Why your desire to help is not helping
Yannick Jacob
Existential Coach (MA), Supervisor, Positive Psychologist (MSc), Cambridge University Teaching Faculty, Course Director of the ACIC
Most coaches I meet have a genuine desire to help people.
It’s part of the reason I love spending time with coaches - in community, in supervision, at events, conferences, and as friends.
But, paradoxically, this desire to help is often in the way of receiving the best possible help.
What I see and hear in the supervision room (and also in my own experience) is that when a coach is too focused on helping their client, it’s much more likely that they’re tempted to offer advice, push progress, share their own ideas, resources, opinions, or stories. They unconsciously create pressure as their agenda to help leaks through their body language, tonality and choice of words.
If a coach is too committed to an outcome, the quality of their presence suffers.
And so, again and again, in the Coaching Lab and out in the real world, I witness the most effective coaches being committed to the process, to holding space for their clients, to sharing observations, to bracket their own agenda, and truly accompany their clients towards whatever outcomes they chose.
A coach that cares deeply about the results, but without getting stuck in actively trying to create them, who is clear about what their responsibility is and isn’t, and who is skilled at contracting around this - is a better coach.
When you notice a passionate desire in you to help a client, stay vigilant with regards to how this might affect the quality of your coaching.
An excellent topic to bring to your supervisor or supervision group.
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If you’re coaching regularly and you’re not in supervision, what are you waiting for? (and that’s not a rhetorical question, I’d love to understand this better.
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With Love
Yannick
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Clinical Psychologist 🫶🌹
2moPlease accept my invite I have a professional problem need you to assist me with. Concerning Cambridge PhD am an applicant am finding it difficult to locate any supervisor that I will attach their name and probably help me with proposal and topic for my application to guide me, please help me.
Leadership | Impact | Senior Public & International | Space for Clear Thinking
2moTotally! If we think someone needs ‘help’ there is a ‘for me’ in that somewhere and quite possible a ‘needing fixed’ as well. I’m not saying it’s easy to release this but, as coaches, it’s at the core of our work to be highly attuned to it and we will get better with practice (and supervision). ❤️
Independent Education Consultant | Founder & CEO at Clever Guide, Clever Magazine & Lebedeva Education | Certified Associate Coach | EdTech Expert | Henley & Partners Global Education Consultant
2moThis is SO true!