🎯 Why Is My Kid’s Behavior Better at School Than at Home?

“Why does my child behave perfectly at school but seem to fall apart at home?” If you’ve asked yourself this question, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common—and confusing—concerns parents share. The difference in behavior can leave parents feeling frustrated, guilty, or even questioning their parenting skills. But here’s the truth: your child’s behavior at home versus school often reflects their environment and their emotional needs.

At school, children are in a structured setting with clear rules and social pressures that encourage compliance. At home, they feel safe to let down their guard and express their emotions, even the messy ones. While this can be challenging for parents, it’s also a sign of trust—they feel secure enough to be their authentic selves around you.

📚 The Behavior Gap: Why Kids Act Differently at Home

Parents often misinterpret their child’s behavior at home as disrespectful or defiant, but the reality is more complex. Kids—especially neurodivergent children—may hold it together all day at school, only to “let it out” at home. This behavior isn’t a reflection of bad parenting; it’s a natural response to emotional exhaustion, sensory overload, or simply needing a safe space to decompress.

But understanding the why doesn’t make it any less frustrating for parents who are trying their best. That’s why it’s important to dig deeper into what’s driving these behaviors and adopt strategies that meet your child’s needs.

🧠 Why You Can’t Discipline Out Neurodivergence

For parents of neurodivergent kids (like those with ADHD or sensory processing issues), it’s vital to know that clinical challenges like impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and hyperactivity aren’t things you can “discipline out.” Using punitive approaches like shaming or harsh punishments only creates power struggles and damages trust. Instead, focus on strategies that address the root causes and foster emotional growth:

• Understand the Root Cause: Ask, “What’s behind this behavior?”—is it overwhelm, sensory input, or unmet emotional needs? Understanding the why allows for more effective responses.
• Positive Discipline Over Punishment: Kids with clinical challenges need calm, consistent boundaries. Focus on redirection and clear expectations instead of punishment.
• Teach Self-Regulation: Provide tools like calm-down kits, breathing exercises, or mindfulness activities to help your child manage their feelings.

1️⃣ Create a Predictable Home Routine Kids thrive with structure. Routines like consistent mealtimes, homework sessions, and bedtime rituals help children feel safe and regulated, especially after the unstructured “freedom” of the home environment.

2️⃣ Reinforce Positive Behavior Catch your child doing something good! Praise and reward small positive actions to reinforce the behavior you want to see.

3️⃣ Be a Self-Regulation Role Model Kids learn emotional regulation by watching you. Model calm responses to stress, and talk openly about how you manage your emotions.

4️⃣ Practice Collaborative Problem Solving Instead of reacting to behaviors, involve your child in finding solutions. Ask, “What’s making this hard for you?” or “How can we work on this together?” Building their input fosters cooperation and understanding.

5️⃣ Create a Safe Space for Decompression Designate a calming corner with sensory-friendly items like soft cushions, stress balls, or noise-canceling headphones. Encourage your child to use it when they feel overwhelmed.

🌟 Final Thoughts

When kids “act out” at home, it’s not a reflection of “bad parenting”—it’s a sign they trust you to see their unfiltered emotions. By focusing on understanding, connection, and positive discipline, you can help your child build the emotional resilience they need to thrive.

🎧 Want More Tips?

Dive deeper into these strategies with Dr. Roseann’s It’s Gonna Be OK! Podcast:

🎧 Why Kids Behave Differently at School and Home

🎧 You Can’t Discipline Out ADHD

💻Parenting with Care: How to Discipline a Child with ADHD

🎤Connect with Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge to book her as a keynote speaker for your organization’s next event

🌟Learn more about Dr. Roseann 

Contact Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge to learn how your organization can benefit from her inspirational keynotes filled with actionable strategies info@drroseann.com or 203.826.2975 

Always remember... "Calm Brain, Happy Family®"