I climbed into bed with my partner — then he stopped breathing

Alexandra Meyer

Published December 22, 2024 10:00am

Isabella is preparing for a very different Christmas this year (Picture: Isabella Day)

For years, Isabella Day attended craft classes, learning to perfect her skills as a jeweller.

One afternoon, in 2017, she had the fleeting thought that the teacher she’d been learning from for years, Ford Hallam, smelt lovely.

It was then that the realisation dawned on her: she’d fallen in love.

As Isabella, 51, says ‘It wasn’t the plan but it was okay, because he’s fallen in love with me too.’

The pair spent seven ‘pretty perfect’ years together, until tragedy struck. Devastatingly, Ford passed away earlier this year.

It means that Isabella, who has always loved this time of year, will be spending her first Christmas without him.

Isabella was deeply in love with life partner, Ford (Picture: Isabella Day)

She tells Metro: ‘If the grief I feel now is the price I pay for the happiness I had with Ford, I wouldn’t switch it, even if this Christmas season feels overwhelming.’

Isabella, a respected jeweller and goldsmith, met life partner Ford, also a renowned artist, in 2013. She had been researching a specific craft technique, when she Googled and found videos of Ford demonstrating it.

She didn’t know it then, but her life was about to change. Isabella says: ‘I immediately felt I had to go and meet him.’

After that first spark of romance in 2017, Isabella and Ford took the mature approach – they had a conversation about their feelings for each other, and embarked upon a relationship.

‘We were very clear about what we needed from each other,’ she says.

Isabella moved to Devon from her native Birmingham to be with Ford, and alongside her own business, began documenting his work. He wanted to share his skills online, for free, to help other pupils learn.

Isabella says: ‘We were a brilliant team. He was the funniest, kindest, most interesting man.’

The pair were an impressive team (Picture: Isabella Day)

In 2021, the pair opened a workshop, a way to spend even more time together.

‘I was so happy,’ says Isabella. ‘We visited Japan together and shared so many adventures. Every day was a celebration.’

The pair also enjoyed happy Christmases together with their children – each with two sons from previous relationships between the ages of 16 and 30.

She says: ‘We’d have a big, traditional Christmas. It was beautiful.

‘We would always talk about the things we were grateful for and things we wanted to do better.

How to cope with grief at Christmas

‘Christmas is often a high-pressure time and that is particularly true if you are grieving,’ Julia Samuel, a psychotherapist specialising in grief, previously told Metro. ‘Often the build-up to the day is worse than the actual day, so it helps to prepare yourself beforehand.

‘As a friend of someone who is grieving, the most helpful thing you can do is acknowledge how difficult Christmas is likely to be. Maybe go for a walk and talk with them to brainstorm ideas that might help mitigate against the day being a total disaster.

‘Discuss what is most difficult — naming it takes some of the poison out of it and sharing that collectively lightens the burden.

‘Suggest something that you can have physically in the room as a touchstone to the memory of the person who has died. It could be a photograph, flowers or a significant memento. Sometimes it is good to cry and feel warmth of the past happiness.

‘If your friend decides they have to cut Christmas altogether, help them work out how this might work? Volunteering? Going away?

‘If you are personally grieving, recognise you need to allow yourself to feel your grief in all its unpredictable storms and actively seek support.’

For more information visit Cruse Bereavement Support or call their helpline on 0808 808 1677.

‘We would do stockings in the morning and open our presents after lunch.’

But Ford lived with a health condition that was a backdrop to their lives.

Over 20 years ago, he’d contracted polymyositis, a rare condition causing the immune system to attack the muscles.

It caused weakness and breathlessness, but Ford had been in remission for years.

They spent big family Christmases together (Picture: Isabella Day)

Isabella says, ‘Whatever we did, we were in no rush because he couldn’t rush, so life was slow.

‘Ford only had 28% lung function and used a wheelchair. We knew we didn’t have forever, but we thought we had time.’

But in summer 2024, Ford fell out of his wheelchair, and his condition began to deteriorate rapidly.

Isabella says: ‘When he fell out I actually fell over too trying to help him. We even laughed about it and I said we needed to be more careful.’

But within weeks, Ford lost movement in his legs and soon, he couldn’t get out of bed.

‘He was always stay positive,’ says Isabella. ‘I was conscious we needed to talk about the future, but he thought we had longer.’

But in August, Ford was admitted to hospital. Doctors attempted to treat him, but he continued to deteriorate. Then, doctors broke the news that his heart was failing, and nothing more could be done.

Devastated, Isabella gathered the family in hospital and didn’t leave Ford’s side.

The pair met after Isabella saw videos of Ford working (Picture: Isabella Day)

She says: ‘I slept on the floor of the hospital. I didn’t want him to die without me there.

‘The boys came to say goodbye and he was given medication to calm him and help him breathe.

‘In the early hours of the morning, I climbed into bed with him and fell asleep for two hours. I woke up in a panic that he might have died and I hadn’t realised, but he was still breathing.

‘But five minutes later, he died in my arms. It was peaceful, the best thing I could have done for him.’

Ford passed away aged just 61. He was buried in a decorated cardboard coffin, and his funeral was live streamed with loved ones paying their respects from around the world.