This is Why Some People Don’t Do What You Ask Them To Do…

Have you ever asked someone to complete a simple task, only for them to put it off, forget about it, or not do it at all? You’re not alone. This happens more often than you might think, especially in workplaces with neurodiverse staff, where standard methods for assigning tasks don’t always work as planned. The underlying reason is often something known as "demand avoidance." Understanding what demand avoidance is, why it happens, and how to manage it can help you support your team more effectively and build stronger working relationships.

What is Demand Avoidance?

Demand avoidance refers to a strong, often automatic resistance to doing tasks when they feel imposed rather than freely chosen. Imagine a door that closes just as you’re about to step through it—suddenly, the simplest action feels blocked. This can happen even with everyday activities or tasks that someone might usually enjoy, if they’re presented as something that must be done. The resistance isn’t about defiance or laziness; it’s an instinctive response that’s particularly common in people with neurodiverse conditions such as autism and ADHD.

What Happens When Someone is Asked to Do a Task?

Picture a scenario where a manager asks, "Have you done the next task on your to-do list?" A seemingly innocent question, right? But for someone with demand avoidance, this simple prompt can instantly change how the task feels. What was once just another item on the list now feels like a heavy expectation, and the person may find themselves resisting the task. Here’s why this can be problematic:

Loss of Control When tasks feel like they’re being imposed rather than chosen, it can trigger a feeling of resistance. It’s not just the task itself that becomes difficult; it’s the sense of losing control over their own actions. Even if the resistance is subtle, like thinking, "I’ll do it later," it’s a way for the person to reclaim some autonomy.

Anxiety or Stress Can Spike Knowing that someone is waiting for them to complete a task adds pressure. Now the task is tied to someone else’s expectations, making it feel even more daunting. It’s not just about completing the task anymore; it’s about doing it right, doing it on time, and doing it for someone else. The added stress can cloud their thinking, making it hard to even start.

Perfectionism Leading to Overwhelm Worrying about doing the task perfectly can make it seem impossible to even begin. The person might think, "What if I can’t do this well enough?" and the safest option then becomes avoiding the task altogether, rather than facing potential mistakes or failure.

The Freeze Response When tasks feel too pressured, the brain can switch into a “freeze” mode, where taking action becomes nearly impossible. This is a stress response, similar to the way some people may feel paralysed by stage fright. It’s not that they don’t want to act, but the sense of pressure makes it very hard to know how.

How to Work With Demand Avoidance

Once you understand why demand avoidance happens, you can take steps to manage it. If you see these signs in your team, here’s what you can do to make tasks feel less like demands and more like opportunities:

• Offer Choice and Flexibility Giving your team members some control over when and how they tackle tasks can make a big difference. Instead of saying, "Have you done this?" try, "When would you like to work on this?" This small shift keeps the choice in their hands and reduces the feeling of being pressured.
• Break Tasks into Smaller Steps Big tasks can feel overwhelming, but breaking them down into smaller, manageable steps can help. Think of it like climbing a staircase instead of jumping straight to the top—it’s easier to take one step at a time.
• Use Supportive, Collaborative Language The words you use can influence how a task feels. Try saying, "How can I help you get started?" or "What do you need to get this done?" This kind of language opens the door to collaboration rather than making it feel like an order.
• Pick the Right Moment Timing can play a crucial role in how a task is received. Try to avoid checking in on tasks when someone is already stressed or overwhelmed. Approach them when they’re more relaxed, and you may find they’re much more open to getting started.

Key Takeaways

1. Recognise Demand Avoidance It’s not about being difficult or unwilling—it’s an automatic reaction to feeling pressured. Learning to spot the signs can help you better support your team and build a more understanding workplace.
2. Adapt Your Approach to Asking How you frame requests can make a world of difference. Collaborative language, offering flexibility, and breaking tasks down can all help reduce resistance and make the task feel more manageable.
3. Get the Right Support for Your Team If demand avoidance is affecting productivity, working with a neurodiversity coach can help. I, Tamzin, specialise in helping leaders and teams navigate these challenges to find practical solutions.
4. Train Your Leaders to Understand Neurodiversity If you want your leaders to be better equipped to support neurodiverse staff, let’s discuss tailored training that fits your organisation’s needs. The right training can make a significant impact on your team's wellbeing and productivity.

Work With Me

If demand avoidance is affecting your workplace, I can help you find a way forward. As a neurodiversity coach, I work with leaders to identify effective strategies that support their staff and improve overall productivity. I also offer training sessions to help leaders understand the complexities of neurodiversity and how to create a more inclusive, supportive environment.

I wold love to work together to make your workplace better for everyone. Get in touch to find out more about neurodiversity coaching and training options that fit your needs.

In Conclusion

Demand avoidance may seem like simple procrastination or resistance, but it’s actually a deeper, more complex response that many neurodiverse individuals experience. By recognising the signs and understanding the underlying reasons behind this behaviour, you can create a more supportive environment where everyone feels empowered to contribute. It’s not about lowering expectations or avoiding tasks altogether; it’s about approaching task management in a way that respects individual needs and reduces unnecessary stress.

Small changes in how tasks are presented and discussed can have a big impact on engagement and productivity. When you take the time to adapt your approach, you’re not just overcoming demand avoidance—you’re building stronger, more resilient working relationships across your team.

If you’re ready to take the next step towards a more inclusive and understanding workplace, let’s chat. Whether it’s through neurodiversity coaching or tailored training sessions, I can help you and your leaders find practical ways to support neurodiverse staff and boost your team’s overall performance.