Who Are You? I Really Wanna Know

Who Are You? I Really Wanna Know

On a companywide call a few weeks ago, I encouraged our colleagues to make 2024 the year to be an illuminator. I had just learned this term in a book I was reading entitled How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by the Toronto-born and raised author David Brooks.  

Brooks already had a tremendous positive influence on me as a leader. He wrote one of my favorite leadership books of all time: The Road to Character, in which he explored the lives of famous historical figures by examining their internal struggles and personal limitations on the path to building a strong character and a life filled with illumination. In How to Know a Person, Brooks focuses more intently on the elements of leadership by encouraging his readers to adopt the “illuminator’s gaze.”  

Here are a few of the things that really resonated with me about how to become a better illuminator. 

Get People to Tell You Their Story 

At TD Securities, we talk a lot about empathy as a core value, but there are actions we all can take to bring empathy to life in our organization.  One thing is listening to other people’s stories.   

Everyone has a story to tell. Illuminators get people to tell their stories and, in doing so, allow people to feel seen. By being an active listener, you can learn so much about how people have reached this very moment. What motivates them? What disappoints them? Learning more about who someone is enables you to think more clearly about what you can do to help them.   

Since starting the TD Securities/TD Cowen integration journey nearly one year ago, I have been on a mission to make 95,000 new friends at TD. I know that is impossible. What I really mean is that I am excited about the potential to learn 95,000 new stories. Each of those stories contains the essence of our organization, and if we can harness our individual stories into a powerful collective, we can accomplish whatever we set out to achieve together. Just the thought of that gives me so much positive energy. 

Legendary Customer Experience Comes from Legendary Colleague Experience 

Almost every time TD’s CEO Bharat Masrani speaks, he talks about how all of us are responsible for delivering Legendary Customer Experience. It is so powerful and so motivating. However, there are a lot of days when I am not speaking directly to a customer because over the last year many of my responsibilities have been internally focused on our colleagues. So, I have chosen to focus much of my energies on helping TD to provide Legendary Colleague Experiences by being an illuminator for others in our organization.   

Believe it or not, I first saw this philosophy in practice during the summer of 1987 when I was the program director at a summer camp in West Virginia. As senior leaders at the camp, we knew that our definition of winning was to provide a legendary experience for our campers. Our challenge was that, with so few senior leaders, we couldn’t deliver that experience to every camper directly. So, we created a new strategy called “Happy Staff, Happy Campers.”  By providing deep joy and genuine excitement for our staff, we believed they would, in turn, do the same for the campers.  

The takeaway is that every person in our organization can make another colleague even better by figuring out ways to help deliver outcomes. That starts with understanding the needs of other people by being an active listener and getting them to tell their stories. 

Don’t Be a “Diminisher” 

The opposite of being an illuminator, Brooks tells us, is being a diminisher, and he recounts how earlier in his life he was a diminisher of sorts. The truth is that we all exhibit some diminisher traits from time to time.  

According to Brooks, the “egotism” trait is the number one reason why people don’t see one another for who they really are. Admittedly, there are times when any of us can make things all about ourselves and our own points of view.  I’m not saying that one shouldn’t stand up for what they believe is right, but if we exhibit “egotism” as a matter of course,  how much learning are we missing because we didn’t leave any oxygen in the room for others to share their opinions?  

The second most common diminisher trait is “anxiety” which can manifest itself with defensiveness.  That means having so much going on in our own heads that we do not listen to others.  When we don’t hear the views of others fully, we limit our ability to absorb critical moments of learning.   

Rather than defend the status quo, we can all consciously open ourselves up to listening for how we can change things for the better. For example, if I am feeling defensive about criticism or comments about a process or area over which I am responsible, I can ask for more input and work with my colleagues to improve it. Bringing my colleagues into the process is a great way to ask them to be a part of solution.  

The key to unlocking the power of helping people to become the best versions of themselves starts with taking the time to get to know one another more deeply so we can be better advocates for one another and better helpers in general.   

Pete Townshend of The Who said it best:  

Oh, tell me, who are you?  

I really wanna know 

Oh, I really wanna know 

Come on, tell me, who are you? 

Thrilled to see the spotlight on empathy and illumination in the workplace! 🌟 Plato once hinted - true wisdom comes in knowing oneself; connecting this to being an illuminator, it's about shining internally to radiate externally. Your insights spark meaningful dialogue! #EmpathyInAction

Like
Reply
Julia Harris Wexler

President APA Search Proactive and results driven Executive Search Partner, with a track record for helping clients build their businesses by recruiting and retaining top talent.

9mo

Thank you for suggesting this important book; illuminators elevate their teams, by shining light on all talents and genuinely "seeing" them. The elevation in performance is a natural consequence of feeling seen and heard.

Like
Reply

I'd love to hear more and will look for that book! We need to illuminate the world these days more than ever, including at work.

Like
Reply
Paul Sarkozi

Chair of Litigation and Dispute Resolution Department, Tannenbaum Helpern Syracuse & Hirschtritt LLP

9mo

I will check it out. I agree that David Brooks does a good job in challenging us to build character and connect on a deeply human level. You've always had that illuminator spirit -- and lots of other spirit -- and it shows in the energy and empathy your kids have always had. I am currently reading 10X is Easier than 2X and listening to a podcast with Charles Duhigg talking about his new book Supercommunicators. Both a focus on clear communication (mostly listening with your head and heart) and being super disciplined about the ambitious next order goals for professional and personal development are critical to building strong organizations, including families, and continuing to find challenges and fun at every stage of life. Thanks again for sharing.

Like
Reply
Jay Leipzig

Consultant at ChazanLeipzig LLC

9mo

Happy counselor, happy camper, happy camp!

Like
Reply

To view or add a comment, sign in

Insights from the community

Others also viewed

Explore topics