Why I'm taking a sabbatical

I hit burnout hard in 2020, in the middle of the pandemic. There’s a longer essay about burnout that I’ll write at some point in my sabbatical (sign up for my newsletter on substack or follow me on Medium!), but I want to focus on the internal decision process and journey of deciding to take a sabbatical, even after I no longer felt burned out.

First, the decision to take time off wasn't a decision I came to lightly. I agonized over my decision for a solid 3 months right up until the moment that I actually gave notice at my job. 

If you’re tempted to rage quit on your job or give notice tomorrow without taking the time to plan for your finances and the transition, I encourage you not to quit right now. Pay attention to the desire and carve out time this week to look at your finances and get clarity on what’s beneath the desire to quit. 

What happened

It started with a burgeoning awareness of weariness: As I considered new roles and opportunities that excited me or I found intellectually interesting, within and outside of the company, I would feel excited - and yet something within me still felt fatigued.

Like when you’ve done a hard workout and the lactic acid has built up - your muscles are tired.  Or, when you’ve just exited a tough relationship, you meet a great person, and it’s not them - you’re still recovering and not ready. In both cases, you can’t wish the fatigue away. It’s simply your reality.

Having built 2 startups through the chaos of Series A/B/C & leading through hypergrowth, I know what it is to work hard.  I know what it feels like to give 125% and thrive on the excitement, enthusiasm, and energy. I genuinely love this stage of growth: the diverse operational and intellectual challenges; the trade-off decisions and the journey of building the right team - and if I can, I’d like to do that for the rest of my career.  But I didn't feel like I could do that wholeheartedly, enthusiastically for the first time in my life.*

Processing fears & challenges

Once I owned my reality, I faced a series of questions, fears and challenges - that were different from the questions I faced the first time I left a corporate job. (You can read about that here). Here were the new ones:

1. Identity:

The first challenge to arise was an identity challenge. Over the last 10+ years, I’ve built a sense of self-esteem and identity around being a “tech executive” - and the thought of losing that was painful!

• What grounded me was remembering that there was a Tiffany that existed** before I became or even knew the words “tech executive”.
• At some point in the process, I remember embracing my identity of Tiffany as writer - and then I intentionally reframed my identity as “Tiffany, Content Creator” instead of “Tiffany, Tech Executive.”

2. Logistics

The next challenge was, how long to take? Was this a permanent change? A short-term? How many months did I expect to be salary-less?  

In my first iteration, I said, ‘I’ll take off 30 days.”  (You know you’re a recovering workaholic when the thought of extended time off is scary and you’re not even willing to measure it in units of months, instead using days.)

I remember talking to my executive coach who said, “Tiffany, the first 30 days are just about realizing how tired you are!”  And she’s right.  In the last 15 days, I’ve slept 12+ hours multiple days in a row. It’s been glorious. 

I’ve told people “3-6 months” and I’ve financially planned for 6 months.  And with each week, I get more clarity: I am more tired than I thought. And, while I’m enjoying resting, I keep finding exciting products and businesses I’m eager to contribute to building.

3. Irrational fears

And then there were the fears that had nothing to do with reality, but felt completely genuine in the emotion center of my brain: "What if I stopped working and never wanted to start working again?" or "What if I couldn’t ever find a job again?" My business school friends were helpful here.  One offered to hire me, no questions asked - which is an incredible offer & privilege that comes with going to business school.  Another - who was not the most driven in business school - said, “If I - who needs a lot of social accountability to get work done - starts feeling bored after 6 weeks on sabbatical, you’ll be fine.”

Why I’m taking a sabbatical

While these were all the negative hurdles I had to overcome, the powerful realizations that gave me the most peace were the values-centric epiphanies. Here was the one that shifted my outlook on taking a sabbatical:

I had an important conversation with a female CEO and role model/mentor who said, “When I was 22 and a consultant, the women who were partners wore double-breasted suits and masculinized their names to fit in. If their names were Samantha, they went by Sam. Or Mick instead of Michelle.”  As I listened to her, I thought about how far we’ve come in 2-3 decades. My friend is a strong leader who is also a woman. She’s not acting like a man to fit the mold of leadership. By being who she is, she has redefined what leadership looks like for the people who work for her.

I am a leader who is also a woman. And if I have 15-20 years of leadership ahead of me, working hard and with excellence, taking off 3-6 months is nothing.  

In fact, a year is nothing.  

And if taking time off means I return to the field, rested and recharged - it’s a worthy investment.

A few major caveats

Some of you reading this may be feeling burned out, ready to quit or wanting a sabbatical.  A few practical notes:

• You need an emergency fund. If you don’t have a 6 month emergency fund, I would not recommend quitting your job until you have the funds saved up. It may be excruciating but the financial pressure of a dwindling bank account is even worse - and will limit your next steps post-sabbatical.
• There’s no magic bullet. A sabbatical won’t magically fix the problems in your life.  It may give you more time to deal with those problems, especially if time is a current constraint, but it’s not going to magically fix most life problems, especially if they’re internal or interpersonal problems, like “I’m overwhelmed and can’t prioritize myself/my health/my needs” or “My partner/boss/family is overwhelming.”  I would encourage starting with a small step to regain control over your life, such as finding a friend (or coach or a therapist) to speak with for 30-60 min weekly, who can help you develop a plan to prioritize yourself and address the feeling of being overwhelmed. 
• I recognize my privilege. I have friends, a supportive family, undergraduate and graduate degrees and savings that have significantly de-risked my decision to take time off.  If a sabbatical isn’t an option, I invite you to consider what it could look like to find pockets of rest, even within your existing life.  It might be as simple as choosing one Saturday each month to be off your devices and social media. It might be as small as meditating for 2 min at the start of your chaotic day. Whatever it is, I hope you do find rest. 

So where am I now and what’s next?

15 days into my sabbatical, I’m so grateful that I have a few more months ahead of me.  I’ve had a few days where I’ve simply lost myself in the act of cooking, finding joy in a lifelong hobby that I’d abandoned for the last few years. In addition to resting, I’ve started reading more and writing more, lifelong practices I’d neglected.  I’m writing practical articles like this one, deeper personal essays on Medium, and I’ve launched a weekly newsletter on substack, where you find links to whatever I’m writing, reading/listening to and things I’m thinking about. 

I’d love for you to follow along - leave a comment if you’ve taken a sabbatical, are thinking of taking time off or have other questions about taking a sabbatical you’d like me to cover! 

A final parting thought: Wherever you are in the world, whatever you're doing - I hope you know that you are more than the work you do. Taking a sabbatical is an intentional way I'm leaning into that truth: I am more than the work I do.

You are more than the work you do.

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Footnotes:

*Apparently, this enthusiasm for work isn’t universally shared! For some people, work is just a job - and that’s ok! 

** You may be out of touch with the self that existed before your current self, what some psychologists or wisdom traditions would call the “true self” or “inner child”.  You may need to spend time sitting with yourself and going inward.