Your Life Isn’t About You

Intro:

John Lennon once wrote:  “Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans”. 

There’s a certain personality type that never really wants to be happy, but they just want to talk about being happy in the future. Call it Type A, call it Alpha, call it whatever you want.  In my case, I could call it me for the majority of my now 37 years.

There’s nothing at all wrong with never settling.

But the danger in building your entire life around future goals is that your consistent orientation will be that of striving at all times. If we’re addicted to striving, there’s very little room to invest deeply in those we are present with right now.  

Dr. Wayne Dyer called this the disease of more. The challenge is that even as we reach those goals we're striving for, the moment we arrive we don’t know what to do because we’ve been addicted to striving for so long. This causes us to remain discontent because we are so addicted to striving. Dyer called the present moment the “working unit” of life.

One of the most important lessons most of us as leaders never learn is that life isn’t really about us.

Which is difficult to understand at first. But I’ve found that the more I’m focusing on propping myself up the more miserable I feel, and the more inadequate I’m shown to be.

Life is meant to be a series of challenges that make us more like the ideal version of whom we were designed to be.  

The most optimal version of you is the one in which you’re helping others by guiding them, supporting them, and protecting them. And this can only happen right now.

That’s where the joy is, and the peace, and the true fulfillment and power. When you put the “We” above the “I” and build the team and not just the self, life gets so much better.

Feature: 

Joe Calloway is a speaker, a leading business thinker, an author, and a consultant to some of the world’s largest companies. He’s worked with companies like Coca Cola, Delta Air Lines, and American Express. 

He’s helped some of the most powerful organizations simplify, focus, and win. He’s helped them outperform their competition and dominate in an ever-competitive marketplace. 

His book Be the Best at What Matters Most: The Only Strategy You will Ever Need has been pivotal in the world of business strategy and Joe’s work has been reviewed in publications like The New York Times. 

Next-Gen Leadership:

When you give feedback to your team members, are you “window gazing” or “mirror holding”? In communications and management expert Joe Hirch’s latest article, “Good Feedback Is a Two-Way Conversation,” he describes how most often, managers give feedback as if they’re window gazing: speaking only from the perspective of what they see, subjectively, giving directives and passing judgment on what that employee should be seeing and doing differently. Instead, he writes, it would improve managers-employee relationships to engage in a “mirror holding” feedback process. In this, managers don’t direct employees’ gaze, but guide it, asking them questions to understand the full scope of their work and then engaging in a dialogue about their strengths, goals, recent accomplishments, and skill areas that they should work on developing—with the help and guidance of their manager. Hirsch walks through how to ask “hero questions,” diagnose challenges and then help shape the path (instead of prescribing it). As he says, “The best feedback helps others understand their strengths and provides the reassurance and guidance to build on those strengths.” When you engage in “mirror holding” instead of “window gazing,” you build the foundation with encouragement and understanding. 

High-Performance Tips:

Which kind of goals do you normally set for yourself: habit goals or achievement goals? People typically fall into the achievement goal category; they identify real achievement with intensity and think that for a goal to be worthy, it must be prodigious and all-encompassing. In actuality, though, as Michael Hyatt explains on his blog, the goals that keep people motivated and make the biggest difference are habit goals—a.k.a. goals whose accomplishment is simply consistency. Here are his “4 Ways to Make Daily Progress on Goals”:

1. Clarify and define your goal. Vision comes first. Know the end result you want. Then get specific and write it all down—getting it on paper is key.
2. Determine the most applicable (and doable) behavior. Think: incremental change. Pick something you will actually do every day. For Jerry Seinfeld, it was writing one joke. 
3. Track your progress. Whether that’s crossing off a day on the calendar, or checking a box on a list, tracking it in some way gives you a visual of your progress, which sustains your motivation and keeps you accountable by reinforcing the habit.
4. Recruit an accountability partner. Two are better than one—you can both lift each other up when you fall. But be sure you pick a partner who is encouraging!

Fortifying Your Faith: 

As I’ve continued to mull over and figure out what it means to be a good Shepherd Leader both in general and in the entrepreneurial space, I’ve consistently relied on the imagery of my employees, team members, daughters, wife, and other loved ones as my flock of sheep, per se. When you are looking over a flock, you must be able to tell things about them that they aren’t able to tell you. You have to remember that you are not a leader without your flock to begin with—they are what and who makes you what you are, so it is in taking care of them that you not only take care of yourself, but also actually become more of the person you want to always be. On the Faith Driven Entrepreneur blog last week, I came across a podcast episode in which Capital III founder and chairman Pete Ochs recalled Proverbs 27:23-24, which talks about this very idea. The verses say: 

Be sure you know the condition of your flock, give careful attention to your herds; for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations.

“I think part of our flock is people, process, and property,” Ochs explains. “We need to know those really well. But it all starts with people.” People are our herds, our flocks, our partners, our business. They make it all. If they’re not taken care of—if they don’t get careful attention—we’re not doing our jobs, and we’re certainly not acting as leaders, much less true shepherds.

Podcast: 

In addition to working with the world’s largest companies, Joe also works with small to mid-sized companies, including franchisees, medical practices, and a range of professional services groups. 

In addition, to Be the Best at What Matters Most, Joe has written other influential books like Becoming A Category of One: How Extraordinary Companies Transcend Commodity And Defy Comparison. His newest book The Leadership Mindset came out last year and is about how the most important factor in the success or failure of a business is a mindset. 

On this episode of the Top 1% Podcast, Joe and I talk about his transition from being a keynote speaker to becoming a top business consultant, what you can do to stand out in the crowded marketplace, and Joe’s 3 customer rules! 

The full episode is here! 

Quote:

“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Keep others always at the forefront of your mind, your planning, and your actions. Choose actions that will consistently aid you in accomplishing your goals. Know that while you have wisdom to help guide those you lead, they too have wisdom to help you lead better.

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