There are few things quite as cathartic as weeping. You know the feeling: Perhaps it’s a rainy day and you’re cuddled up under your duvet, purging yourself of all those pent-up tears while digging your hands into an extra-large bag of Cheetos and watching Elle Woods throw chocolates at her TV. And while on its face, this looks like a depressing affair, you suddenly feel lighter … like maybe you can take on another day. That’s why it can be especially frustrating when you feel like you need to release some stale emotions, but you can’t seem to figure out how to make yourself cry.
Listen, it happens to the best of us! Even your resident Pisces group chat member can become so overwhelmed with a laundry list of emotions that it becomes impossible to process them all. And sometimes dissociating, or tapping out emotionally, is the easier route. Of course, there are a number of complex, underlying reasons that could be inhibiting your ability to cry: Perhaps you’re disconnected from your emotions, or you’ve been conditioned to view weeping as shameful, or you’re a man who has sadly been brainwashed to think that “real men don’t cry.” But in reality, weeping is one of the healthiest outward expressions of emotions, regardless of gender. Studies have shown that crying naturally reduces stress and lowers your body’s manganese levels, which is associated with anxiety and irritability. A less irritable existence? Sign me up.
If you’re having one of those days that calls for a good cry, the Cut staff has lovingly compiled some tips to help you get the tears flowing. Happy crying!
Put on sad music.
If you ask someone for advice on how to make yourself cry, “listen to sad music” is an obvious answer — precisely because it’s usually pretty effective. Fire up your Spotify and put on an old breakup playlist, or perhaps Blue — and in particular, “River” — by Joni Mitchell. A few other song suggestions from Cut staffers: “You Had Time” by Ani DiFranco, “Putting the Dog to Sleep” by the Antlers, and “On the Nature of Daylight” by Max Richter. Orchestral music also lends itself well to repeat listening, so if you feel a big sob swelling inside of you, hit the repeat button and lie down. Or sample a tried-and-true divorce album à la Adele or Kacey Musgraves.
Afterwards, you’ll likely find yourself in higher spirits than before: According to a study published in Scientific Reports, crying to depressing music actually produces a measurable sense of pleasure.
Turn to sad movies that have made you cry in the past.
If music isn’t doing it for you, try recalling the films, televisions shows, or even commercials that have made you weep in the past. For one Cut writer, Boromir’s death in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring and the poem scene in 10 Things I Hate About You make her weepy. When another staffer is looking for something to “fuck her all the way up,” she rewatches the tragic scene in season one of Grey’s Anatomy, where Izzy’s love interest, Denny Duquette, suddenly dies and “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol slowly swells in the background. I’ve been known to revisit Budweiser’s Clydesdales commercial with the lost puppy, which is an instant tearjerker. Past Lives with Greta Lee is also guaranteed to destroy you, emotionally speaking.
If none of those speak to you, we’ve compiled a list of the 15 best sad movies on Netflix. There’s also always the first few minutes of Up. And when you’re ready to stop crying, we’ve got advice for that, too.
Conjure up your most tearful memories, or imagine a hypothetical one.
Another way to make yourself cry is to reflect on past experiences in which you were memorably sad: breakups, going through a divorce, deaths of loved ones, or times you felt betrayed or hurt by someone close to you. Or try imagining scenarios, hypothetical or otherwise, that would make you very, very sad. One suggestion: How the world will look in 15 years if we continue to respond to our global climate catastrophe with zero urgency. Very sad, indeed.
Think about what you’re thankful for.
If recalling sad memories isn’t the right route for you, try putting yourself in a more positive headspace and think about what you’re grateful for. To get the tears rolling, one editor at the Cut thinks about how much her mother helps her care for her kids.
Move your body.
Have you considered walking it out? Moving in any capacity — be it going for a walk down the block, dancing in your room, or taking a candlelit yoga class — can also help move emotions through your body. As yogis know, most instructors will refer to “heart openers” or the emotions we store in our hips throughout class to explain the surge of emotions members might feel welling up during their practice. For one Cut staffer, a ballet class can also cue the tears when accompanied by a live pianist.