Working Parents and a Sinking Boat

Effecting change in a workplace. Who gets to do it, and how? It’s a tough question with no easy answers.

And it’s also a question that many of us will be facing as we take on one of the biggest challenges to the corporate status quo of our lifetimes. With the emergence of Covid19, what doesn’t work, at work, has been laid bare. Incremental change, experimentation, and dragging your feet is simply no longer an option.

On Monday, you made the commute to the office, where you slogged through your meetings and reporting and projects. You dashed out and grabbed an attempt at healthy lunch, which you ate at your desk, then followed it up with a 3pm donut and grande latte, before wrapping up your last call at 10 minutes after 5 and joining the evening commute home.

On Monday, you dropped your kids off at before-school-care. From where, you, the parent, had meticulously arranged and paid for your children to be safely transported to school, educated, fed, socialized, then bussed to after-school-activities or care.

On Monday, after your evening commute, you picked your kids up, took them home, gave them dinner, did some homework, spent a few fleeting minutes together catching up on the day, and shuffled them off to bed. On Monday evening, you forced yourself out of the door for a jog you really didn’t want to do, checked your emails and confirmed your meetings one last time before you passed out yourself.

On Tuesday, you no longer had an office. Yet, you still had a workload.

Also, on Tuesday, you no longer had the vital groups and institutions and transportation provided by our public school system and myriad network of childcare organizations.

On Tuesday, you became a homeschool teacher, a math tutor, a chess club member, a drama coach, an IT manager of 4 separate virtual education applications, a source of entertainment, and, oh, yes, a grief counselor. 

At first, it was for a couple of weeks. No big deal. I mean, still, a huge deal, but do-able. Then, it became a couple of months. Then, it became the rest of the school year. The summer. Then, it became A/B schedules, virtual learning, a second wave (or first wave?), spiking cases, and that horizon, that end-point that seemed at first to be in view is rapidly dissipating. 

Two weeks ago, I posted about this on LinkedIn. Or, rather, posted about the deafening silence within the corporate community, and the sheer lack of proactive dialogue addressing this problem.

Today, the author of one of my favorite cooking blogs, Smitten Kitchen, Deb Perelman, penned a heart-wrenching op-ed that at the same time is an alarm bell and a deep, primal wail.

The desperation, exhaustion, and panic of parents, trying to work through this pandemic, is boiling over.

As working people, we must first acknowledge our own sheer luck that we are employed and get to make a living at this time when so many people cannot.

But then, we must use our voices within our companies and organizations to make making this living something we can survive.

You, reading this, you are not alone. This boat is full, and we all need to make sure both ourselves and our fellow passengers don’t drown on the long trip back to shore.

That means we must work together to effectively create change in our companies. I am a problem-solver by nature, and I wish more than anyone that there was a quick fix. I am also a realist, and understand that asking for change at work can seem whiny, ungrateful, problematic. Bringing up issues that employees are facing to anyone in a position of power is a dicey road to walk down. Let’s not pretend it isn’t.

That’s why I propose a data-driven effort. If you can demonstrate that the problem isn’t just with you, or in your department, or a product of sour grapes or a bad attitude, you will be much more likely to influence your company’s decision-makers.

If this is something you feel brave enough to take on, I’ve penned a possible approach below. I’d start with your direct manager for buy in, and see if you can get the green light to start the process of gathering the data you’ll need to make your case.

Hi Manager,

I love working for X specifically because of Y and Z. This job has helped my personal development by allowing me to learn A and B, and I’d like, with your permission, to try to give back to our community and enhance employee wellness here at Company.

If you are open to the discussion, I’d love to ask for 15-20 minutes of your time to talk about some long-term strategies for dealing with our “new normal.” The point of this meeting would be to discuss and define the current challenges our co-workers might be facing and derive a plan to gather data to assess these possible challenges.

If the data is compelling, maybe we can engage our HR and upper management to see if we can find strategies within the organization to address the challenges and continue to work as a team through this tough time.

Let me know if you are open to this conversation, and if you think it would benefit the dialogue to add anyone else within the organization.

This is just one way that you might be able to use your voice to help. Because, so far, our collective silence isn’t doing a damn thing. We are going down, and someone needs to throw us a lifeline.