Finding out a partner has been unfaithful is heartbreaking — but we don’t all react by packing their bags and changing the locks.
This week, we hear from a reader who’s learnt his girlfriend is cheating with a much richer, much older man.
Despite knowing he’s been betrayed, he’s terrified to lose her, and is desperate to get his relationship back on track.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column, from a woman who’s fallen out of love with her husband, and has had her head turned by a fellow parent she met on the school run.
The problem…
My gorgeous girlfriend is cheating with another man and although I know I should dump her, the thought of losing her just makes me want her even more.
We’ve been living together for nearly two years, but I’ve known something has been wrong for the last few months. She has felt quite distant and when we have sex, it’s always very mechanical on her part – there’s no affection at all. She often turns her back on me in bed and sometimes she stays out all night, claiming to stay with a friend.
I got a mate to follow her one night, and sure enough she met up with a much older guy who owns an upmarket hotel-restaurant near us. He definitely has a few quid – although probably not as much as he would have, had he not two ex-wives and a few kids to pay for.
This bloke is no looker and is a good twenty years older than her, but he does have an Aston Martin and a luxury yacht. I know someone who’s friends with him on social media and says he’s always posting selfies from exotic locations, posing on deck.
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I feel bitter and angry, as I know he’s just a narcissist with fake teeth and tan, who doesn’t deserve her. He will never treat her as well as I do.
I can feel her slipping away and I don’t know what to do about it.
Laura says…
I don’t mean to be unsympathetic, but the sooner this girl ‘slips away’, the better. Your relationship is falling apart and if you’re right, it’s because she’s met someone who can meet her material needs in a way that you can’t.
It doesn’t sound as though you’ve confronted her about her behaviour and frankly, the more you allow her to get away with, the more she’ll treat you like a fool. She’s being shallow and selfish because she can be, but you need to be strong and tell her you’re not putting up with it any more.
I know you think you’re in love with her, so maybe it would put your mind at rest to tell her what you’ve discovered, and make one last attempt to salvage the relationship. At least you’ll know you’ve tried. If she won’t give up this other guy, offer to help her pack and call a taxi for her.
A 20-year age gap works for some couples, but it’s challenging, and although things might seem fun while her lover is still quite youthful and energetic, she may not enjoy it so much when he starts to feel his age.
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It might not last between the two of them, but even if she begs you to take her back, please just say a firm no. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not whether or not you have a fancy boat.
You may not believe it now, but if she does leave, I think you’ll eventually look back on this whole episode as a lucky escape.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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