A widow’s heartbreaking Christmas story brought tears to my eyes

‘My partner died 15 years ago, and this is the first time I’ve been able to open a Christmas cracker.’

It was Christmas 2023 and I was at the London LGBT Community Centre, at a Christmas Eve dinner. It was my second year working at the centre and I was talking to the wonderful folk who arrived for the evening.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to an older man open up to me. He told me he didn’t have a family that welcomed him, and no longer a loved one by his side. This was one of hundreds of stories of loneliness I’ve heard over the years. 

We often think about isolation affecting mostly older people but we see at the centre that, especially in a city like London, people of all ages, sexualities, genders and identities are affected.

But Christmas and the holidays in particular are a really difficult time – there is a high risk of homelessness in the queer community and relationships with families can be hard – it can be a lonely time for LGBTQ+ people.

That’s why the London LGBTQ+ Centre first decided to put on an annual Christmas Eve Dinner in 2021 – to provide a sanctuary space around Christmas to serve different needs in our community.

I personally understood the need for this space – I grew up in London and used to have a strong queer community around me, but as people got older and London became more expensive, more people moved away and I found my world getting smaller. 

It’s harder when you’re part of a marginalised community – and as a queer and trans person, the pool of people I have access to is smaller than others. So, I started going to events at the London LGBTQ+ Community Centre, then began volunteering in 2022 and finally ended up working there in 2023.

The centre gave me a community I needed, and I want to give that back to the community.

While the centre is open to anyone, the safety of our team and the people who visit us is still very important to us. I have chosen to be anonymous to protect my own privacy and safety as a queer person, but also because all of our team deserve credit for the wonderful work they do, not just me.

There are multiple reasons why people want to come to our dinner – for some, it’s the only festive meal they’ll have this season, for others it’s a way of storing up some community love before heading to see family that doesn’t accept them fully.

And unfortunately, many of our regular visitors to the centre are homeless or in insecure or unsafe housing, which only makes it more important to us to put on the dinner. 

Around 3% of the UK population aged 16 and over are LGBTQ+, according to the most recent census data, but research from the Albert Kennedy Trust shows that nearly a quarter of young homeless people identify as LGBTQ+.

On top of that, nearly half of all LGBTQ+ people in the UK have experienced at least one form of homelessness in their lives, according to the 2022-23 UK LGBTQ+ Housing and Homelessness Survey. 

This can happen when someone comes out to their family or loved ones, and they are ostrasiced, cut out of people’s lives and left to fend for themselves.

LGBTQ+ people are also highly affected by social isolation, with studies from multiple countries showing that we are more likely to be affected by loneliness and social anxiety – however these same studies also show that being involved with community and community activities reduces not only loneliness, but also anxiety, self-stigma and boosts self-esteem.

That’s a big part of why the centre exists and why we focus so much on social activities and meet-ups in our programming – being connected within the community really does improve people’s quality of life and the Christmas dinner is just one part of that.

A lot of support services, including the centre, are closed or on reduced hours over the Christmas period, so the meal is also a way of sending people off on the break with a nice experience and of course any leftovers, until we return in January.

Our Christmas dinner is cooked by Foodchain, a wonderful charity dedicated to feeding and supporting people with HIV.

We usually provide a warming winter soup, with bread, fruit, mince pies and other desserts, and of course Christmas crackers – last year someone was kind enough to donate us some Xmas puddings too, which we raffled off at the dinner for people to take home. 

All of the dinner and any presents we’re able to hand out is paid for through community fundraising and it always blows me away how generous people are. 

Being LGBTQ+ can be lonely and isolating – not everyone experiences the warmth of Christmas

A lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community have lived through hardship and isolation so when we’re doing well, we want to give back and help out others going through the same things.

It’s served by centre staff and volunteers, but of course the attendees are always happy to help out too – it’s a communal effort getting the meal served, tables laid, and leftovers boxed at the end for takeaways. We even make sure that everything that’s not eaten on the day goes home with someone.

Being LGBTQ+ can be lonely and isolating – not everyone experiences the warmth of Christmas. Even mentioning Christmas plans can put someone in a difficult or painful place.

So if you are asking someone about theirs, be mindful you may be touching on a difficult subject.

And if you can, invite them to a Christmas party, meet them for a coffee, tell them about the London LGBTQ+ Community Centre Christmas Eve dinner and spread the Christmas cheer.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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