At Christmas, people brush aside their differences to celebrate with family — but if there’s bad blood or unresolved issues, festive get-togethers don’t always go well.
In this week’s Sex Column, we hear from a reader whose wife walked out on him and their two young children six months ago.
Now things have gone south with the man she left them for, she wants to come back and rekindle the relationship.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column, from a woman who had her first orgasm at 27 while cheating on her boyfriend.
The problem…
My wife left me six months ago for another man, leaving me absolutely devastated. Worse still, she walked out on our two young children who have done nothing to deserve the hurt she’s put them through.
Last week she called me, admitting that things haven’t worked out with her new man, and begging to come back in time for Christmas. Half of me felt thrilled at what she was saying, but the other half just felt angry at the way she’s turned our lives upside down.
I asked the advice of two close friends, who have said completely opposite things and left me feeling even more confused. One thinks I should take her back on condition nothing like this ever happens again, because it would be best for the children and us as a family. The other friend takes a different view; he said she’ll only cheat again and the best thing I can do is move on with someone else.
My parents are divided, too – my dad thinks I should forgive her, but my mum is full of anger and will never speak to her again.
My wife promises that leaving this guy is her decision, and that realising how much she loves and misses us all is the reason she wants to come back. She blamed the affair on an emotional breakdown, and said there was just too much pressure with work, marriage and motherhood, and she needed to escape.
I still love her, and I know the children would be overjoyed to have their mum back. I just feel so torn.
The advice…
So, we know what your parents and friends think, but what about you? You say you still love her, but can you forgive her and put this unhappy episode in the past?
There’s no set answer to your predicament because so much depends on how you both deal with this. For example, if you allow your wife to come home but continually bring up her dreadful behaviour, a reconciliation will never work. Similarly, if you welcome her with open arms but she continues to be unfaithful behind the scenes, your relationship will ultimately be destroyed.
There are a couple of things that are absolutely fundamental to a successful reunion. Firstly, you must talk honestly about what went wrong (preferably with a counsellor) and rebuild trust in each other; and secondly, you must both be able to put this behind you and move forward in a positive and constructive way.
More Trending
Don’t take her back because you’re lonely, or you’re dreading Christmas without her. Take her back because you want a future with her not just for yourself, but for the family, too. Children deserve to be brought up in a happy home, so only reconcile if you feel this is what you can provide.
Please don’t worry about negative reactions from your mother, or your friend – people who love you will want the best for you. If they see how happy you are, they’ll soon come round.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
MORE: A rare condition killed my brother – I’ve been diagnosed with the same
MORE: I told my 7-year-old the Christmas secret and loved her reply
MORE: ‘It’s just a bit of DNA’: The reality of being an egg donor in your 20s
