WHEN THE SELF SAYS – ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. NOW BE READY TO GET ATTACKED!!

THE EPISODE:

Day 1 (4 days ago) –

-- I had a long day at work and some meetings that took longer than expected.

-- It was raining since afternoon, so it took a while for me to reach home.

-- I entered home at around 9:30pm.

-- I was received by the usual scene in the drawing room – the television was on, and my aunt was lying down, watching some random movie.

-- I started walking towards the washroom to freshen up and suddenly paused and looked behind. Something did not feel right.

-- My aunt, who was normally chirpy and involved in the movies she watches, was lying down like an obedient child and I could feel the silence in the air.

-- I immediately rushed towards her and happened to keep my hand on her back – It was ice cold.

-- I made her sit and saw her face – something was definitely wrong.

-- At first, she did not acknowledge her pain. She kept saying she was fine and just feeling tired.

-- Then, she reached out for a muscular pain relief spray and sprayed it across the left side of her chest.

-- She then asked me to spray it on her back.

-- I raised my voice a bit (similar to how we talk with our children when they act stubborn and refuse to listen).

-- I saw a slight fear in her eyes, and she disclosed that she was experiencing pain around her heart and in her back.

-- I suggested that I will immediately take her to the hospital to see what is wrong. 

-- She refused.

-- I raised my voice.

-- She panicked and said she did not want to go to the hospital as it will add a financial obligation to my already existing load. She did not want to burden me further due to her health reasons.

-- I raised my voice again.

-- She stubbornly said she will go to her room and sleep and should be fine the next morning.

-- I raised my voice once again and this time it was loud.

-- I held her hand and made her stand up. She could barely stand.

-- Finally, I managed to get her into the lift and into a cab with three of us holding on to her and we reached the nearest available hospital.

The diagnosis –

-- Her BP had shot up to a very dangerous and life-threatening level.

-- The ECG report concluded that she was under heart attack (and a massive one).

-- The ECG report also concluded that she was under heart attack for probably the entire day (and she had not uttered a word to anyone).

The Outcome –

-- Immediate admission in the ICU (We were given just 15 mins to decide).

-- Immediate administration of a blood thinner injection that would give her some relief (And this injection was expensive enough to give me a good amount of discomfort – so much for my aunt trying to reduce my financial burden).

Day 2 and Day 3 -

-- Constant observation and administration of the required medication and care.

-- Seeing positive progress and her body slowly relaxing and responding to the medication.

-- She was feeling much better and wanted to get back home.

-- She kept enquiring about how we were managing all home chores and was worried if we were watering the plants on time.

-- She was slightly emotional and kept thanking me for getting her to the hospital in time.

-- She was also blaming GOD and wondering why GOD is making her suffer.

Day 4 (Today) –

-- She has been shifted out of the ICU and will be kept under observation for 24 hours in a normal room.

-- Once she is better, the doctors have suggested an Angiography to establish the extent of the blockages which will lead to further treatment. The doctors are a bit concerned as there was a huge time lag between the start of the attack and the initiation of the treatment. They said she is one of the lucky few to have survived such a massive and prolonged heart attack.

This is a true and current incident. What is the outcome and how all our lives will change; is something only time will disclose.

MY REALIZATION AND LEARNING:

Our greatest strength can sometimes become our greatest weakness.

(I am thinking aloud) -- I am a parent at home, and I am a leader at work. In my roles, I am responsible to take care of my family and my organization. I must ensure that the journey is smooth for all my dependents, and we are progressing as a family and as an organization.

My greatest strength is my intent to always help people and my ability to be a good listener. And I always get appreciated for these qualities and am looked upon as a role model as well.

The more appreciation I receive, the more I listen and help others.

The above description is me, and my aunt is an exact replica of me. She may not be handling a team, but she is taking care of her children (now adults) at home. She is all of the above – a great listener, always helping others, keeping others’ welfare in the forefront before hers and always smiling. And yet, she was attacked by her own heart. If this could happen to her, it could happen to me too!

(Continuing to think aloud):

A) I am a great listener. I listen to understand my children and my team members all the time.

(reflection) - HOW OFTEN DO I TALK TO THEM AND VOICE MY FEELINGS AND STATE OF MIND?

B) I am always looking at ways to help and support my children and my team members.

(reflection) - HOW OFTEN DO I REACH OUT TO THEM FOR HELP AND SUPPORT?

