“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it may be time for a few wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. We all do lots of things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated, and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Google News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one small “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly.
Now it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe this year.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Maryanne G says
I had been at that breaking point and I wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays. Short and helpful. I guess I was too busy. I am now learning at my ripe age of 72 to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and nugget-size bits of advice!
Masha says
I’ve struggled saying no to things and feeling the overwhelm. Sometimes im doing things that arent the first priority. Your advice to step back, review, and ask if this is really what i should do is really spot on !
Joel says
Great essay and concepts here today. It’s somewhat of a luxury trap for many of us. We agree to new obligations, begin new projects and direct our behaviour because we feel our lives will be bettered in an imaginary future payoff. But we rarely consider that the extra work spawns even greater responsibilities, locking us into our new level of living.
Pam Cornett says
This is just what I need at this time. I am totally overwhelmed by a bunch of work on my plate already this year. Yesterday I did go through some paperwork on my desk and in my inbox. Not all of it, just a little bite or sip and I will tackle some more today.
I too really appreciate your emails and posts, they help me put things in perspective. Thanks as always.
audrea says
Im earning to make decisions and plans based on if it aligns with my true self and what is important to me. Being self aware helps me to be a better part of my world and the people I touch. It’s really hard work but worth it.
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating/ updating my home, a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much!
Jean says
Oh my gosh, Any Terese, your story is MY story too! I’m redoing my house all at once and now I’ve found myself in a complete state of being STUCK. Like I seriously cannot move for being overwhelmed with this utter mess I’ve created. Yesterday I sat myself down and said enough. Get it together, one area at a time and wow, for the first time in weeks, I actually feel like it’s coming together. I try to read Mark and Angels daily kick in the backside, but lately I’ve been “too busy”. Today I DID read this and I can’t thank them enough. Even better, I can’t thank YOU enough for your letter! You inadvertently gave me some hope and positive thoughts just by realizing I’m not alone! Big smiles and a lighter heart today!!
Donna says
Right there with you on the house project….every room in disarray….OVERWHELMING !
Ive finally decided to be kind to myself and just accomplish SOMETHING….no matter how small…..baby steps…..and dont beat myself up over the mess. I just wanted better, not more. Gotta start w a TTD LIST in writing so i can at least get this overwhelming feeling out of my head. It will happen…..for both of us! Wishing you a peaceful and productive day.
Hilary says
My plate is waaay too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with for over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. M&A, your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my video recordings from your conference these past years — excellent!
Carmen Mota says
As I get older, I’ve come to realize that my emotional wellbeing is a priority.
4 decades ago, I was running around like the energizer bunny and not getting anything done & ultimately felt my performance was poor. This was a reality check!!!
What works for me is staying grounded by breaking tasks down and prioritizing what is really important on that particular day or week.
Thank you for your voice of reason and inspiration. This struck a chord with me.
JH says
I have definitely felt like that guy in the story before, completely overwhelmed by everything in front of me. Such a great article on why “No” is the most important word in the English language. Being a virtual assistant, I sometime have to say no to a client or a potential one either because I have too much work (usually the case) or I don’t have the skills/knowledge to perform whatever the client is desiring to have done. You need to make this word part of your vocabulary and say it when needed.
Donna says
NO…..such a powerful word!
Gotta learn it for my own well being. The “yes fatigue” is overwhelming.
Kathy R says
The part about distracting yourself away from the overwhelm is so what I needed to read. That hit home with me and my current struggles weaning off of the distractions. Have been using the ‘one sip at a time’ approach at getting things done, but until I curb distractions I will keep struggling. You’re articles are always full of helpful insights for which I am grateful.
Amanda says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now. So…thank you.
Tabbi says
I have been reading your articles for awhile now, and I always walk away with a little more hope and clarity each time. Thank you.
L says
I was always a yes man for others and a no man for me. I always felt selfish if I said yes to me but now that has changed with age. If I don’t say yes to me know one else that’s important will be able to get the best of me. So I have learned this the hard way, thanks for the reminder.
marj kammer says
I alway liked the saying “Yes, you can do it all, but you can’t do it all at the same time”. Love the article — and especially “You are not superwoman”, Picking the priorities and keeping them to a small list is the biggest priority. Thank you always for your insights.
Frans says
I am 76 and still working too much, due to this very cycle you are talking about, I am normally at my office before 6am & leave at 5pm. I am doing exactly what you have said (have you been reading my daily diary). I am getting less & less done. Somehow I must find a way to sort out what to say NO to. Thank you for this wake-up call.
Autumn says
This yr I am committed to being true to myself & my path in life. Thank you for your messages. I had to learn along time ago to say no to ppl, it was hard but I had to because I was trapped in that got to please everyone mindset & then I started realizing that those ppl where using me for my kindness which in the end was hurting me in so many ways. I am still learning to set healthy boundaries & sticking to then but I no longer fear saying no, nor fear following my own path.
Margi Popp says
Hello Angel and Marc
This message resonates what my life is like. I have always tried to be all things to all people. If a need is presented to me I raise my hand sort of speaking; I can do that…then after committing it’s like why can I not say no or just be quiet and not volunteer? I am 75 and I am doing better but the need to please is always at the forefront. My attitude sometimes is, if not me, then who?
Thank you for your columns of great common sense knowledge.
Have an auspicious day!
Evie Miller says
This Essay comes at the most convenient time. The first month of the year, when we or I like to take on a lot of new ideas, tasks and challenges. I love this reminder to just set and keep healthy boundaries. Just ask myself do I need to be doing this. Thanks for the gentle reminder.
Capt. Dave says
Eat The Frog First.. Brian Tracey!
Felicity says
Perfect! Recovering from a knee replacement and my ‘forced sitting’ had me picking up some less than useful habits – too much tablet/device time while waiting for my next at home PT workouts. Your article reminded me to “write down” the ‘goals’. Using my new planner to map out my day -on paper instead of inside my head- has been the key! Thank you for your advice and “sharings”!
Joni Smith says
Your article sums it up so well. We can’t do it all even if we believe it is possible. My inclination is to try to reinvent myself and go in different directions in an attempt to be that “perfect me.” I am realizing that focusing on a few things is a much better approach. Thank you.
Barbara Whitney says
This article reminds me why I am so happy that I have gotten back into opening the 1000 Plus Little Things book again each morning. It always seems to open to what I needed to read. Yes I am a person who says YES way too much and this article is a reminder that I must slow down say NO a little more often and give myself time to be me !! Thank you Marc and Angel ….. my book is so highlighted now I don’t think there are any pages that don’t have a highlighted phrase it very colourful now and I love it ?