With tears in his eyes, often searching for words, Jerry Kill stepped down as Gophers football coach Wednesday morning.
Midway through his fifth season with the University of Minnesota, Kill expressed the agony he has gone through with his epilepsy and his painful decision to stop coaching after 32 years. Kill’s decision is effective immediately, and he said it comes after multiple health scares this season, including at least two recent seizures and no more than three hours’ sleep a night over the past three weeks.
“Well, this is a tough moment for me … and our players, coaches,” Kill said, his voice cracking as he began a 30-minute news conference at TCF Bank Stadium. “I’ve given every ounce that I have for 32 years to the game of football. … I ain’t done anything else; that’s the scary part.”
Defensive coordinator and associate head coach Tracy Claeys has been named interim head coach for the rest of the season. The Gophers (4-3, 1-2 Big Ten) will play No. 15 Michigan on Saturday night at TCF Bank Stadium.
Interim athletics director Beth Goetz said discussions about Kill’s future were held Monday, and Kill made the decision Tuesday night.
“It’s heartbreaking, as you guys have just listened to him,” Goetz said after Kill spoke.
Board of Regents Chairman Dean Johnson said he was aware Kill was ailing over the past couple of weeks, but he expected Kill’s health would improve.
Goetz said Kill has demonstrated the “utmost courage.”
“He is a man of unbelievable character, strength,” Goetz said. “He supports everyone around him, and he has set a tremendous example about what it means to be passionate, going after your dreams, to be fully committed to anything and everything you do.”
After missing a news conference Tuesday because of an appointment, Kill attended his team’s practice later in the day.
“Last night when I walked off the practice field … I felt like a part of me died,” Kill said.
Later, he added, “I want to coach the way I’ve coached my whole life. … I still want to coach. I was at practice (Tuesday) after having two seizures. I probably wasn’t supposed to go there, either, but I didn’t give up. I made my decision, but I said, ‘Maybe not. Let me go out here and give ‘er one last shot.’ But walking off the field, I think, ‘Tracy and our staff can do a better job than I can.’ ”
Kill, 54, has dealt with seizures since he was an assistant coach at Pittsburg State in 1992.
During his second game at Minnesota, in 2011, Kill had a grand mal seizure in the final minutes against New Mexico State on Sept. 10 and a mild seizure in the locker room after a loss to Northwestern on Oct. 13. During the 2012 season, he had a seizure at halftime against Michigan State on Nov. 27.
In 2013, Kill had a seizure at halftime against Western Illinois on Sept. 14 and before the Michigan game on Oct. 19. He missed the Michigan game, then stepped aside, with Claeys assuming acting coaching duties for the final seven games.
Of his health issues this fall, Kill said: “I’ve had seizures. I don’t want to talk about all that. But, yes.”
At Big Ten media days in Chicago in July, he said it had been a year and a half since his last seizure.
Kill said Wednesday that “some of those struggles have returned, and I don’t want to cheat the game.”
Kill also acknowledged that he didn’t take much time off in 2013. He didn’t travel to Ann Arbor for the game at Michigan, but he did go to Evanston, Ill., the next week when the Gophers played at Northwestern.
“I mean, a lot of people think I didn’t coach when I had the situation 2-1/2 years ago, but I will clarify everything: I missed one game, and I went to the Northwestern game, but I came in 10, 12 hours a day,” Kill said.
Kill also acknowledged that he hasn’t always taken his medication because it has affected his clarity.
“As my doctor says, ‘You’re crazy for not taking stuff before a game,’ ” he said. “I said, ‘I love this game, and I don’t want to let our university down. I want to win, but taking sleeping pills to sleep, you know, it ain’t worth it.’ ”
Now, Kill said he is following medical advice.
“My doctor told me it was in my best interest for my family and my kids — and hopefully grandkids someday — that if I didn’t (resign) and move on with my life that I may be a guy that don’t think too good down the road,” Kill said.
Kill also said he was affected by Sunday’s death of Flip Saunders, a former Gophers basketball player and Timberwolves executive and coach. Kill called Saunders “a pretty special person” who died at age 60. Saunders was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma in June.
“Certainly … you think about that,” Kill said.
