What's in a name? Trying to decipher the narrative against parental alienation

There is a really strong reaction to the term "parental alienation" amongst the Family Court community.

In the red corner we have the deniers. Ardent haters of the term, claiming it to only be a term used by abusers, inhabited by those who have had it used against them.

In the blue corner we have those who have experienced it either personally or professionally. Lawyers, parents, children, judges.

The water is muddied with false allegations from both sides.

Yes some parents claim to be alienated when they aren't.

Yes some parents claim to have been abused when they weren't.

There's evidence on both sides.

Does that mean it doesn't exist? Of course not.

Cluster B Personality Disordered individuals use alienation to meet their own needs. They have mastered the art of manipulation and deception. Is is THESE personalities who are damaging children and further abusing their victims.

Are personality disorders gender specific? Absolutely not. Men and women can be affected by psychological disorders.

The statistics show us that while men are more likely to be diagnosed with Antisocial personality disorder and Narcissistic personality disorder, women are more likely to be diagnosed with Histrionic personality disorder and Borderline personality disorder. All four of these PD's sit under the Cluster B umbrella.

Cluster B's are characterised by erratic, dramatic and emotional behaviour. They are seductive and emotionally persuasive. Manipulative and deceptive.

Men and women. No discrimination.

Alienation is manipulation and deception in it's most abusive form. It manipulates a child's mind, professionals emotions and judgement, and deceives everyone into making them believe the abuser is the victim.

It is a behaviour seen in both men and women. No discrimination.

So why the vitriolic response to the word "alienation"?

I keep seeing the argument that it was invented by a paedophile. Richard Gardner. Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that his comments regarding child sexual abuse were absolutely unacceptable, it makes no sense to me that people are unable to differentiate between the behaviours of alienation he describes and his views in regard to sexual abuse. Are deniers stating the behaviours do not exist or that because the person who said them also said something unacceptable, they should not be taken seriously?

What about all the years of research which followed which Gardner had nothing to do with? Is that irrelevant because one person out of thousands who also said it, was wrong about something else? What about all the personal testimonies of children who were alienated as children, parents who are alienated now, do they not matter?

One person stated that all the terminology was incorrect: gatekeeping, enmeshment, unhealthy attachment, parental triangulation, toxic parenting, and most recently, resist-refuse dynamic. Some solid psychological constructs dismissed because of what?

There is also the undercurrent of "all abuse allegations must be believed - but only if they are made by women". This IS discrimination.

I have personally witnessed a mother using these tactics to turn her children against their father. On more than one occasion.

Psychology shows us that children cling to their abusers. Trauma bond to use it's colloquial term. Attachment suppression to use it's psychological one.

I fear that what we are seeing with this hatred of the term alienation is an attempt to deny the reality that women as well as men can be abusive because that itself rips at the very heart of our society. Women are supposed to be loving and nurturing. They can't possibly hurt children.

We had the same reaction here in the UK when Beverley Allitt was found to have killed four children and attempting to murder three others. We struggle with the concept of female psychopaths. We have a conditioned view of abusers as being aggressive and violent and women as being weak and vulnerable.

As a woman I have felt that full array of emotions. I have been aggressive and violent (threw my hoover down the stairs). I have also walked home alone and felt weak and vulnerable. All humans have the capacity for all emotions and all behaviours.

To believe that only one gender is capable of abuse is alarming and quite ignorant and worryingly dangerous.

Female psychopaths use a different methodology but they are no less dangerous to others, particularly children. And their numbers are no less than their male counterparts. The only difference being the narrative placed around them. Men are sent to prison. Women are sent to a psychiatrist.

The issue of alienation is complex but it is real. It is a dark truth that society is struggling to accept. It brings into question all that we know about dangerous and abusive people and almost makes it mainstream.

I personally think we need to have conversations and to be objective rather than dismissive and devisive.

So let's talk.....