Why Your Kids (And You) Don't Need Less Screens

“Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” - Jim Rohn

— Jim Rohn

The one billionth article on how much technology is ruining our kids came out yesterday.

The article was great. The studies are real. The dangers are real.

Our solutions are short-sighted. (They suck.)

Anyone who has overcome addiction or walked through it with someone knows that white-knuckling something “for your own good” is about the least effective strategy you can undertake. And yet, we often try to solve problems this way. Less calories, less porn, less screen time for kids. Limit, limit, limit.

According to the studies*, with increased tech use (particularly social media) we/our kids become:

• Unable to focus
• Sedentary
• Obsessed with the opinions of others
• Disproportionately focused on beauty
• Less apt to play
• Less independent
• More depressed and anxious
• More likely to feel life is meaningless (this increased 70 percent among high school seniors from 2010 to 2019)

Well. That is definitely not who I want to be. And definitely definitely not who I want my young children to become. So we light the torches, right? NO SCREENS. LIMIT SCREEN TIME. DELAY SOCIAL MEDIA. TIMERS. BOUNDARIES.

Sure, you can do that.

But here’s what I think is better:

If you want your kid (or yourself) to learn a behavior, give them opportunities to practice that behavior. With a boundaries-only method, the only positive behavior you’re teaching is self-control, and self-control is not well-learned when it makes us our own enemies. It leads to more anger and deprivation, which leads to chasing our next fix.

“We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely … change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now.” — George Sheehan

For every risk factor listed above, consider what you would need to include in your life to combat that risk. I don’t want my kids’ brains to develop with an inability to do focused work. So instead of (or in addition to) limiting screen use, I make sure they have activities to practice focused work. I don’t want my kids spending 90% of their day with their peers, learning about their identity and self-worth from the blind leading the blind.

We’ve chosen to make lifestyle sacrifices to homeschool so they spend their formative years in a secure, supportive, healthy environment. I don’t want my kids to be allergic to exercise or outdoor elements, so we try to make time for that every day. I do laps around the park or write in a notebook on a picnic table while they play. Yeah, it’s inconvenient, but it’s worth it.

“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It’s connection.” ― Johann Hari

Homeschooling is just one tool our family happens to use. I understand not all families have this privilege, nor does everyone even want this reality. But I hope our society can continue to revise our work and school schedules to accommodate parents working alongside kids and investing in their self-worth more often. My kids aren't teenagers yet, so I don’t want to pretend like I’ve been in the trenches with that. But I’m trying to think proactively now. As we approach those years, I’d like to focus on what we’re going to focus our time and lives on rather than focusing on what the boundaries will be.

They say you can’t smoke if you have something else in your hand. We look to these tools to fill a void...what if it was filled with something else?

If you have no idea where to begin with this practice, in your own life or with your own kids, and would like some coaching support, you know where to find me to chat.