Why is it critical to have a mentor from outside your organisation?

Simply because they can see the whole of you. 

Looking back on a great career, it was easy for Dana to spot where it all began. The realisation dawned on her that she was meant for more and that may be, just may be her current mentor wasn’t enough. During the last conversation with Viktor, she realised that he was too aware of her internal struggles and psycho-economic needs to be able to push her to take chances. He had very clear opinions on which decisions could either derail her career or push her back financially. Viktor was the one she had grown with as a mentor, but now at the helm of a growing organisation, she felt as if she needed more. She was done playing safe. 

She came across Rachel at a speed mentoring meeting that she herself had arranged at her organization. Rachel wasn’t the usual kind of mentor that she was used to. Smaller in stature, petite, soft spoken with a loud laugh, Rachel had this energy about her. She didn’t wait for people to approach her, she was quick to network and made her way around the room saying Hi and Hello; some of them earlier acquaintances. Dana was intrigued. It had never struck her to approach people like that. She was always worried about what people would think of her. Would they think she was being too bold? She requested Rachel to for some time after the speed meet. 

Dana and Rachel’s mentoring relationship evolved with time. For one Rachel pointed out that if Dana had been really that worried about what people thought about her, she wouldn’t have asked her to stay back. So maybe Dana only connected with specific people and staying connected to all wasn’t her thing. On reflection, Dana realised that this was true. Over the years, she had carefully nurtured relationships with a select few people and these people counted on her too. So may be not being able to network wasn’t the problem, it was her understanding of the concept of “networking”. She thought it only meant one to many or many to many connections, it might as well have meant one to one meaningful connections.

As she worked with Rachel, Dana’s understanding of her own strengths evolved. She realized she was constrained by what she thought to be true about certain things. Some were assumptions, some were a learning issue, some had the potential to be a career derailer and others were things that she could ignore. With Rachel keeping her accountable to stretching her understanding of things, Dana moved from strength to strength. So 10 years on, she was looking back at a career that meant global exposure, bigger spans of control, better and deeper business partnering and above all else, a far more confident and competent human being. 

Why is that Rachel worked better for Dana than Viktor? 

For one, you have got to understand that what got you here may not get you further and that is something that you’ve got to accept. There may be loyalty challenges there, like Dana had with Viktor. But outgrowing a mentor is a part of the mentorship process and nothing to be shy of. If anything, it only teaches you to have one more type of crucial conversation in your life - that of gently parting ways with your favourite teacher and yet nurturing the relationship. 

Rachel could see more of Dana. She wasn’t bogged down by the historical side of Dana. She could see the possibilities and the unutilised potential. She could see with more clarity what Dana was capable of and not worry about what had been a struggle in the past.

Viktor had way contributed to Dana’s understanding of the world. And it had helped to build a career then. Now that she was poised for the next thing, it was tough for Viktor to alter his world view too. Rachel challenged those previously held assumptions. Yes. Assumptions. We are an accumulation of the experiences that have shaped us. That’s what makes each of us so unique. Interestingly similar circumstances can bring out different outcomes in different people. Viktor and Rachel as mentors brought out different aspects of Dana’s strengths. They had different views on what was risk-taking and what could be derailing.

Having more than one mentor is critical. Like most of us, mentors have differing areas of expertise and different views on our potential. The growth opportunity a 'Board of mentors' can provide us is immense. Some of their approaches or suggestions might intimidate us, push us outside of our comfort zone or even feel like a force fit. But that's what we need to be the best we can ever be.

There is nothing like a perfect mentor. Different mentors bring out different aspects in us and help us grow.

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About the author:

My passion is to create opportunities and catalyse relationships that help us thrive! I believe that personal, organisational and societal change is an interactive development process and through my interventions I seek to build awareness and action across all. I have had the privilege to have coached and trained leaders and management teams in 40 plus countries globally and on all continents.

Over the last two decades, I have engaged with leadership development, L&D and talent management across the entire spectrum from diagnosis to design to implementation. Currently I run my own niche Executive Coaching Practice to accelerate the leaders path to success through my focus on #LeadershipBranding.

Drop me a message at shivangi@shivangiwalke.com or to schedule a call with me please use : calendly.com/shivangi/15-mins-call

Here are 2 initiatives I have founded : www.thrivewithmentoring.com, a non-profit that catalyses women to women mentoring (currently present in 5 countries) and www.xponential.cc (through which I bring award winning leadership trainings such as Crucial Conversations and Power of Habit).