Who are you trying to please?

'I won't say what I think. Because if I say what I think then he will say THAT. And then I would have to react with this or that. And I don't WANT to react like that. So I better not say it at all'. 

Goodness, aren't people complicated! 

You see, years and years ago this is the conversation that would most DEFINITELY have gone on in my head. 

And that is LITERALLY how it would go. 

I would be angry about something or upset. But instead of saying what I needed to say you know what I did? 

Yes, I would have that conversation above. In my head. 

And that anger? 

Yep, went nowhere. 

Well, no, it did. It went inward. And festered. And rotted. And then - eventually - would lead to a MASSIVE outburst. 

Or to a bad mood or even to depression. 

But - get this - the person who I was meant to talk to? The person who I was angry with? The person who needed to hear MOST what was going on? 

Never even knew it was happening. 

Never knew ANYTHING was happening! 

Merrily went about their business without EVER knowing they'd done something to upset me. That what they were saying was unacceptable. That there were boundaries. And they'd trampled all over them. 

And do it all over again a next time. 

See where this is going? See what is going on here? 

Yep. People-pleasing. On a grand scale. 

And I can see it in some of you too. 

Not wanting to upset the other person. Holding your tongue because you want to be 'nice'. Not rock the boat. 

NOT. HOLDING. YOUR. BOUNDARIES. 

Maybe not even KNOWING your boundaries. 

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Tineke Tammes is a Career & Creativity Coach and supports professional women in making successful transitions to careers of Freedom, Flexibility and Fulfilment!

Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, and obsessive doodler.

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