Why it is easy to form bad habits but difficult to form good habits?

We all have tried to inculcate good habits, succeeding some times but failing most of the time. But bad habits are easily formed. We have to try harder to leave bad habits.

Some are able to form habits seemingly easy while others have tough time. Every year, on 31st people make resolutions. Many plan to go for a walk or exercise every day. Some manage to get up and start as well. But after two to three weeks, most of them give up. You will see only those going for exercise and walk, who had been doing it for last five plus years.

We all know Pavlov’s theory of classical conditioning. Pavlov was doing some experiments with dogs. These dogs were kept in an enclosure and fed by assistants dressed in white coat. Over a period of time, Pavlov noticed that dogs would salivate even after they had food when they saw assistants in white coat. Dogs started associating food with the assistants wearing white. Salivating is an involuntary response on which dogs have no control.

Think about your favorite sweet (Rasgulla, Gulam jamun etc) and you will notice salivation in your mouth.

To understand how habits are formed, there was an interesting experiment done on rats (image for reference). A rat was kept at one end of the maze and a cheese at the other end, with a door which opened with a click sound. The activities in its brain were monitored. Day one, door opens with click sound, rat moves around scanning the environment and finds the cheese. It eats it and activity in the brain shows it is happy. Day two, door opens with the click sound, rat moves around as before, finds the cheese and eats it. It experiences happiness. As the experiment is repeated with the same rat, time taken to find the cheese reduces. Rat feels happy eating the cheese. Around Day twenty-one, when the rat is kept in the same environment and the door opens with the loud click, the rat is happy anticipating it will get cheese to it and it goes towards the cheese and eats it. The happiness in anticipation can be higher than actually having the cheese. Happiness in anticipation forms a loop, trigger, routine and reward. Trigger is door opening with loud sound, routine is finding the cheese and reward is having the cheese to eat.

Anticipating reward on a trigger gets the rat into a routine, and reaches the reward. Bad habits give immediate gratification. You smoke and you feel immediately better. You have a peg and you feel lighter in few minutes. You eat a chip and it satisfies your taste buds. You take another one and another one. It feels good. You are driving back from office. While driving you notice McDonald. You automatically stop and park the car. You stop to have one burger. Food companies are working day and night to find that right combination that will instigate your taste buds. You start browsing through OTT. You start watching a web series, believing you will stop after an hour. But the story is so thrilling that we keep on watching one episode after other before you realize your Saturday night is gone.  

Good habits take time to give results. You start exercising. Your muscles will take days to show. You start following healthy diet. Melting of fats will be so slow that you would hardly notice any change every day. You start reading every day. Impact of reading will take time to show in your behaviour and results.

You cannot exercise twenty four hours and build muscles. You have to exercise every day. Consistent hard work is the key. You have to ensure you get up every day and exercise. You have to resist the temptation of junk food every hour. When a farmer plants a mango tree, he will able to eat mangoes from that tree after ten years. Till then, he has to take care of that tree. He needs to be patient. Nature works at its own healthy pace.

Story of Hare and the Tortoise tries to communicate the same thing. Tortoise wins the race because of its consistency. But hare sleeping just before the finishing line sounds unconvincing. It was hare’s stupidity that cost it the race and not because of tortoise. Message goes ununderstood.

Life has no finishing line. It is not like sports where there is a time limit. It is not about coming first, second or last, it is about crossing the finishing line. Someone marries at 20, someone marries at 40. But if the marriage is the line, then getting married is important.

Some become a CEO at 30, some at 60. Becoming CEO is important, not comparing our achievement with others. Sachin scored hundred centuries. Yuvraj Singh scored seventeen centuries. That doesn’t undermine the achievements of Yuvraj. Even Dhoni scored around the same number of centuries. Both Yuvraj and Dhoni never scored a century in T20.

Some achieve their goals at 30, some at 60. Important is achieving the goals. As long as you are playing, you can win.

What made tortoise win the race? Tortoise was not focused on hare. Its focus was on the finishing line. Hare was focused on tortoise so it slept just before the finishing line.

How to cultivate right habits? Focus on your goal. Think about the benefits you will reap when you reach the finish line. You plan to exercise. Think about the benefits you will get when you become fit. It will make you look and feel healthy. People will admire you. They will see you as an energetic, hardworking, serious and focused person. It will give you positivity. It will raise your confidence because you are keeping commitments that you made to yourself. You will feel energetic whole day. Best part of good habits is, it impacts the individual as a whole.

Make some good friends in gym and chit chat. Man is a social animal and even casual relationships make us feel good. Look at someone who comes regularly as your role model. Notice a beautiful woman or a handsome man coming in regularly. Instead of watching your body every day for changes (it will be disappointing), feel the muscles building in your mind while you workout. If you need to check in the mirror, do it in a gap of fifteen to twenty days. For example, if your intent to lose weight, check weight at least after two to three weeks to see some changes in the scale.

Break your habits in smaller chucks. Entire process of exercise may look too much effort but if you break them in smaller pieces, they would look easier. Just wear your workout outfit and put on the shoes. Just walk towards the gym. Do easy exercises.

Keep triggers around. For example, keep a poster of a fit person in your bedroom. Write your goal on a chart and keep it in your room and at your working desk. If you want to eat healthy, keep fruits on the table where you can pick and eat easily. Don’t buy and stock junk food. If you want to read regularly, keep the book handy. Think about the knowledge and the benefits you would get if you read regularly. Read in smaller chunks.

To break a habit, remove the triggers, change the routine. Its difficult to remove old patterns but easier to form new patterns. Try to replace old habit (undesirable) with a new habit (desirable).

Make the experience of going to gym easier and enjoyable. Buy and wear special shoes and outfit. Keep everything handy and easy. Some days you may not feel like going. Think about your role model, your friends and that handsome man or a beautiful woman. Tell yourself you will just get up and wear the shoes, then go to the gym and come back. Once you get up and go, you will do some exercise.

Imagination has huge power. In NLP and Hypnosis, we call it as manifestation. Rewards for good habits come late. But you can imagine the rewards coming in your mind. Athletes work hard for months and years to win a medal. How they keep themselves motivated? They imagine they are running that final race. They see themselves sweating, running hard and fast. They see themselves winning the race. They fall after finishing with exhaustion. Friends and coaches come and congratulate them. National anthem is played and they are honored with gold medal. They keep on playing this in mind again and again.

Reward yourself at smaller intervals. For example, because you completed thirty days of reading, buy yourself a shirt or a shoe that you like. It is how you motivate yourself that matters. Once your body and mind get adjusted to the routine, then your body and your mind will remind you to do it. When you don’t do it, you will feel uncomfortable. Then you can safely assume that it has now become a part of your habits.

Thank you.

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