You Need a Problem

One of the first steps in preparing for a negotiation is assessing the quality and depth of the relationship with the other party or parties. Typically, one can rate them on a scale of -3 to +3, with +3 meaning you practically have sleepovers every week. 

When I join a deal team and perform this exercise, the team typically overstates the quality of their relationship. Some are downright delusional.

In a previous job, I was leading a negotiation to resolve a dispute on a data migration deal with a state government. I put the names of all government officials on a white board and asked the team, generally, what was the quality of the relationship. They said, overall, a +2. By the time I finished the exercise, every name on the whiteboard was -1 or worse. “I think we’ve found the issue,” I told the five executives. “The client hates us.” They nodded in agreement.

The good news with that deal was: we had a dispute. Some people find this hard to believe, but one of the best ways to improve a relationship is to have to work through a disagreement. Once, when a client account leader called me because he said something had gone wrong, I congratulated him. 

“You need a problem,” I said. “It’s the only way you’re going to take your relationship to the next level.”

Problems with clients can be great opportunities because it gives a service provider the chance to show the client how their people behave during a crisis. Everyone gets along when things are going great. Why shouldn’t they? Things are going great! But how do you get along when there is stress and conflict?

In a dispute, we can demonstrate our discipline, integrity and empathy. We can focus on the problem, not the fault. Deal with root cause analysis later. Sit down with your team, candidly assess the situation. What did they do or not do? What could we have done better. And then shape a communication plan toward working through the remedies.

If you’re at fault, admit it (with certain limitations that lawyers reading this would raise as comments!). Did we under-staff? Did we have the wrong people on the project? Did we miss deadlines? The fastest way to demonstrate trust-worthiness is to admit when you’re wrong and acknowledge that the other party is right. It will also encourage the other party to admit where they could have performed better.

The goal should be that the client recalls how you responded during a difficult time and, with everything settled, appreciates the candor and honesty with which you help get the program back on track to make them successful.

(Follow me for weekly insights and tips on Leadership, Sales and Negotiation, or subscribe at www.runningtheroom.com.)