I lost my virginity to my friend’s dad and now he wants nothing to do with me

Laura Collins

Published March 9, 2024 6:00pm

Their feelings don’t seem to match(Picture: Getty)

Age gap relationships can cause controversy, especially when the pair have known each other for some time.

This week, we hear from a reader who’s known her older partner since she was a child; he’s her good friend’s dad.

The couple have been together in secret for 11 months, but while she wants to be open, he’s less than keen to reveal all.

Read the advice below, and before you go check out last week’s dilemma, where a woman struggles with having faked every orgasm with her boyfriend of three years.

The problem…

I’ve been involved with a much older man for the past 11 months, but now I think he’s trying to get rid of me. I’ve known him most of my life as he’s a friend’s dad, but our relationship has only become romantic since I left school last year.

He has always wanted to keep our affair secret, but I feel ready now to be open about it, and it’s this that seems to have caused the rift. He is saying we can’t get too involved as there’s 20 years between us, but I already am involved so it’s a bit late for that.

His view is that people would be judgemental if we were open, but he’s divorced so we are not doing anything wrong. I think people should mind their own business as we are both adults and I love him.

I was a virgin until I had sex with him, so what we have together is very special to me. He has taught me so much, not just about sex but about life in general, and boys of my own age seem like silly little children in comparison.

My friend lives with her mum so knows nothing of this, and although it might be a shock at first, I’m sure she would get used to the idea.

My own parents are together and happy, so I’m not looking for a father figure or anything like that. I just want to be open about our love, and I want him to feel the way I do.

Laura says…

This man is your first serious love, so no wonder you feel so intensely about him. But he doesn’t seem to feel the same way, and therein lies the problem.

The age difference in itself doesn’t matter, but I fear your youthful innocence has led you to fall for a guy who isn’t going to make you happy. No doubt he has the superficial charm and confidence of an older man, and perhaps your sexual experiences have been wonderful, but dare I say something feels a bit creepy about him. Lots of little girls grow into beautiful women but surely most men would be responsible enough to steer clear of their daughter’s friends when they are barely out of school.

Attracting a gorgeous young woman might have been an ego trip for him, but now the novelty has worn off it sounds like he’s trying to ease his way out of the relationship. Hard though it is, you should let him, as he has realised it won’t work in the longer term, even if you can’t see it yet.

As for the idea that people will be judgemental – he is probably more concerned with his image than any hurt you may suffer.