Your son Almost failed his PP1 Entry Examination!

If this topic was being covered by the famous commentator Leonard Mambo Mbotela, he would have exclaimed "Jee! Huu ni Ufala", you are free to object to my taking liberties with popular phrases in the comment section.

So, what is my rant about this hot Nairobi afternoon, you must be asking, to put it simply this should have been the prelude to my earlier article about parents scarring their children as clearly the damage that I thought was being inflicted post primary actually begins much earlier than I had previously imagined.

The article image should give you a quick glimpse into what I am writing about but if it doesn't then you might have to do the 1,000 word alternative.

Now to reminisce, when I had come of age and needed to move from kindergarten which was/is at the Nairobi West Shopping Centre, yes where many of you spend your weekends, to Class 1 which was across the river in South C, the entire interview process consisted of me being asked to touch my right ear with my left hand which I want to believe was an advanced scientific way to ascertain if I was developing well but I might be mistaken.

Now when I think about it, what would have happened if I has touched my right ear using my left hand by going under my chin instead of over my head?

If I was in the west chances are they would have recommended I join an institution for gifted children but in Kenya that could have ended up with me being classified of "challenged".

Back to the issue at hand, another of my mentees, a sign that I am ageing, calls me asking about what the son needs to do to prepare for a PP1 entrance exam, my response was that he just needed to touch his right ear with his left hand assuming that the new curriculum had not changed it to right ear with left hand.

His response was that that was the stone-age way of doing it and that nowadays they are required to take a written exam, also, the school also offers entry exam preparation classes for those parent's who suspect that their children might not be too bright, yani wako kama wazazi wao.

I am sure that if I Google I will come across a tuition centre that provides coaching for Entry Exams to different schools where Ivy goes, maybe even with a higher tier offering for those seeking an assured entry aka SureBet.

The other reason that my mentee was concerned is because he had earlier taken his son to a Montessori based system school, on my recommendation.

Even though he had taken the plunge of faith, he had been getting concerned about that decision because every time he visited his peers with similar aged children, who were attending nursery schools based on the Kenya Headmistress Association, KHA, system, those children could read, write and do mathematics while his son could not.

Montessori curriculum for toddlers, those aged 0-3 years, is based on 6 integrated areas of development, i.e. sensory & perceptual, physical, cognitive, gross motor & fine motor skills, self-care & personal development skills, and social & emotional skills.

All those things we are now calling soft skills and trying to teach to university level students who missed out in their earlier years as there parents were more interested in having their children seem brighter than those of the neighbours or their siblings.

Let me cut this long story short as I can sense many of you reading are already getting hot under the collar and with the Nairobi temperatures above 26 degrees could be catastrophic.

A child joining PP1 or what we used to call Class 1 is only supposed to be able to go to the toilet unaided any school demanding more than that from your child is demonic and any parent who tries to meet those demonic requirements will pay for their sins in their old age when they shall be at the mercy of those same children.

So, the next time you hear of someone looking for a tutor to prepare their 4 year old for an Entry Exam, please "ngoto" them and send them on their way.

PS. If there are words you do not understand that is intentional as the article is targeted and a few specific group of kumbafus.