If you’re looking to settle down into a healthy relationship in 2025, you’ll need to get off on the right foot.
Of course, it can be easy to get swept up in the romance of it all. The sexual attraction, the chemistry, the back-and-fourth banter over drinks in a bar and late night phone calls are enough to make anyone swoon.
But in the New Year, singles are going to be focused on ‘future proofing’ their relationships, according to dating site Bumble, with 95% of them saying that their hopes for their future are impacting who and how they date.
This means important conversations that were once reserved for further down the line, are now being broached in the early stages of dating, with more than a quarter of women looking to discuss relationship issues before becoming exclusive.
With that in mind we thought we’d share the nine questions you should be asking your date before you take that next step.
Thought of by Jeff, known as Therapy Jeff on TikTok, who is a licensed professional counsellor specialising in relationships, the questions are designed to help avoid any misunderstandings in your partnership.
They’re also intended to set clear boundaries, get a feel for how that person is in a relationship and to check that you want the same things.
So, without further ado, let’s dive in with the juiciest question of all…
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Does anyone else think they’re in a relationship with you right now?
Saying you’re not in a relationship is one thing but knowing that you might have lead someone on – even if you don’t have any desire to continue seeing them – is another.
Jeff says: ‘This is different from “are you in a relationship right now?”. But, also include that, is there a situationship or a current love triangle?’
By asking this, you’ll make sure there aren’t any unfortunate surprises a little further down the line.
What’s your definition of cheating – both physical and emotional?
‘Be very clear here, because sometimes we have wildly different ideas of what counts as cheating. Talk about flirting with other people, liking hot babes on social media and watching spicy videos,’ Jeff explains.
What you may think is acceptable might not be to your new partner, so setting boundaries right from the start avoids any unnecessary hurt.
What kind of relationship do you want?
There are all types of relationship dynamics in this day and age, with alternatives to monogamy becoming more popular all the time.
‘Monogamous? Monogamish? Poly? Do you want to open it up in the future? What’s the plan? Do you even want a plan?’ Jeff questions.
If you’re not aligned in the relationship type that you want, it’s likely to cause some big issues in the future.
How do you feel about living together eventually?
Society will tell you that moving in with your partner is part of the expected cycle at some point, but that doesn’t have to be the case.
Jeff says: ‘Is it a goal for you or would you prefer something like living apart together? Do you see moving in as just testing the waters or does it mean we’re definitely on the path to marriage?’
What kind of wild stuff are you into in the bedroom?
Everyone has that special something that turns them on. Whether it’s a foot fetish, food play, BDSM, a giantess kink or more – there’s no shame in what gets you going (as long as it’s legal).
‘Remember, the goal isn’t to yuck their yum,’ Jeff explains. ‘You just want to understand what to expect as things heat up.
‘It might give you something to look forward to or time to mentally prepare and get on board.’
It goes without saying though, that if something isn’t your jam, you should never engage in any sexual act that makes you uncomfortable – enthusiastic consent is sexy.
What’s your biggest worry about us?
‘You probably have some concerns about where things might get tricky, put them on the table and see if you can talk through them,’ the counsellor says.
‘Maybe they’ll reassure you, or maybe it’s something you’ll need to work on accepting together.’
This could be anything from your relationship timelines, being aligned on whether you want children, different communication styles – it’s whatever is personal to you.
Are you prepared to be my primary emotional support?
You might naturally assume that the person you’re in a relationship with would be your primary emotional support, but some people can struggle with this.
Jeff says it’s important to question what emotional support looks like for you? One person’s way of helping, may not be the type of help you feel you need.
He also suggests that if your partner isn’t going to be your primary support, ask them if they’re happy for you to lean on others.
What are you giving the most energy to right now?
This helps you to understand your partner’s priorities and what is important to them.
If you are giving energy to different things, are you okay with that?
‘Understanding this can change but, is it school? Work? Creativity? This relationship? Family? Friends? Partying?’ Jeff adds.
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What do you think is important for me to know as we move forward together?
Lastly, we’re ending with a broad question.
‘This one is open ended for a reason,’ Jeff explains. ‘See where they take it, it often leads to really honest and insightful answers.’
There’s no blueprint, just say what comes to mind.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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