When to Tell Your Kids About the Divorce #ChooseGoldmanLaw

Divorce is imminent. It is becoming unavoidable. The children haven’t yet heard from you about it. What are you still holding out for? Your children will be picking up things if they are already of an impressionable age. You don’t want rumors about the divorce to reach them. So when is the best time to tell your kids about the divorce?

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Get ahead of the story because that is the only way to control it. The opportunity to discuss it may be constrained by a compelling circumstance. Keep in mind that the longer you wait to discuss it, the less likely it is that you will be able to steer the narrative. There will be things that will reveal it. Find time to get on with it. Get the children seated and discuss it. Tell them that although things will change, you will remain their parent. Different approaches will be taken. Each parent will have their moments with the children.

Will divorce have an impact on children?

For children and adults alike, divorce is often traumatic and challenging. Maintaining communication can be difficult for children aged 6 to 12. Adults are also dealing with the painful processes of loss and sadness. Children who experience divorce may also experience stress due to loss and transition. Children comprehend, recognize, and negotiate their feelings. Feelings include grief, anger, bewilderment, worry, fear, and guilt among others. Children in this age range need loving and supporting parents.

Parents should discuss the divorce with the children together. “Kid-level” explanations of what is happening will be helpful for children. Assure children that things will turn out okay. They want assurance they will survive this with both of their parents still in their lives. Children expect the love of both their mother and father. It is also necessary to repeatedly tell them that they are loved by both parents. Assure your children of the unity of the family between the two houses. It is one of the best and most responsible things parents can do for their children. When adults divorce, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their children will suffer. It should not mean that their families will stop working for them. Children must feel safe. Parents going through a divorce should spend time reaffirming their love and devotion.

Children are blameless about the divorce. Children can’t resolve the situation. Parents as adults should handle it. Without any logical reason, a lot of children will feel bad about their parents’ divorce. Children at a certain age may be too focused on themselves. They think that they are in control. They think they have a say in both the good and terrible things that occur in their environments. 

Parents must focus on maintaining ongoing, honest contact with children. It must go on during and after the divorce. Every time children need reassurance, feelings, and difficulties should be expressed freely. The role of the parent as a social and emotional supporter should never change. 

Parents shouldn’t overshare adult stories. Don’t go into specifics about court cases during conversations with their children. Avoid using words like “custody,” “parenting time,” and “visitation.” These words are considered to be legal or “court language” when speaking to young children. Hearing these words can make an already frightening situation much scarier and more perplexing. The words “custody” and “visitation” should be swapped out. It should be replaced by “responsibility” and “living with” respectively. Avoid using legalese. Children live with their parents; they do not “visit” them.

What is the impact of children knowing about your divorce?

Children’s reactions to divorce might differ substantially on an emotional level. Children experience divorce for the first time. Adults are often better prepared for what is about to happen. It can be both perplexing and alarming to young children. 

Children are the ones who are most severely distressed by their parent’s divorce. This age group typically experiences a lot of stress and confusion. They are moving into new living arrangements. They don’t comprehend why their parents have suddenly stopped liking one another. Children can’t understand why their family is being split up. 

Middle-aged children think that they are to blame for their parent’s separation. Such children perceive intense guilt. Especially when the circumstances of divorce are not well explained. 

Teenagers comprehend what is happening, and their primary emotion is rage. Their daily lives are being disrupted by the divorce, which causes them to get angry. Teenagers try to lay the blame for a divorce on one of their parents.

Different ages have different responses to divorce. A 4-year-old can talk. 16-year-olds can talk differently too. They have different conversations with you. A four-year-old will have quite different worries such as where their toys will end up. A 16-year-old would be concerned about having to change schools. A 16-year-old can be concerned about not being able to take part in teen activities. Give your children as much consistency as you can. Make an effort to adjust to your new situation. It should be one of the main priorities for any relationship. 

Is there a best time to talk about divorce with the children?

You should tell your children as soon as possible about your desire to pursue a divorce. You shouldn’t hold off till your spouse leaves the house. Even if you might assume that children might not be aware of this, they might already be aware of it. Furthermore, they must hear it from you and nobody else. The earlier you discuss divorce with the children, the better.

Some situations defy this generalization. You may not be certain that the divorce is going to happen. At least not yet. You shouldn’t tell your children that you are divorcing. Your children might not need to know yet if you plan to continue living together for another year. 

Now, the separation is expected to happen in the next two to three months. The parenting plan also known as a custody agreement is expected to take effect. A lawsuit is expected to be filed in the next two to three months. You should talk about it now or as soon as possible.

You shouldn’t tell them during birthdays or holidays. Never tell them in front of others or right before bed. Be prepared to defend each other if one of your children acts out against you or your spouse. You shouldn’t use this chat as an occasion to argue your position. If that’s what you want to do, leave it for the courtroom.

When you have this conversation, there are some things you should and shouldn’t do. When you inform the children, you should both be present. You should make an effort to have a general notion of the parenting strategy. Communicate it to the children as plainly as you can. It is necessary to present the divorce as a mutual choice. No one is to blame—not mom, dad, and most definitely not the children. They need to know that both of their parents love them. You will always be there for them. Don’t put your children in a position where they have to pick a side.

Remember each child and their age, will have their way of seeing the divorce. Your children will start to feel sad or angry. Be ready for an emotional rollercoaster ride with them. Every child will uniquely experience the news. You should attempt to figure out how each of your children will react. You are familiar with their personalities and temperaments. Develop a plan of action to deal with their response.

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Goldman and Associates Michigan Family Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.