You Married to Your Work or to Your Spouse?
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You Married to Your Work or to Your Spouse?

Are you afraid that your future spouse will be a lazy, no-job having couch potato?

Or are you confident that she will have a good career and can match your career-driven personality?

It's important to maintain personal goals and hobbies as a married person, because they help you grow as a person.

Some people are fortunate enough to really love their work. They put tons of energy into their job and receive a lot of personal satisfaction from the results. They tend to work long hours and talk enthusiastically about their job to whomever will listen.

Most of their friends tend to be from the office. They often have little energy left over for anything or anyone else—including their spouse.

There is an expression to describe such people: They are married to their work.

What does this imply about their marriage to their spouse?

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Usually it means that their spouse comes second, which is a recipe for disaster. Even though someone might receive a great deal of satisfaction from his or her job, he or she still needs to put the marriage first.

Work shouldn't be at the expense of your relationship.

Overworked and Loving It

Doug and Laura both had jobs that were important to them. Until now, they had managed to put enough time and energy into their relationship to have a great marriage. But recently, Laura was becoming more and more engrossed in her work. She was very excited about the new project she was working on.

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She worked 12-hour days, brought work home with her, and worked most weekends. All she could talk about were her ideas on the project and where her career was heading. Laura was totally consumed by her work.

When you are married and have a family, it's still important to keep in mind personal goals. Your goals might be small, such as reading a new book every month, or they might be larger, such as developing a new hobby or learning a new skill. Personal goals will help you grow as a person and will enrich your life and your marriage.

Q: Now that I'm married, is it still okay for me to have individual goals?

A: Yes. It's healthy for you and important to your marriage to have individual goals. When you grow as a person, your relationship will grow, too.

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The more realistic your expectations are about the future, the more likely it is that you will meet your goals. But there is a very fine line between setting goals so high that you are always disappointed and not reaching high enough to maximize your potential.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you ...Making Work Enjoyable and Productive

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How good are the relationships that you have with your colleagues?

According to the Gallup organization, people who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their jobs. People who simply have a good friend in the workplace are more likely to be happy.

What's more, good work relationships are linked to better customer engagement and increased profit.

Why Have Good Work Relationships?

Human beings are naturally social creatures. And when you consider that we spend one third  of our lives at work, it's clear that good relationships with colleagues will make our jobs more enjoyable.

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The more comfortable co-workers are around one other, the more confident they'll feel voicing opinions, brainstorming, and going along with new ideas, for example. This level of teamwork is essential to embrace change, create, and innovate.

And when people see the successes of working together in this way, group morale and productivity soars.

Good work relationships also give you freedom. Instead of spending time and energy dealing with negative relationships, you can, instead, focus on opportunities – from winning new business to focusing on personal development.

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And having a strong professional circle will also help you to develop your career, opening up opportunities that otherwise might pass you by.

Handling Difficult Work Relationships

Sometimes, you'll have to work with someone you don't get on with. With the rise of virtual workspaces, many colleagues are benefiting from some time apart. But even communicating virtually can cause misunderstandings or tension.

While it's natural to avoid people who cause friction, it's not always feasible or for the good of your team.

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Reflect on your positive history. If a good relationship has taken a turn for the worse after an incident, positive experiences with a co-worker can strengthen a broken bond.

Look to yourself. When we feel negative about someone, we can become impatient, get angry, and demotivate others. And others can direct those negative behaviors back at us.

Find mutually beneficial goals. Have you considered that a difficult relationship might be due to a power imbalance?

Do you want to add a word or two?...

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When you break it down like that, you can see how work relationships can be a lot to handle. No wonder we struggle trying to strike the right balance in showing our professional and personal sides.

Many leaders get promoted based on their strong, individual skill-sets and expertise. Schools don’t prepare us for how to build effective relationships at work, and this can create a gap for leaders who are smart, but ill-equipped to manage the diversity of relationships they must maneuver.

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Successful leaders have strong, trusting work relationships. It’s nearly impossible to achieve your vision alone — even for the brightest, most talented person.

 Career progression and success rely on involvement of many people across the company as well as help from and partnership with external resources.

Trust is the foundation of strong work relationships. If you are working on building better bonds at work, try these tips.

Your comments?.... 

Listen more than you talk. How do you build trust?

You start by taking the time to know more about one another. People want to be heard. They want to feel valued and respected. That means you need to learn to listen. Take time to find out what they like or dislike.

What are their goals?

How can you support them?

Don’t you want other people to do the same for you?

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Be honest. The truth is powerful. Elvis Presley said, “Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it isn’t going’ away.” One way or another, the truth will always come out. Don’t hide it. Face it — especially when it’s a hard truth. People notice how leaders deal with the truth.

Be open. Open your mind and eyes to the people and opportunities around you. A common mistake leaders make is that they only focus on creating good relationships with people they can benefit from.

Remember that every single person has something valuable to contribute. It’s up to you to notice.

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Be flexible. Your own way is not the only way. Good leaders are open to others’ opinions, ideas and cultures. They flex their thoughts and views to see the bigger picture of how different ideas contribute to achieving the vision.

Ziv Nakajima-Magen

Japan Real Estate Property, Investment Facilitation, Relocation Services, Event Organizing

3y

Both, actually - my wife is my business partner. It’s…interesting.

Priti Donnelly

Helping individuals and groups resolve conflicts through assisted conversations.

3y

If the work is challenging, enjoyable and brings about financial gain to be able to enjoy life to the max, then it's absolutely worth those long hours!

Dayal Ram

Managing Director at DAYALIZE

3y

Show respect. If you don’t respect others, how can you expect anyone to respect you? Be kind and respectful to everyone around you — from the cleaning lady to the taxi driver to the server and your admin staff. So many people support you. Every soul and living being on this Earth has a unique gift. Our differences are what make our world a beautiful place. Be proactive. Leaders do NOT wait around. They take action and make things happen. Be the change that you wish to see in the world. Go for win-win. This world is abundant enough for all of us to achieve what we want. In negotiations or meetings, people often make the mistake of setting goals to beat the other side. Instead, think about how you could both walk away with what you want. Shoot for making both sides happy. Look for ways to collaborate. That’s what good leaders do. Be personal. People crave connection, even at work. They want to know their colleagues. Being personal is not the same as being unprofessional. You can be professional and personal at the same time. Tear down that wall and show the world who you really are. Be authentic. People are smart. They can sense when your kindness or friendliness is phony. Check in with yourself. What are your intentions? Are they sincere? Be real. Be you. Be fully you. This is the easiest, yet most difficult one. I believe good leaders lead not only at work, but also in every aspect of their lives. That’s what it means to live a Leadership Lifestyle. When you are fully “you,” you are at your best. Show up as your best self in every aspect of your life.

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