C) I find it very difficult to say ‘NO’ as I believe it may hurt my children and my team members and I want to keep them happy.

(reflection) - HOW OFTEN HAVE I HURT MYSELF DUE TO MY INABILITY TO SAY ‘NO’?

(reflection) - HOW OFTEN HAVE I SWALLOWED MY PAIN AND HURT, LEADING TO FEELING UNHAPPY AND SAD?

D) I always go quiet and give in, during heated debates and discussions, to manage the conflict and bring about peace and sanctity at home and at work.

(reflection) - WHEN I DO THIS, HAVE I CONSIDERED THE FACT THAT BY MANAGING THINGS ALL THE TIME, I AM ACTUALLY TEACHING OTHERS THAT THEY CAN TAKE ME FOR GRANTED?

(reflection) - DO I EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT OTHERS PROBABLY TAKE ME FOR GRANTED BECAUSE THEY SEE ME TAKING MYSELF FOR GRANTED? (I am teaching others how to treat me when they see how I treat my own self)

E) I always think about the feelings and emotions of others and do what it takes to bring a smile on them. This gives me the greatest satisfaction.

(reflection) - AM I CONSCOUS OF THE FACT THAT IT IS MY INTERNAL SYSTEM THAT IS AIDING ME TO BE AVAILABLE FOR OTHERS EMOTIONALLY. (Without the support of my internal system, I would not be able to manage all the stress and pressure consistently and independently).

(reflection) - AM I CONSIDERING MY OWN FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS?

(reflection) - AM I TAKING CARE OF AND KEEPING MY INTERNAL SYSTEM HEALTHY AND HAPPY?

My aunt was attacked by one of her internal systems – her heart. She is on the battlefield alone. Well, I am there along with other family members by her side. However, we are mere spectators who can keep a watch and give instructions. We are not physically on the battlefield with her. She is fighting alone as she was attacked by her own being.

At this hour, while I pen down my thoughts before I go visiting her at the hospital this evening, I hope for her speedy recovery and pray for the least amount of suffering for her. (The suffering is directly proportional to the over-usage of her good qualities and that is most scary as she has always kept others before her own self. Always.)

KEY TAKEAWAY:

Our greatest strength can turn into our greatest weakness.

HOW?

We all have our unique strengths, and we display them to the fullest as that leads to appreciation, which in turn, leads to great satisfaction and fulfilment. This makes us feel accepted and wanted by others and encourages us to display our strengths every time.

However, our human nature and our good qualities and strengths are never standalone. They exist in context to people and life events.

The context of life events - If we focus only on the life events and not on people, we may live with the view that we are giving priority and importance to ourselves and that is ok. We may also achieve a lot of success and power, giving us satisfaction and happiness. But this satisfaction and happiness is our companion as long as the success and power stays with us.

External events are unpredictable, and we can never be in complete control. The moment the control starts slipping away, we may find ourselves being attacked by our own being.

The context of people - If we consider only the people and ignore the life events, we increase the probability of being attacked by our own being, repeatedly. And if we choose to ignore the small warning attacks by our internal system, we may find ourselves under attack by the same internal system which has been supporting us to help others (similar to what my aunt is experiencing).

When this happens, we will have a lot of external support but, no one would be able to take over for us or swap places with us. We would be left fighting alone.

As parents and leaders, we are responsible TO OTHERS, and we are responsible FOR OURSELVES. When we are habituated to taking responsibility for others, we increase the probability of creating a weak and unhealthy life for ourselves and for them.

Our strengths are our blessings that can shield us from being attacked. Our strengths are our blessings, and we are meant to USE THEM FOR OURSELVES AND OTHERS with careful consideration of the context or life event. Depending on the context, we are meant to use our strengths or to temporarily shut down the usage of our strengths.

Our intention for our family and organization is very noble. We want to shield and protect them at all costs. The problem starts when we ignore the small warning signs of a mishap (both internal and external) and continue to shield and protect. The problem starts when we do not highlight and treat the warning symptoms when they start to appear.

As parents and leaders, we need to safeguard ourselves and equip and empower our children and team members to safeguard themselves from any unfortunate eventuality. We need to be aware, alert, and conscious of any oncoming attack and treat all the warning buds before they bloom and take full shape.

It is all about Balance. Everything works in perfect harmony when there is balance.

Close the lid and withdraw when you are threatened by your own strength.

Take care and stay safe!