Your Value System Is Like a Pantry, and It May Be Time to Clean It Out

The following is adapted from Responsibility Rebellion.

Pardon the intrusion, but what does your pantry look like?

If it’s anything like mine, it’s in need of some attention. There are some products I go through and replenish quickly, but I have to admit, there are some tins lurking toward the back that have been there for years. Not to mention, there are all the random trendy things like fancy flax seeds and raspberry vinaigrette that I’m never going to use, but I bought in a moment of weakness.

It may sound strange, but your value system is a lot like that struggling pantry. Your core values guide and shape your priorities, and when your actions align with them, life is generally pretty great. The problem is, core values are hardly infallible. They’re the product of your upbringing, environment, culture, status, and experience. And all too often, people hang on to negative core values, which hinder their ability to succeed.

It might be time to toss out some of the unhelpful and negative beliefs buried at the back of your pantry. It’s only when you ask difficult questions and challenge your values that you begin to uncover the harmful beliefs that have been holding you back in life.

Take Inventory

The first step of cleaning out your value pantry is simple—take stock of what’s in it. I know what you’re thinking: “That’s all very well and good, but how on earth are you supposed to identify your core values?” Well, I’m sure you value trust, loyalty, peace, generosity, honesty, growth, empathy, truthfulness, efficiency, and things similar to those. Most people do. But there are some unexpected values hiding in the back of the cupboard, I promise.

To really get to the bottom of what you value in life, you have to get real with yourself and stop viewing yourself through rose-tinted glasses. When it comes to personal self-evaluation, even the most insecure and self-deprecating person prefers to view themselves in an overly idealistic way. Most people regard themselves as kinder, friendlier, more generous, and more supportive than they really are. This means that most people tend to claim values they know they should have rather than those they actually do.

The most effective approach to uncovering your core values is to write down all the significant moments in life, good and bad, which taught you something. You may have witnessed something you agreed or disagreed with, accomplished something which fulfilled you, or been through something which evoked an unexpected response from you. You can dissect these moments to identify the values hidden inside them.

Start Sorting

Once you have a list of values, it’s time to narrow them down. Obviously, you can toss the expired, rotten values straight into the bin. These might include ideas you unconsciously developed in childhood that may not fit with your current worldview, like “money matters more than honesty,” or “everyone’s an island.”

It may be the case that you only have a list of positive values. You will still need to prune, however, because when you have too many values, life can become overwhelming and mentally exhausting. It’s important to limit your number of core values and strive to fulfil a selection of them to the best of your capabilities.

For many people, this is exceptionally difficult. After all, most values are (arguably) important to some degree, so choosing to discard and dismiss them in favour of others can feel daunting. If you have lots of related or very similar values, find one word which best describes them all, then cull the ones which aren’t as important.

The best approach to weeding out casual from core values is to ask yourself which values represent who you truly are and support who you want to grow into. Those are the only values which truly matter. The rest are just accessories to your sense of being. They’re the fashionable flax seeds and raspberry vinaigrettes. They seemed right at the time, but that time has long passed.

Challenge yourself to list between five and ten core values. These core values are what you will subsequently carry through your life and demonstrate through daily actions, so it’s important you formulate a list which supports both your strengths and weaknesses. These are your nourishing, go-to pantry staples.

Put Everything Back in Order

Now, you have your list of five to ten core values. Challenge yourself to implement and act upon them for thirty days. By the end of thirty days, return to your list and evaluate your progress and values. Ask yourself which values came naturally, which felt misplaced, and which were too difficult. Were there values you excluded from your list which you missed and would like to implement, or were there values which didn’t feel right and you’d like to remove and replace?

Over the next few weeks, keep working on your core values by taking the time to consciously act in accordance with them, and spend time evaluating how you feel at the end of the day or week. It’s important that you make decisions in accordance with your true values. Any feelings of misalignment, inauthenticity, or emptiness need to be addressed through the evaluation of your core values.

I recommend working on a list of values for at least a month before making any major changes to your list (unless you recognise very early on in your self-examination that one of your values is grossly inappropriate for who you’re trying to become). You can always shift things around in your pantry, but the goal is to find the best arrangement possible. You never want to end up with forgotten, expired goods again.

This is a process of trial and error, so give yourself the time to learn, adjust, and amend when necessary. Once you’ve formulated a successful list of values, cement it and carry it consciously throughout every priority decision you face in life.

Clean Out Your Pantry on a Regular Basis

Grounded and well-organised adults clear out their value pantries on a regular basis. They have the self-awareness to know and accept that not everything in there is going to last forever. They know there is no right way to live, and they know they shouldn’t just inherit and mimic the pantry their parents left them with—it’s stale, old, and inauthentic to who they are.

Your values need replenishing, updating, and discarding accordingly. The more familiar you are with the contents and usefulness of your pantry, the more at rest and productive you will be with your life.

For more advice on values, you can find Responsibility Rebellion on Amazon.

Kain Ramsay is the top-ranked psychology and personal growth instructor at Udemy and founder of Achology.com, an academy devoted to teaching modern methods and principles of applied psychology. Known for his trademark teaching style, Kain delivers highly sought-after programs that include Mindfulness, Life Coaching, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In 2018, he partnered with world-renowned author Gerard Egan to produce an online adaptation of Egan’s international bestselling book, The Skilled Helper.