Why your brain keeps putting you down… and how to change it.

The world of neuroscience continues to accelerate, providing us with more and more explanations for how things work and why things happen.

One of the most fascinating insights is still relatively untouched in most therapy approaches, and it relates to why you talk down to yourself, beat yourself up or negatively compare yourself to others.

Research has shown a few key brain areas, namely the amygdala, ventral striatum and superior temporal sulcus are crucial in establishing a social rank or social hierarchy in your brain. 

Other cells, called grid and place cells also help to position us relative to others, a little bit like a GPS positioning system.

In other words, these parts of your brain create a ‘food chain’ in your head and position you somewhere on it - I’m sure you’ve met a few people before who see themselves as being the big boss at the top of the chain.

When you ‘look up’ to somebody thinking they have something you don’t,, that’s feedback you’ve positioned them up on a pedestal above you.

Which also means relative to them, you’re down in the pit.

The more people you think are better, more skilled, more intelligent, more confident etc, the more people you place up above you and the worse you feel in comparison.

This is easily observed in our posture. 

When you feel morally or intellectually superior to someone, it’s often characterised by a more expansive, relaxed posture. 

When you’re around someone who you think is better than you, you’ll tend to take up less space, shrink into yourself and slump more.

This dynamic is one of the key factors of impostor syndrome.

The more interesting question is how does your brain make these calculations and how does it decide where to put you in the ‘food chain’?

The answer is your past experiences.

When as a child you receive criticism, coldness, harsh treatment, bullying, punishment, physical or mental pain etc, it leaves an imprint.

As your mind is still developing, the things you get told about yourself by those around you get a free ride into your subconscious and get stored as truthful information, basically as facts.

This is particularly potent if you get this feedback regularly or consistently over time during childhood.

These imprints are stored in your mind as Emotional Memory Images (Hudson and Johnson, 2021).

While the emotional images are stored in your subconscious, your brain uses these as the reference data to compare you to others.

As a result, the more negative baggage from childhood (or abusive relationships), the more you’ll put yourself at the bottom of the food chain, negatively compare yourself to others and beat yourself up.

The key insight to remember here, is that talking about what happened, for example in a counselling session, WILL NOT change the food chain.

If anything, it's more likely to reinforce the food chain as you replay those old painful images and movies.

Unless you’re given the tools and techniques to reframe the old imprints.

Why is this? Because the stored Emotional Memory Image is still present.

Still sitting there, lodged in your subconscious.

But it doesn’t need to be.

Another wonderful finding from neuroscience is that this ‘database’ of past imprints is adaptable. 

We can change it, update it, remove entries, add new ones, all sorts!

But like anything in this life, it is so much easier to do when you’re being guided by someone who knows the path.

If you struggle with impostor syndrome, self-criticism, anxiety, low self-esteem or low confidence, there is a better way to help you move up the food chain and see yourself as a wonderful equal to anyone you meet.

Are you curious?