GOPHERS ‘ON THE MAP’
With a 4-3 record this season, Kill finishes with a 29-29 record with the Gophers. His teams won eight games in 2013 and 2014, and he was honored as Big Ten Coach of the Year after last season. Overall, Kill was 156-102 at five schools from Division II to Football Championship Subdivision to the Football Bowl Subdivision.
In January, Minnesota played in its first New Year’s Day bowl game since 1962, losing 33-17 to Missouri in the Citrus Bowl. Kill coached the Gophers to wins over Michigan and Iowa in the same season last year for the first time since 1967.
The Gophers were expected to build on last year’s performance, but they’ve struggled with close wins against smaller schools Kent State and Ohio. They have a 1-2 record in the Big Ten and have their work cut out for them to reach bowl eligibility at six wins.
Big Ten Network analyst Gerry DiNardo called Kill a “salt-of-the-earth, genuine person,” but said he was worried about this season.
“I was concerned this year that this attitude of taking the next step that the Minnesota fan base speaks of, this didn’t look like the year it was going to happen,” DiNardo said. “I was worried about how he was going to handle it. I think it’s a tough situation. … I think coaches put tremendous pressure on themselves when they’re in that situation. Jerry is a prime example.”
Despite those wins and returning the Gophers to relevance in his first four seasons, Kill said his decision was bittersweet.
“I feel like I’m losing today,” Kill said. “I just don’t know. It’s an empty feeling.”
University of Minnesota President Eric Kaler said the program has reached new heights because of Kill. The school is scheduled to break ground Friday on a $166 million project to add practice facilities, offices and an academic center, in no small part because of Kill’s success and advocacy.
“The ability to advance our program and join the national stage and a January 1st bowl game and all of those competitive advantages have put Minnesota football on the map that it wasn’t before,” Kaler said.
In August, Kill received a one-year contract extension through the 2019 season and a $300,000 raise. The new contract boosted his total pay to $2.5 million in 2015-16 and up to $2.9 million in 2019.
Kill’s contract also has an option for a university position and an annual salary of up to $200,000.
Kaler said he never reconsidered his decision to stand by Kill in 2013 when the coach missed more than half the season because of his seizures.
“He is the right person for Gopher football,” Kaler said. “I’m sorry that he is stepping away now. I respect that opinion, that decision. It is in his long-term interest, and I never tried to dissuade him from coming back.”
Johnson pointed out the football team’s improvement in the classroom. The Gophers had program-bests in single-year and multiyear Academic Progress Rates, which measure success in the classroom.
“There’s been a huge, huge turnaround for Minnesota football and for the university,” Johnson said. “I think why Minnesotans have affection for Jerry Kill is he was straightforward. There was no baloney. He called them as he saw them.”
NO MORE ENERGY
Kill’s lack of sleep included one day when he came to work on an hour’s sleep, he said. Before what he called a “must-win” game against Purdue, Kill said he arrived in the office at 4 a.m. to put final touches on the game plan in an eventual 41-13 win.
“I don’t have any more energy. None,” Kill said. “I’ve left it all in the great state of Minnesota.”
The Epilepsy Foundation of Minnesota, with which Kill works closely, released a statement saying it was surprised and saddened by Wednesday’s news.
“There are no adequate words to describe his contributions to helping kids with epilepsy chase their dreams, and the inspiration he gives to the 60,000 people in our community with epilepsy,” the statement read.
“The Foundation is proud of Coach Kill and stands with him in his quest to rise above seizures. His strength and courage will guide him in his next great venture.”
Kill said he plans to continue working with Chasing Dreams, his epilepsy fund through the state group that works to improve seizure awareness.
Kill’s wife, Rebecca, wiped away tears as she stood at the side of the podium Wednesday. At night, she often sat in a chair and watched as Kill tried to sleep.
“That’s what she did (Tuesday) night,” Kill said. “Hell, that ain’t no way to live. (Shoot), I’ve taken years off my life and hers. But we both say we’d do it again, wouldn’t we?”
Kill turned to his right and looked at Rebecca as she nodded.
“Damn right,” Kill said.
Staff writers Marcus R. Fuller and Josh Verges contributed to this story. Follow Andy Greder at twitter.com/andygreder.
