is cold, dark and we have a few more months to go before turning off our seasonal affective disorder (SAD) lights. Put on top of the fact that we’re still in work-from-home isolation, COVID continues to surround us, and the continuing political situations around the world, motivation can be low and that “light at the end of the tunnel” hard to see. Depression can easily set in – even if just a mild version of it (I felt it last week).

It can be easy to get dragged down into the doomsday situation. But if we look up, you’ll see the trees blow in the wind; you’ll feel the brisk air waking you up, you will hear the birds sing as they thank us for feeding them, you’ll see that flower that is blooming early and getting ready for spring. Most of all, you will sense the people around you. Those that give you energy, those that listen with intent even if what you have to say is not that positive. And those that just generally make you feel better and help you get through these “SAD” days. The people that “illuminate” your life.

In these winter months and COVID days, I encourage you to take time to spend with your friends and family and reach out to your colleagues. Listen with intent, engage without distraction (put the phone down) and maybe YOU will feel the illuminating power of the firefly and be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Getting help

If you’re concerned about someone having suicidal thoughts you can find out more about how you can support them here. If you think someone is in immediate danger, the quickest way to get help is to call an ambulance.

If you’re looking for advice on how to support a friend or relative, you can find advice with the app CALM.