Are you happy?

By Jack J. Kelly

Are you happy; it’s an easy question but it cuts to the core. We are conditioned since childhood through television shows, commercials, movies, and advertisements that the ultimate goal in life is to be happy. If you buy this shiny piece of jewelry, take a vacation to the perfect sun-drenched beach and wiggle your toes in the bright blue waters, buy the fashionable articles of clothes that all the cool trendy celebrities are wearing this year, move into the right neighborhood with the best schools, and drive a certain prestigious and expense car, only then you will reach the nirvana of happiness.

It’s also imperative that you document your happiness on social media platforms such as Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. Every party and social event you attend, alcoholic drinks you imbibe, goofy things you do, and food that you eat has to be captured in a selfie to inform your friends, family, and strangers on the internet that you are actively pursuing the American dream of attempting to be perpetually happy.

We are programmed to fixate on achieving the perfect state of happiness in life and our careers. Personally, I believe we have been bamboozled (admittedly, ironically, it makes me happy to use a silly sounding word in a serious piece that I am writing) into wasting vast amounts of our precious time mindlessly chasing a false, illusionary destination. The feeling of happiness is temporary and fleeting. It’s like when you eat potato chips, ice cream or pizza. The first little bag of your favorite chips bought at the local bodega along with your sandwich tasted great, and made you happy, but the second bag, a little less so. After eating a bowl of ice cream, the second one does not offer the same satisfaction high. The third and fourth scoops just make you feel bloated, guilty and gluttonous.  Happiness is not made to last, and forces us to hedonistically keep chasing it in an endless cycle. It’s a drug that we take, and then need more doses. When we don’t get the next fix, we fall harder, faster, and deeper into bad mental places.

I maintain that we should be pursuing something else, and change out mindsets. In your career and life it is more important to seek out work and experiences that are meaningful, mentally challenging, spiritually rewarding, helps others, promotes some tiny change in the bigger picture, serves a higher purpose, is in line with your core set of values and principles, and could make the world a better place. A meaningful life is a personal construct and quest to live and work with purpose, significance, fulfillment, and satisfaction of a life well spent.

Do we really need to accept the commonly held belief that happiness is the ultimate goal that motivates us?  I humbly suggest that the best path to true happiness is through the pursuit of a meaningful life, and not the vacuous way it is shoved down our throats. . Psychologists conducted research on how singularly seeking happiness affects people, and the evidence reflects that this behavior negatively impacts our well-being.

Let me offer a few personal examples of the difference between chasing after an elusive ephemeral happy experience, and focusing on building, developing, cultivating, and fostering a meaningful life.  As an Executive Recruiter, when I am successful in procuring a new job for someone, and it offers the job seeker the chance to earn more money (which is spent to better care for her family), embark upon a new exciting challenge, extricates herself from a limiting and possibly toxic environment, and provides the opportunity to have a better more fuller and complete life, it is an amazing feeling that I get. It’s not necessary one of the traditional happiness, but more of a deeper inner satisfaction that is immensely rewarding. It feels that I have truly helped someone, made a positive impact and difference in their life, and did my incrementally small part to make this a nicer world for someone. It also significantly helps the hiring manager and the other employees who have shouldered the burden of extra work due having one less person. With the new hire, it is a much needed relief to those overwhelmed employees. It may seem small, but it is a feeling of pride, accomplishment, and finding purpose and meaning in my job, and life, by helping others.

I have been writing extensively to help people navigate the treacherous interviewing process, offer career advice, point out some of the inherent modern-day workplace problems such as ageism, downsizings, layoffs, offshoring and relocating jobs that have adversely injured people emotionally, mentally, and financially. While these are extraordinarily life-changing moments for people, I get this incredible overwhelming positive feeling of purpose and meaning when they write and call me to say how I have helped them through a rough patch in their life. This is not the commonly held concept of happiness but I think it is much better than a self-indulging sipping a Margarita on a white-sandy beach.

Here’s one more example. In my Recruiting practice I place an array of people. A division within the Compliance and Legal departments of major global banks and financial institutions, have employees responsible for something called Anti-Money Laundering (AML). This career function calls for these highly-trained experienced AML people to vigilantly review, conduct surveillance, investigate and oversee financial transactions in which customers are trying to illegally use the banks to launder money to fund heinous acts such as terrorist activities, funnel money to ruthless drug lords to run their operations, or help tyrannical despots syphon off money from their people for their own gain. The AML professionals also exude a quiet pride in their work. Outside of their niche nobody really knows what they do, however they are fully cognizant of how they spend their lives protecting others who are blissfully unaware of their heroic efforts. Once again, I don’t think they would say that this is happy work but the ability to spend your work life aligned to your core values and principles while also working for a good cause, and making the world a safer place is more meaningful and real.

Instead of chasing fleeting glimpses of happiness through mind-numbing parties and drinking, watching silly shows on Netflix, and going through the motions, punching the clock, doing a job for a paycheck, wouldn’t you find yourself in a better mental, emotional and spiritual space if you spent this time pursuing work and activities that are meaningful? 

The difference between happiness and meaningfulness has been raised throughout the ages, and dates back thousands of years. Ancient Greek philosophers recognized two forms of well-being (1) Hedonia, the ancient Greek word for what behavioral scientists call happiness, and (2) Eudaimonia, what they call meaningfulness. The happy life is defined by seeking pleasure and enjoyment, whereas the meaningful life is bigger. The defining features of a meaningful life are connecting and contributing to something beyond the self, which could be your family, your work, nature, God or other higher calling.

When I speak to candidates seeking new jobs, many articulate this theme. They’ll tell me that although they like their job, they feel unfulfilled and missing something. I think we all have this yearning to find work that is mentally challenging, enables us to contribute for a cause bigger then ourselves, has some deeper meaning, promotes positive change, and is a worthwhile pursuit.

It’s also developing a mindset, and new way to approach life and work. You can choose to pursue both meaning as well as happiness. Carefully select work, pastimes, and relationships based on how they make your life more significant and worthwhile. If happiness is also an end result of your efforts, then you are very fortunate. If it doesn’t, you will still enjoy knowing that your life matters and you are contributing to the world. Yes, the money is important, the status of the career is nice, but are those the things that make you jump out of bed in the morning eager to get started working and living your best life?  

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