You Don’t Say? Or Do You?

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George W. Shaw.

Your vocabulary (spoken or written word), the body of words you use most often, could be wreaking havoc on your life. Unaware (hopefully), these words burrow into sentences, quietly gorging away at each interaction, in a form of silent warfare.  Words wear many hats (jobs). They are conveyors of messages sometimes revealing intent (and sometimes not). They invoke emotions, direct energy, and vibration, in ourselves and others, while either assisting or hindering all understanding and comprehension. Opportunity lies in paying close attention to the words used, in order to promote more mindful communication, thoughtful understanding, and conscious positive intent.  

Here are seven sets of words to eradicate from your vocabulary altogether.

Eliminate “am” and “is”:  These two words are like equal signs in a math equation, like X=Y. I am angry. Joe is upset. The problem with “am” and “is” is that they add an aura of permanence to a very impermanent situation. I = angry. Joe = upset. By substituting the “am” or “is” with verbs, the problem of permanence is eliminated while at the same time creating more clarity for the one listening (either you or the other person). For example, “I get angry when I sit in traffic for a long time”, or “Joe is upset that he can’t find his keys.” These examples do not define the subject as being or feeling a certain way, but rather define the situation in which the subject may tend to feel that way, thereby creating clarity.

Honesty is the best policy: With this in mind, it is not a good practice to define moments of honesty by beginning a sentence with, “Honestly,” or “To tell you the truth.” When beginning a sentence with “Honestly,” or “To tell you the truth,” the listener must then suppose that all sentences without these qualifiers are something other than honest or truthful.

Houston, We Have a Problem: And of course, the base commander’s heart skips a beat, just like any person who hears the word “problem.” The word “problem” evokes an emotional response in most people, and it’s not a positive one.  By the way, the word “challenge” is equally as bad. Imagine sitting in a doctor’s office and the doctor comes into the exam room with a grim look on his face as he says, “We have a challenge.”  He then explains that your credit card didn’t go through. But by that time, your blood pressure is through the roof and your heart is in A-fib. The good news is that problems oftentimes present even better opportunities. Therefore, instead of announcing to someone there is a problem, why not jump right to the conclusion? “Houston, We Have an Opportunity!”  Focusing on the opportunity and solutions rather than problems and challenges requires one to analyze and identify whatever tribulation is being faced in a logical and methodical manner so as to find a resolution that places them into a position that is equal to, or often better, than where they started.

Always and Never: There are almost never absolutes. Sentences or statements which begin with always, never, everyone, or nobody, are rarely accurate. Unless giving a command, there are better word choices. “Always” and “Never” opens one up to criticism for inaccuracies, because there’s oftentimes someone whose existence is to prove others wrong. By being a member of the cult of “Always” and “Never” one greatly narrows their mind or thinking to the possibilities.

The Oh So Present Restraining and Restricting BUT: It is predictably, dependently followed by the omnipresent excuse. Be strong and have conviction when expressing your sentiment. For then no excuse is needed.

The Indifferent I’ll Try or I’ll Do My Best:  In many instances, these words are indeterminate, vacillating, and muddy. Of course, pure or good intent does quantify an exception to this. The ambiguity of these words (sentiment) vaguely implies non-commitment and disregard resulting in the inevitable disappointment. In an ideal world where Clarity Is Kindness, “I’ll try” or “I’ll do my best,” are the nemesis of this principle. As Yoda says, “Do or do not, there is no try."

Someday or Sometime: They are the only dates one cannot find on the calendar. They are words used to deceive or placate oneself or, worse yet, others regarding your level of commitment. Like their first cousins “soon” or “later,” these devious words disguise themselves as future ambitions but actually convey a lack of priority or concern.