Why vulnerability is not a sign of weakness and can be a leader’s greatest strength

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness and can be a leader’s greatest strength

“When I see a man cry I view it as a weakness,” “The last time I cried was when I was a baby.”  - Donald Trump

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” - Brené Brown

As a male Chief Executive, much of our approach to leadership is hardwired. We tend to like our leaders to appear strong, confident and assured. We are taught that we should not show much emotion and that vulnerability is a sign of weakness that must be avoided when you are in a position of leadership.

And yet, one of the greatest lessons I have learnt to date as Chief Executive, is that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It takes honesty and courage to be vulnerable, and it should be embraced as one of our greatest strengths. It brings us together, encourages a culture where we can take risks, and through this transformation is possible.

Everyone has moments when they feel vulnerable. And as a leader, there are some issues that are simply too heart-wrenching not to feel overwhelmed by.

This was my experience of the pandemic.

The sheer pace of events, a crisis unveiling itself before our eyes, was overwhelming. We knew that reduced support would hit families, and the children and adults we support. We knew that furlough would affect staff. We were fighting on so many fronts, we were fighting for what seemed like the very survival of our charity.

We were operating in crisis mode. We were reframing our approach based on what we knew that day. We shifted to short-term agendas and a new set of priorities. We were consumed about keeping people safe and the organisation financially sustainable; worried about the collective well-being of Sense- our own well-being taking its toll.

I didn’t feel strong, confident and assured. I felt anxious and insecure. Yes, I was making important, tough decisions. But I was constantly asking myself if I was doing the right thing and making the right calls. At times It was really challenging, emotional and overwhelming. 

There was a temptation to say, as some leaders did, that everything would be ok, everyone would be alright. But that wouldn’t have been truthful– I didn’t have all the answers.

So instead, I was honest about my fears and uncertainty. My colleagues shared theirs. And I believe this honesty brought us closer. It helped us pull together and made us more determined to overcome the challenges. We felt more empowered to take risks and they paid off. I believe we became a stronger, more agile organisation for what we went through together. 

We should actively encourage each other to be more open about talking about our vulnerabilities. In this way, we should seek to create an environment that is more conducive to authentic and humane ways of working. An environment where we can take risks, speak up, ask for help, and connect with others in a genuine and safe way.

Showing genuine vulnerabilities has helped to draw us together, sometimes even initiating important discussions that has benefitted the whole organisation. I tried to take this approach with the Black Lives Matter movement. On an organisational level, it was important I didn’t go into defensive mode and deny the existence of racism. I recognised that structural racism exists and sought to hear the voices of our staff. I opened up and spoke about my experience as Jewish man, about my experience of anti-Semitism. Staff were honest and shared their experiences.  Collectively, led by me, we will seek to address the inequalities that exist at Sense.

What have I learned?

Most of us have been vulnerable at certain moments over the last 16 months. Many of us will have cried. We shouldn’t hide it. We should seize it. It shows that as leaders, we have compassion, empathy, vulnerability, emotional intelligence — these are traits that should define today’s leaders.

It’s important to share an example with your colleagues when you have had a bad day. Colleagues are surprised that their leaders might struggle, just like them. You will demonstrate that being vulnerable is okay. It means you are authentic and committed to developing a more inclusive workplace culture. It also gives permission to others who might need to say they are struggling to cope in the future. 

Talk to your staff teams across the charity. They need to hear from you. They need you to be honest, be clear, and be transparent. They deserve nothing less from you--their leader. Even when you can't give your team certainty, it still deserves your transparency and honesty. Even when you can't make promises about the future, you should be upfront about where you're at today.

And don’t forget humour. There’s nothing that makes you and everyone else feel more comfortable than laughing together. If you manage to laugh through the bad times it shows how much you care about others.

Perhaps, Mr Trump would still be president if he said: ‘So when I see men cry I view it as a strength” “The last time I cried was last month.”