The Workplace Is Not Safe.

Hard truth, and hardly surprising - workplace psychological abuse is the norm, not the rarity - worldwide, in every sector, every industry, and every level.

I post part of one of my workplace psychological abuse stories on repeat each month and each time it goes viral - I share this because if I can help even one person feel seen and heard, and moreover...that they're never alone, I will post for eternity.

I don't like to only touch on a problem, I like to go deeper.

So, what is psychological abuse in the workplace - what does it look like? As you may have seen, I'm working alongside brave individuals from across the world to create a "what is" campaign for the Workplace Psychological Safety Act. We're re-enacting, what it looks like so that 1. those being abused have something to anchor onto when they've experienced it and 2. people doing the abusing may have an "aha" moment that they're part of the problem - one can hope.

Many people that are in charge these days got to where they are because they literally worked themselves to the bone to show they'll do whatever it takes to get the job done - and that has been rewarded by being given direct reports and more responsibility.

The world is seeing now that the "whatever it takes" has not only led to the forsake of themselves, but they in turn, expect this of their people - wellbeing is not even on the menu, nor is balance, nor is humanity - it's really about making the people in your charge a copy/paste version of yourself so that the output is larger and more profitable.

This is how workplace psychological abuse has become the norm. There is no longer a focus (on average) on an individual's unique brilliance - rather, the collective output of the team. My point is this - you can have both, it's a yes, and, how are you achieving this output...what is your body telling you...how do you care for yourself and your life outside of your day job...I promise you, both are achievable.

And, if you are feeling the abuse, the unfortunate answer is that we don't have a lot we can do at this very moment, other than you realizing you deserve better, getting your resume in order, hire a coach, and get going on to the next.

You can always make more/different money, but you only have one of you.

So, here are some of the more well-hidden, but most prominent forms of workplace psychological abuse in no particular order, and not exhaustive of all kinds - but based on my lived experience nonetheless...

1. Gaslighting - a peer, group of peers, people in charge, your boss, HR, etc. saying one thing to your face and the opposite behind your back to begin building a mob and targeting you as the problem.

🥊 Real life example - my boss would have me prepare certain things for an upcoming leadership meeting only to berate me in front of cross functional leaders to showcase that I was not performing at the level being asked of me.

2. Mobbing - above but happening directly in front of you, during meetings that lead you to feel alone, unable to achieve collaborate goals, and being cast out of key learnings or decisions that directly impact your work.

🥊 Real life example - my boss would tell me I'm the "CEO" of my product and would tout me publicly as in charge, and then would go to each cross functional team to run everything that I was leading by him to give him the ultimate signoff e.g. moving deadlines without telling me, squashing initiatives etc. only for me to find out during a key decision making meeting with high ranking leaders - stories ran quickly that I "couldn't handle the work".

3. Isolation - due to mobbing and gaslighting, you are often left on your own to fend for yourself, your work, and the insight or collaboration needed from peers or leaders to succeed in your daily work but also to feel the sense of community that you may need to thrive.

🥊 Real life example - Because of the mobbing happening, people would often openly make fun of me on calls, not show up, or genuinely ignore any ask that I might have, all the while, my boss would still ask me for deliverables fully knowing that he had told everyone not to do it.

4. Bullying/abuse - peers, other leaders are either indiscreet or discreet about how they feel about you.

🥊 Real life example - my boss told me I was not good enough, that I never was, and that he hired me as a favor to his boss' boss because he vouched I was a high achiever. He told me that he would break me as a white woman, he told me that I could never survive in the real world, he told me I would never be good enough.

5. Bystanders - chances are, someone has seen the treatment you've experienced, and have chosen to look the other way or blatantly silence themselves because they didn't want to be targeted. You likely roll with the line "it is what it is" and "they treat everyone like that".

🥊 Real life example - there were many high ranking leaders that were notorious for not allowing anyone to get past their first slide of a presentation, going in on the title of the presentation as presumptive, start to berate the presenter and attacking their credibility - this was a key decision making meeting starting at 5 pm, in person, around 30 people and not only did a decision not get made (because they didn't get past slide 1), they sat in that room listening to the leader pontificate and posture about stuff that had nothing to do with the task at hand.

- This leader would pride themselves on making people cry, laughing when HR would approach them about it.

- At an after hours work event, hundreds of employees had been heavily drinking all day, and many noticed when a very high ranking leader began getting handsy with a young woman, many levels his junior. That night, he raped her. She was forced out because no one came forward to say she had been rejecting his advances.

- A leader would openly call their employees "pieces of shit" over the course of a few years and rapidly got promoted to a VP...each person that came forward, suddenly "left the organization to pursue other opportunities".

We have been living in a society that has learned to honor money over humans, power over humanity, control over dignity.

The good news is - there are even more cycle breakers not only being birthed as we speak, but also many that are awakening to the type of world they want to be a part of.

Join us, or get out of the way.

If you are being abused in the workplace, please reach out to me so that we can build your exit plan.

If you think you may be the abuser in the workplace, also reach out to me, I have space for you to navigate where/how you learned this and what you would like to see change.

We're all in this together - not one of you is alone.