If You Want to Be a Supporter of Women: Start Somewhere

Not everyone who has an origin story is a superhero. 

Four months ago, I shared my first #followfriday post on LinkedIn, highlighting my friend and long-time family photographer, Avi Loren Fox. It was, candidly, a spur of the moment thing — we had just the day before done a photo shoot for the LISI team, and I wanted to give Avi a shoutout since for so many small business owners right now, work can be hard to come by. 

The reaction was very positive. The LinkedIn community joined in the conversation, and it was fun to surprise Avi with a little online love. 

Each week since, I’ve picked one amazing woman to feature. I surprise her on a Friday morning with a testimonial to her awesomeness. Often, many people chime in to shower her with love as well. For one brief sliver of time, we all stop to appreciate this woman. We see her and her contributions to our businesses and our communities. We recognize how she has made a difference in our lives.

Recently I’ve received praise for these highlights and have been commended for modeling what it means to be a woman who supports women. But I feel utterly undeserving of any such praise. Because, my friends, I have to admit...I wasn’t always this person. 

I didn’t used to be the one shining a light on the woman across the table with the great idea. I was the one who felt threatened by her success. 

I wasn’t the one helping build networks. I was attempting to be a power broker.

And I certainly wasn’t the one standing up for the people who needed defending against the bully. I was aligned with the bully.

Let me back it up a little bit. 

I’ve spent almost my entire career working in law firms or with lawyers. For the uninitiated, a law firm is a special kind of animal. In a firm, you’re surrounded by incredibly intelligent people who, in my opinion, must possess a pretty big sense of self to do what they do. And they are perfectionists, either by training or it's in their DNA, I am not sure which. Either way, it’s a tough environment, to say the least. 

Knowing this, you’ll probably call me crazy for what I’m about to say, but I love working with lawyers and law firm professionals. I love the high expectations, demanding timelines, and especially the big personalities that are inherent to the industry.

It is perhaps that love for big personalities where this story takes a turn. 

Being an ambivert by nature, I often find myself in the position of bridging the gap between a big personality leader and the staff. A person once told me I’m great at being a leader’s right hand. I have mixed emotions about this compliment, but truth be told, I’ve always been good in this role. I am the person who gets things done. 

Early in my legal marketing career, I gained a reputation being the woman behind the strong leader with the big personality. And I aspired to be that big personality leader one day with a right hand person of my own. 

Trust me when I say, this particular big personality was not the model I should have followed. 

Working with Big Personality, I became the worst possible version of myself. I was miserable. I was angry all of the time, and I had very few meaningful professional relationships. I spent more time feeling negatively about people I worked with, mostly women, than I did focusing on what they brought to the table — and how I was learning and growing because of my opportunity to work with them. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was a self-perpetuating cycle of negativity and toxicity. 

After the death of my father — the bedrock upon which I modeled my career; the loss of a baby mid-term; and reaching a point in my personal and professional life where I felt like I had hit rock bottom, I realized something had to change. I didn’t like who I had become and I didn’t want to be that person anymore. 

I knew I had to choose a different path, in favor of my mental health and well-being.

That was easier said than done, and the path to where I am now was winding and treacherous. But, in the end, it was worth it. I am now in the most personally fulfilling job I’ve ever had, with the best, high-performing, close-knit team I could have ever hoped for. I love “going” to work every day. 

Aside from being one of the best professional decisions I’ve ever made, that entire experience and what I learned from it has changed my perspective on what it means to be a woman who supports women. And this great career position I’m in affords me the opportunity to turn around and shine a light on the women who have made a difference in my life. 

In the years since, I’ve reflected a lot on the person I used to be. I’ve worked hard to build back relationships that were damaged by my negativity, in particular my relationships with women. Most importantly, I’ve vowed never to allow myself or anyone around me to act the way I did or make people feel the way I did. 

I’ve made it my life’s work and passion to support other women. I’ve consciously made it a habit to offer support, guidance, and sometimes simply an ear to women who want or need it. By making this choice, it has become so ingrained into my daily life that being a supporter of women is my natural starting position. 

Now when the woman across the table has a great idea, I make sure everyone has a chance to hear it.  

Now when she could use an introduction or I know someone who would be a good addition to her network, I excitedly foster those connections.

And, most importantly, when someone is seeking a new direction, be it a new job or a way to handle their own Big Personality situation, I do whatever I can to help. Whether that’s coaching her on how to advocate for herself, or helping her refine her personal brand and put her best foot forward for a new opportunity. 

The moral of the story is this: Whatever your origin story, be it an ardent supporter of women from day one, or someone who wants to make a change in her approach, start somewhere. Start anywhere. Today is a new day. We may not individually be superheroes, but together we are powerful beyond measure. As they say, a rising tide lifts all boats, and we can all be a part of that tide.