Are You the King of a Mediocre Life or the Student of a Great One?

While I was exercising in my living room one day in 2020, I somehow got to thinking about the different types of people I have met in my life. It struck me that the people I knew who were the most set in their ways, the most attached to their own narrative about everything, the most sure they were right, were actually the least successful. They also seemed the least happy. 

At the moment I realized this, the voice in my head made a statement with such clarity I was taken aback. It struck me as quite a profound thought (at least for someone who was currently performing underwhelming push ups in their pajamas). The words I heard were:

“You can be the king of a mediocre life, or the student of a great one.” 

I immediately paused my workout and wrote it down on a note in my phone. 

I have somehow been lucky enough to regularly get into rooms with other 7 and 8 figure business owners. Not to undervalue my own success as a CEO and co-owner of a multi 7 figure company, but when I am in the presence of business owners whose revenue and experience is so much vaster than my own, it’s hard sometimes not to stand in awe. Having access to these people as friends and colleagues still blows my mind, and my favorite part is being able to ask them questions, listen to them, and understand them. They’re human, but they’ve also accomplished something that can seem superhuman. How? What makes them different?

In studying these people up close and personal, I’ve seen a pattern; What the most successful people I know have in common is a genuine openness and curiosity. While the average person is frequently set in their ways and closed off to other perspectives, the people I know with truly great lives are open, curious and humble. 

Michelle Bosch is one such person. I met Michelle on my first day in a Mastermind group for 7 figure entrepreneurs. Our company was only around 400k in annual revenue at that time, but I was convinced that the way to get to 7 figures was to get in the room with other entrepreneurs at that level. The coach running the group agreed to make an exception and let us in at our current revenue level with the understanding that we would be rapidly growing to 7 figures that year. I nervously stood around in our meeting room at the hotel, drinking my tea and trying to look less awkward than I felt. I definitely had the least expensive purse in the room… by a lot. 

Michelle came over to my business partner and me and said she was new, too. We started chatting, and soon it was time to move to our seats and get started. The day was full of hot seats, with business owners sharing the behind the scenes of their companies and asking for guidance on specific areas. When Michelle went up, she grabbed a marker and started drawing. She moved like lightning across the flip chart, talking quickly about the ways they were scaling, structuring and optimizing their multiple 8 figure companies. She used many finance terms I did not understand, and by the end I was pretty sure I was in the presence of an actual genius. 

Afterwards, she came up to us and said “I am so excited to talk to you ladies. I have so much to learn from you!” I was floored. How could someone at such a high level have anything to learn from me? I said as much, and she replied, “I don’t know anything about podcasts. You two are the experts on that. I can’t wait to learn from you!” 

Someone like Michelle who has accomplished so much could easily be a snob, but she’s not. Michelle is a student. She is curious and excited to learn. A byproduct of that curiosity is her humility. When you are open and eager to learn, by default you are admitting that you don’t know everything. Being truly curious means being humble. 

And it’s not just Michelle. There is ample research on the value of curiosity and its strong correlation with success. In her article for Harvard Business Review, Francesca Gino explains her research findings around how curiosity makes us less likely to become victims of confirmation bias. Instead of being limited by what they already believe, curious people are open to new possibilities, even ones that may prove them wrong. This leads to better decision making. Curiosity is also associated with less defensiveness and the ability to take an interest in the perspectives of others, leading to better connection and collaboration. Anyone who owns a business knows that good decision making and the ability to “play well with others” are key ingredients. Curiosity cultivates both.

So how can we intentionally grow our curiosity to achieve success? Here are some things that have worked for me:

1. Meditate Every Day

“Meditate every day” is a piece of boilerplate entrepreneurial advice that has always annoyed me (along with waking up at 5 am). Although you will NEVER see me waking up at 5am, I have given in to the meditating, and it’s been humbling to accept that all those people were actually right. (Ugh).

I have been meditating for 10-20 minutes (almost) every day for two years now. I use an app called Insight Timer to do mostly guided breath work because I find that’s the easiest for me. Meditating every morning has made me much calmer. By slowing down and becoming less reactive, I find I am also less defensive. My energy has shifted from tense and eager to be right, to something lighter and more playful. It has given me the space to become more curious, and the benefits have been huge. I know it’s annoying to hear, but WOW it works. 

2. Read (A Lot)

Exploring new ideas and perspectives in the form of daily reading is an amazing way to open your mind and cultivate curiosity. Want to see all the flaws in your leadership style? Read an amazing leadership book. And then start making changes!

When you read books by and about great entrepreneurs, you can’t help but accept that you have A LOT to learn. This could be overwhelming, but I choose to see it as exciting! 

You may need to get creative to make time for daily reading. Right now I am going for a jog (generous term for a walk) every morning for an hour and listening to an audiobook. This allows me to get through about a book a week and I am really loving the routine. 

3. Get in Rooms Where You Aren’t the Smartest Person

If you only hang out with people less accomplished than you are because it makes you feel good about yourself, you are being a King of mediocrity. Find rooms where you are the dumbest person and start soaking up the knowledge. I promise you, your ego will survive the bruising. One way to do this is to join a mastermind or group coaching program with people in different industries who know more than you do. Then, instead of showing up and trying to prove how smart you are, set a goal to learn from every person and give value wherever you can. 

4. Examine Your Stories Around Failure and Being Wrong

Most of us aren’t bad people. We don’t defend our small ideas because we want to be jerks. We do it because opening ourselves up to curiosity and admitting we don’t know everything feels threatening. That’s natural and very ok. Usually if we are obsessed with being right or knowing everything, it’s because we have a story tied to that.

What is your story about being wrong? Do you have a narrative that you aren’t worthy if you aren’t the smartest person in the room? Does being wrong mean you aren’t good enough? When we are mindful of these old stories and see them clearly, they can no longer control us and limit our learning and growth. You will always be wrong sometimes, there will always be someone who knows more than you, and neither of those things have any impact whatsoever on your value as a human being. 

5. Ask Questions and Listen More

Sometimes when we are the boss, we can forget to shut our mouths. As the business owner, it can feel like we know the most and have the most valuable ideas. I know this has been a challenge for me. When we do less talking and instead ask more questions and listen more, we are able to learn from the people around us. If you think no one around you has good ideas, it’s probably because you haven’t created a space for anyone else to share freely. They have good ideas, they just won’t tell you because you’re using up all the oxygen. 

It’s hard to keep your mouth shut when you have so many visions and ideas that you are excited about. Still, you miss out on the learning and innovation when you don’t intentionally listen more to other peoples’ ideas. The next meeting you lead, try letting other people talk at least 80% of the time. Write down your ideas so you don’t lose them (or feel the compulsion to blurt them out and interrupt someone). When you do talk, consciously ask more questions. 

Slowly, you will start to shift from using words as opportunities to make yourself look good to genuinely using every conversation as a way to learn and grow. 

6. Make a Choice

Ultimately, you always have a choice. It is the age old question of, “Would you rather be happy or right?” Whenever someone asks me this, my initial response is usually “right.” I am, after all, an imperfect person. However, when I truly reflect, I know that’s not true. 

It takes bravery to be a student. You have to admit you don’t know everything and open yourself up to views that could go against everything you thought you knew. You could become open to things that would challenge your core beliefs about yourself and the world. This is legitimately scary! But when you stop defending and let down your guard, only then do you taste true freedom. How much extra energy would you have if you stopped defending and justifying your beliefs? If you could allow yourself to explore and lighten up? What would become possible for you if you let yourself be curious?

It is never too late to take off your crown and become the student again. You may have to eat some humble pie, but the views from the top will be worth it.