You've Left Me with Such Pretty Scars.

A new friend here on LinkedIn sent me a very nice note last night, which included this:

"I saw in one of your training videos you have a tattoo on your arm. What does it say?"

"Mi hai lasciato con queste cicatrici graziose."

The text roughly translates to,

"You've left me with such pretty scars."

I got the tattoo about a year after our 10-year-old daughter passed away from complications of Alagille syndrome in 2013.

Now, memorial tattoos aren't that uncommon. When a person loses a child, they tend to look for some expression of permanence - some way to remember them that can't be easily erased or taken away.

Sometimes, those tokens (or talismans, if you will) are all that keep us moving forward another day.

But memorial tattoos usually aren't like mine.

Why, out of the entire universe of things I could have had drawn on my body, would I choose those words?

1) Scars mean you have experienced life.

I'd love to tell you that our 10 years with Aria were idyllic. And we did have a LOT of fantastic times together. But those years were also fraught with challenges, stress, and uncertainty for all of us.

The emotional scars Aria, Carla, and I accumulated throughout each surgery, disappointing doctor visit, and public questioning ("Why is your daughter so yellow?") will never go away completely.

But they're there to remind us that we loved deeply and unconditionally... not only when life lined things up for us perfectly, but when we stood in the face of humbling unfairness as well.

Scars say that you took a chance, not that you've failed.

2) Scars mean that you have gained strength and depth.

We live in a culture that has conditioned us to avoid even the slightest discomfort - and if there's a pill, affirmation, or video purported to do it instantly, so much the better.

But I, for one, can't imagine what kind of self-centered, clueless jackwagon I'd be if life had been easy.

The emotional scars I've collected over a lifetime, and particularly those Aria left behind, are what make me human. They're also what make me bulletproof.

They remind me to understand when I could judge, and to observe when I can't understand.

And because life is intrinsically neither fair nor unfair, they remind me that when the poo hits the fan, I've been through worse... so I don't have to ask myself if I can handle whatever crapstorm is coming my way.

I don't get it right all the time, but I'm slowly "getting it."

3) Scars are a beacon for others who hurt.

I don't broadcast all of my disappointments and hurts, but I am very open about my emotional scars when someone else is hurting, stuck, or on the verge of giving up.

I've found that I don't have to say much about my own scars, either.

People just know. And they connect, not because they think I have answers (far from it), but because they sense they're not struggling alone.

They sense that I'll listen without trying to fix their problems. That through my scars, they'll cultivate the courage find their own way.

Sometimes knowing that is all it takes to say, "Ok, I feel better enough to keep on keepin' on."

What about your "pretty scars?"

If you're like many of us, you've learned that a perfect veneer is essential for success.

Society deems scars (physical, mental, and emotional) ugly and repulsive. We're taught that we have to hide them at all costs, or people will find out just how messy our lives really are.

But EVERYONE has them. And if we can help others be less ashamed and more empowered by their scars, we all might get a little more out of this whole "life" thing.

What are YOUR "pretty scars," and how can you use them to help others?

Let me know in the comments!