If you alienate your gatekeeper (BOSS), you’ll be locked out.

There is one person who holds more power over the future of your career than anyone else. Without the support of this individual you will gain no recognition, will not receive one extra dime in your paycheck, will never move up, and will have zero job security.

The all-powerful position

There are a certain chosen few in life that simply have too much power over vital aspects of your happiness. They are the ones who get to pass judgment and make your efforts worthwhile or worthless. The way companies are set up, that person is always your boss. He’s the one in charge of handing out money, determining who gets a raise and who doesn’t. He’s the one who determines whether your efforts have value or if you’re just someone to ignore. He’s the one who gives out the assignments, picking who gets the best ones.

He’s the one who selects the review score you will get for the year based on how he personally views your efforts and value to the team. And he is the one who recommends advancement or keeps you from being considered. A boss can change the opinion your company has of you with just one word.

It doesn’t matter if you like him or not. You have to respect him, if for no other reason than for his ability to propel or destroy your career. No one else has as much sole power to do so. How is this possible, you ask? Aren’t there others in the organization watching so that there is more than just the opinion of one person at work here, holding the keys to your future? No. Other members of the organization are too busy to know what you’re really doing or to see your value. They will largely leave that determination to your boss. In the eyes of the company, you are your boss’s opinion of you. You’d better actively manage your gatekeeper’s opinion of you if you’d like to gain access to whatever’s on the other side of that gate.

Your job security lies solely in your boss’s hands

It doesn’t matter what a boss tells you to smooth things over, he is always the one who decides who goes and who stays on his team. It is almost never out of his hands. When layoffs, RIFs, or reorgs come calling, you’d like to think his decisions would be based on fairness and objectivity. But the truth is, the boss is the one who has to deal with the employees every day. It’s just too tempting to remove any employees who have become a thorn in his side, those who are unsupportive or just generally unfriendly. Just too tempting. So, rather than skills, ability, or fairness, the decision can sometimes be based on whether or not the boss personally likes you.

If that’s not enough, it’s about to get three times worse:

1. Bosses last forever

You may think bosses come and go. But the truth is, their feelings about you will haunt you for the rest of your career. In references, lost opportunities, HR files, you name it. If you stay at the same company, his opinions of your work will haunt your personnel file. That gatekeeper you’ve lost may stand in the way of things you want in your career.

2. It’s a losing battle

Pitting yourself against a boss is a losing battle because companies always side with their managers. They have to. A company will almost always take the manager’s word over yours. That’s just the way it works. It works that way so managers know they are supported while they work to meet the company’s goals.

Most managers have proven themselves to be trusted insiders who match the company’s image for success. A company will always support those they believe will help them achieve success over one of the regular rank-and-file employees who aren’t doing anything to further their goals or image. If you have gone against your boss, for whatever reason, no matter how valid, you have already lost. The company will never side with you.

3. They can and will retaliate

You are there for the sole purpose of making your boss successful. It doesn’t matter that you don’t like her, didn’t pick her as your boss, or don’t agree with anything she does. If she doesn’t feel you’re providing the support she desires, she can and will retaliate. She has full authority to do whatever she needs to achieve the high-performance team she desires. If that means removing you, so be it.

All managers are in a precarious position, squeezed from both sides and operating in a glass house. They will react very strongly to someone they think might be trying to throw stones. They will retaliate, and the company will back them.

How do you bring any concerns to this key gatekeeper?

Pick your battles and approach with caution. Don’t challenge or threaten your gatekeeper—ever. All disagreements must be done in private, calmly, rationally, and with respect for this key gatekeeper in your career. Before you approach your boss with concerns or issues, you need to imagine yourself in her shoes.

Managers don’t like to be cornered, attacked, or accused—even in private. The best way to go about it is to start by giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming you don’t know the whole story. This will help the manager save face, as well as save your reputation if the situation turns out to be different from what you thought.

Try approaching the situation like this: “I’m sure this is something you’re already aware of, but can I talk to you about some concerns that have surfaced for me?” Or, “I’m sure I don’t have the whole story, but I was wondering about something. Maybe you could shed some light on it for me.” Don’t assume you know all that’s going on (I guarantee you, you don’t), and don’t put your boss on the defensive by attacking. Leave her an out and always go in assuming you don’t have all the necessary facts in the case.

Is it possible to repair a damaged gatekeeper relationship?

If you’ve already made this mistake, there are a few things you can do before changing jobs and starting over. First, if you are one of the “cool groupies,” pitting themselves against the boss and the system, you have to break off ties with them. You won’t be seen as sincere if you’re still hanging out with them, and all your efforts to repair the relationship will be in vain.

Second, highlight the good aspects about your manager. Sometimes we fall into patterns of negativity and it doesn’t matter what your boss does, he will never be able to do anything right in your eyes. The only way to break that pattern is to consciously look for the good. Even if the list is very small, continue to highlight the positive until you feel you can actually support him and work with him as a partner in your career. You don’t have to go to BBQs at your boss’s house or become best buddies; you just have to be able to show respect during work hours.

Managers always know how their employees feel about them. It’s boss radar. Offer your support on tasks and projects that are important to him. Ask for his expertise. Volunteer to help with large projects, to take on work that’s not getting done. Ask to get new clarification on what’s most important for you to be working on.

Don’t overlook the little things like staying late while your boss is working on a key project just to make sure he has everything he needs, such as copies made or even dinner brought in, or letting him know a FedEx delivery just arrived from his number-one client. If you’ve really done damage, this will take patience and consistency. Just keep going. One day, you may notice your boss including you in things, asking for your opinion on issues. You may suddenly feel you are in an inner circle that you never knew existed. This is when you know you’ve made it. It will begin to look more and more like a partnership.

Your number-one job is to make your boss look good. The better he looks, the better the chance he will include you in that inner circle. He will reward you by singing your praises in closed-door meetings, protecting you when layoffs come up, and looking at you as an ally and asset to the management team. Actually, it looks a lot like favoritism.