When Things No Longer Feel Normal

I woke up this morning at my normal time, emptied the dishwasher and made a cup of tea. That felt normal. But I am not in my normal spot. Last week I moved in with special friends who have generously opened their home to me while I renovate my new home. Even though I have only physically moved about three kilometres away, everything is different. Change is both refreshing on one level and scary on another. I spent my weekend finding my bearings and trying to re-centre myself. 

Lessons from packing up

The photograph above was taken after I emptied my bookshelves last week; the backdrop so many of you became familiar with when I have presented online webinars over the past few years. You may remember my lovely wingback chair from coaching calls or more casual presentations. That will go with me. Wait and see.

Here are a few lessons from packing up to live in limbo. I will be living in an interim space with only what is needed for the next two months. The rest is in storage.

• We have far too much stuff and need to regularly have chuck out sessions.
• Decision fatigue is a real thing.
• The less you have the fewer choices you have to make.
• What we really need to be able to function isn’t much, next to everything we have.
• It’s the small things that you can’t find, in or after a move, that drive you nuts (my torch charging cable and the cap I use when exercising, are a case in point!).
• Different people come in to help during a move for different reasons. Even two or three hours of that person's energy and focus, when there is so much going on around you, can push you forward just a little quicker.

We travel better together

Without a doubt, it’s easier to deal with change if you have a support team you can either lean on or lean in to. Invest in your relationships (friends and family). You can only draw on that support if you have invested in it over time. How blessed I am to have friends who have offered me an interim home, others who have helped me pack, and family who have taken in my son and my dogs. Relationships take effort to nurture.

What are you doing to ensure you have built yourself a social network in the real world and not just on Facebook?

How have I got myself back into the driver’s seat this week? 

This is what I have done and these points may help you too:

Organise your physical space

• Work is part of my normal and so I spent a bit of time on Sunday getting my work space organised. That made me feel a whole lot better.

Regain some perspective

• Accepting that I was a feeling rather out of control this weekend -- a very natural human response to change (that I have written and spoken about at length) -- I did one of my famous two-column paper and pen exercises. 
• I wrote down my challenges in the left hand column of a folded piece of paper, and then the solutions in the right hand column. This exercise in perspective, of getting out of one's head and onto the page, is really helpful. The solutions were quite obvious:
• Get back into routine. 
• This means regular wake up and go to bed time, and regular meal times
• Get back to work! It sure beats packing and is a great arena for creative self-expression.
• Exercise. I'll get there. Doing 13 000 - 17 000 steps a day over the past week counts as exercise, don't you think?

Delegate what you can

• Let go of what others can do for you so that you can do more of what fuels your fire or gets you where you need to go.

Running parallel projects and parallel lives

Real life involves having many balls in the air at the same time. It’s always a juggle. You need to develop the skill of deciding which ball to focus on when. Your personal and professional life will always be competing for your time and attention. As your children grow older and move out of home, something else will replace them that requires you to show up.

For me, right now, my parallel life is my renovation project that is full of choices, decisions and deadlines that need to be managed. It’s like having a very demanding client. It’s also about digging deep and getting to know more about myself and what I really want in a living space.

My home needs to be an expression of who I am today.

I leave you with some questions to ponder over a cup of coffee and a journal:

• Who are you? 
• How have you changed and grown over the years? 
• What do you value now that is different to a few years ago?
• When last did you look back at the the journey you have taken to get to here? 
• How are you coping with growth and change?

Have an empowered week.