Are you Afraid of Success?

Initially, this may sound like a silly question to ask, however as we unpack this concept here, perhaps you or your team may recognize some signs of actually “holding back” success for various reasons.

Your beliefs and others beliefs about other successful people. Some people have negative beliefs about the successful people around them. Perhaps they feel that person “cut corners” or “got lucky” and if they show off their success, they are simply rubbing others nose’s in it. Or, they may feel the other person has their life “out of balance” and were only focusing on the pursuit of money or success, and didn’t spend enough time with family, spiritual or recreational activities. These days, this may be especially true of highly successful women. Others may look at them and wonder if they traded off being a great mom who attended to their kids needs for power.

Your beliefs and others beliefs about what will happen to you if you become successful. If you had negative beliefs about others who were successful, your subconscious mind might be stepping in every time you make a decision that looks like you are putting success in the way of being a good parent or exercising or creating balance elsewhere in your life. Or you may be concerned that if you do become more successful than your current group of friends, they may leave you, think badly or get jealous of you, if you shared your successes with them.

Your beliefs and others beliefs about other expectations of you in the future. Once you have shown you can produce or deliver at a higher level, people will expect that of you in the future. Most people operate with a little reserve energy held back for when they “really” need it. However, they realize if they operated “full-on” 100% of the time, they might burn-out early. It’s similar to sprinting full out, you can do it for a quick burst, but not for an entire 10k or 20k race.

Your beliefs and others beliefs about your past if you become successful. When others begin to see your full potential, they may start to wonder why you were “holding back” during the previous months or years. They may start to wonder what “clicked” in your mind to release this new level of power or success. They might even think you weren’t fully participating in the past and think negatively of you because of that alone.

Your beliefs and others beliefs of future demands on your resources if you become successful. Once you have proven your ability to the world, you can’t slack or produce less than was “expected” or you can quickly become a “has-been”. An example of that is occasionally a rock star will put out a top-selling album. Then in the next two years they were so busy living off that fame, they were pressured to do it again only to find that the next album was a flop. This sometimes happens with movie or television spin-offs when someone decides to branch off on their own, riding on the success of their past efforts. Very few people have been able to pull off a string of successful ventures repeatedly. In fact, most of the successful people we know had a string of unsuccessful ventures before they actually hit it big. In addition, those people who suddenly come upon a “windfall” often find themselves surrounded by needy friends who if you are not careful will request a “piece” of your success, since they recognize is beyond what you needed in the past to survive. Then, in the process of justifying your windfall, a person can pull back and potentially lose friendships or relationships that appreciated them for what they were before.

Your beliefs and others beliefs about attempting to succeed and not making it. The majority of people don’t handle repeated failure well and as a result, often don’t announce their intentions for fear of not producing, or they just don’t set a goal in the first place. This way, they can be happily content with their success if they do well. These are the people that won’t take the full credit for their success, because if they did, others would expect it of them again.

Why do we AVOID SUCCESS? We don’t want others to think that we don’t deserve it or didn’t earn it. Unearned success is a “hollow” win. In other words, if something was handed to you too easily, we tend to blow it off and not realize that we must have done something in the past that created the circumstances and mindset for that particular opportunity to present itself and for us to accept it. If we feel we weren’t ready either emotionally, physically, skill-wise or financially to take on a new challenge with a big win, we would often subconsciously refer it, defer it or bypass that opportunity all together.

Our brain is trying to protect us, it’s just doing its job. Fear of failure or criticism or change is a normal thing. Fear of failure or rejection can paralyze us from taking action when we think we should. This fear often actually creates the failure wewere trying to avoid. Even though your circumstances or results may not be what you want, your brain is comfortable with the “familiarity” of it. Not that it wants it, it’s just that it’s familiar. The brain wants us to survive. It thinks it’s protecting us, when it tells us to hold back from something that will challenge us to grow.

What are the best ways to break through this success barrier? Here are a few suggestions:

1.      Look at what you are currently doing as valuable and write down the areas you feel that you are already doing great in. List the ways your life is already successful, along with those you are very close to already achieving.

2.      List those positive things, the skills and the blessings you already have and the resources in your life you already have and acknowledge them and be grateful for them.

3.      Look at the way those blessings are providing quality for those people around you. Look at the gift that you are for those around you – particularly your family and friends.

4.      Find new goals that inspire you, include how you will “feel” when you reach them, and visualize your current friends and family enjoying your successes with you.

5.      Realize that this fear of success is all in your head. This self- imposed barrier is not real. Study others who have done what you aspire to do, be or have and adopt some of their beliefs.

6.      Find experienced mentors or coaches to help you make that “shift”. They can not only provide you with insight on your personal blind spots, but can also be a cheerleader and inspirational guide to assist you with adapting to and maintaining your progress.

For further information about improving the health of your organization or having a Discovery call to determine how to go about implementing this concept within your practice, contact Dr. Randall LaFrom at THE DENTIST ADVANTAGE.

drlafrom@gmail.com or 408-390-7283

 Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash