I was checking out the Instagram Stories of some of my favorite accounts to follow and I had to take a screenshot of this question-and-answer post by @themisfithouse. It caught my eye because this is a question I have received regularly over the past 15 years of sharing online. It also caught my eye because I loved the honesty of Monica’s answer.
It doesn’t matter who you are, getting things done is a give and take.
I think the danger of watching things happen online is that it feels so easy and instant. We assume the people we’re watching get those things done on top of the things we do. We assume they do those things by themselves. And, we assume that everything happens in the timespan it was shared. We assume they do it all. It’s a good time to offer the reminder that no one does it all.
In church last week, I was catching up with a sweet woman who attends and she said, “Oh, it looks like you’ve been doing a lot of painting lately and you have a sale coming up.” She reasonably assumed that I had been doing a lot of painting because I was sharing a lot of paintings. The truth is, I did most of those paintings months ago and only two of them were recent. I have been busy working on the yard and home projects, finishing up some client work, and increasing my exercise (walking about 3 miles a day.) I simply haven’t had as much time at the easel lately (although I’m hoping to do more painting soon.)
When I’m getting a lot of projects done, the house isn’t as clean. When I paint more, I work on the house less. When I’m engrossed in yard work, I lose track of time and work right through making dinner and feeding the animals. When I rest more, I get less done. I’ve had people waiting for months for a commissioned painting and it’s not because I’m working on other paintings but because I am busy with other things and I don’t paint full time. There are only 24 hours in a day and when I do more in one area, I do less in another. Anyone who is getting more work done than can be done in a 24-hour day has help behind the scenes.
I’ve almost always had help as I’ve been sharing on this blog. When the boys were little, I had babysitters a few days each week so I had time to work while they were playing. When I had a studio outside of the house, I had our house professionally cleaned every two weeks. When I refinished furniture and sold antiques, I had people who worked for me to help with shipping, furniture prep, and painting. There are seasons when we’ve had meal services so dinner was easy. I often order groceries and have them delivered so I don’t have to spend time picking up staple groceries. I order a lot online. Jeff drives the boys to most of their activities. I’ve had an assistant for over 10 years who helps me with managing the blog, and social media accounts, and developing new products. You get the idea. I don’t do all that I do without help and utilizing resources that save time.
I wanted to share this as an encouragement if you look at everything everyone does on social media and feel like you’re falling behind. Life is a race and you’re losing. Just remember that you’re only seeing their highlight reel and it’s unfair to compare that to your behind-the-scenes. You’re seeing what is curated, styled, and edited. You’re seeing the victories and few of the failures. And, in most cases, even “real life” is selectively shared. You’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg.
So, next time you think, “How does she do it all?” about me or anyone else you see online or know in real life, just know… She doesn’t.
PS – If anyone you’re currently following makes you feel like you’re not hardworking/productive/creative/smart/talented/rich/skinny/pretty/young/fit/blessed enough, then I would encourage you to mute or unfollow them for a while or forever. Bring things into your life that build you up and challenge you in ways that make you better.
I once had a subscription to a certain “lifestyle” gal’s magazine and I always suspected she had a little help getting all her projects done. Thank you for your honesty! Each of us only has 24 hours in our day…some just use them more wisely.
Now that I am older I do not feel the need to be busy, busy, busy and produce all kinds of things. Sometimes I just want to sit on the patio with a glass of iced tea and call it a day. I am happy I did so many things when I was younger; I am proud of what I accomplished. I am happy to observe others and cheer them on.
I needed to hear that- we all do. You are right- it is easy to see online everything and everyone at their “best”, REAL LIFE just isn’t like that. I too have wondered how YOU did it all. Your house always seems spotless and dust free, you have time to be creative, read etc. I’ve been feeling “not enough” lately- thanks for the encouragement- we all need it!
“If anyone you’re currently following makes you feel like you’re not…enough, then I would encourage you to mute or unfollow them for a while or forever. Bring things into your life that build you up and challenge you in ways that make you better.” Thank you so much, Marian, for your words of encouragement. I am struggling a lot with being on a board where all the others far out-perform me even though it’s all I can reasonably do. And I regularly get the message from them that “you’re not enough”. Your words are a blessing to me this morning.
Thankyou for posting this – I needed to hear this today. Falling short can bubble up inside and can be destructive. You have made me feel so much better today with just your simple words.
thank you
I love your blog, Marian. I especially love your honesty and the ways you encourage your readers. This post, in particular, reminds me of things my church leaders have said: “Don’t compare.” And, “Do your very best.” Especially don’t compare our worst with someone else’s best, or perceived best, from an online photo.
Thank you for this post.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”..Theodore Roosevelt.
Thanks Marian. We all needed to hear that. As women, it has been engrained in our heads we have to be best Wife, mother, daughter, friend, housekeeper, decorator, etc all while looking amazing. It often leaves us feeling like we are not enough. I have always loved your authenticity. This was just a reminder to us all that we are enough. Its ok to not be perfect. I still do like to look at all the pretty
pics even if they are all filtered. Lol Thank you again 🙂
Thank you, I really needed this at this time.
Amen! Thank you for your honesty. It is not only much appreciated, it is very refreshing.
Now you have done it again…confirmed that you are the “authentic” human that I have been observing for a number of years. Thanks for sharing your honest self and for giving your readers both permission and encouragement to be “real” too!
Such honest, profound truths. So many reasons to love your blog! You inspire with reality; the bathroom ceiling posts. That post could have been me writing about trying to paint over an entire townhouse that had been lived in by heavy smokers. Trying to paint a popcorn ceiling that turned brown because of all the nicotine embedded in it. We had to use Kilz sealer multiple times. We had to borrow scaffolding to do it right. Today, I would’ve had the ceilings scraped and all that yuck removed. Thank God for TSP (Trisodium Phosphate) at least the walls were doable. One good note was not worrying about the wall to wall carpeting; it was an awesome dropcloth. Once the painting was finished we cut up all the carpeting and pad, and let the cement floors get washed and sealed. After almost a month, new carpet pad and carpet were laid. We also tiled the kitchen and master bath and half bath. The other full bath floor cleaned up nicely. After finishing all that work; we lived there for 4 months. We had an open house on a Sunday, from 11:00 to 4:00. It sold that day to a realtor and she wanted a 30 escrow, so she could move in. We split the difference and did 45 days. This was March of 1978 in Fountain Valley, California. Since then we have fixed and lived in twenty plus houses from San Diego, Orange county, Silicon Valley California to Cobb county Georgia. We are in our forever home (21yrs.) on 16 acres with a remodeled farm house in the Pacific Northwest; about 24 miles from the Pacific ocean.
AND THIS IS WHY, I have never ever taken a break from your blog, but have taken a break from all the others. Your PS statement is SO powerful.
I really, really needed this today.
Hi Marian,
Thank you~ you have framed this so beautifully. I work hard on giving myself permission not to do anything. I have done most things when I was younger and was super productive..with work, family, crafts, volunteering, entertaining, etc..and it felt easy for me then. I think part of my conception of you is that you are so multi~talented and you have so many interests, some of which I have adopted, that it appears you must not sleep, all while I know you are a daughter, wife, and mom, and attend to your family well. A key take away for me is that I perhaps need more help today than I might have when I was younger so that I can do some of the things I enjoy the most.
Again, beautiful post~ thank you!
“To thine own self be true.”
Cynthia 🙂
ps~ I was in process of writing a post last week to thank you for the idea of using my cake plate (that I was going to give away) to show off pretty dishes from my mom and grandma, etc. and the post disappeared.. 🙁 So, I thank you! A grand Marian idea!
This is why it’s so dangerous to look at someone’s social media and make foot-in-mouth assumptions and/or comments like “It’s looks like you’re……” or “Boy, you get to do a lot of….” or anything else. I read recently that in place of “Hoe are you?” we should ask “What are you dealing with these days?”. Let people tell you what they’re dealing with instead of assuming from curated views.
Well Said!
A simple thank-you says it all! Thank you for reminding us that no one can do it all. Very encouraging words and a very encouraging blog!
A quote comes to mind, although I don’t know who said it: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. When people don’t feel they are doing as much as someone else is, they might begin to feel inferior. But, feeling that way is negative self-talk and should be recognized as such. We could revel in what we can accomplish instead. We can be a little envious or wish things were a little different for us, too, without feeling inferior.
This is wonderful!! Thank you Marian 😁❤️👏🏼
Amen!!
I’ve really needed to hear this lately. Thank you for your honesty and compassion.
As I’ve grown older, I have shortened my expectations of myself for each day. Now I am happy if I make progress toward completing ONE task in a day. If I accomplish more than that, then it is a mega-win! Most days I go to bed happily satisfied that I got something done, even if it was only the dishes, and some days I just let those dishes sit there and do something creative all day instead. “Learn to labor, and to wait” as Longfellow said in his poem “A Psalm of Life.”
Amen <3
Wonderful post. I can honestly say I have never thought that people on social media do it all, it’s impossible. I can’t remember who it was that said you can do it all, just not all at the same time.
I love this post. We all have 24 hours in a day, but actually only about 18 hours of it to work or play. I have to give up this or that to work on whatever project I chose for the day. I appreciate your honesty in your post. Thank you.
Thank you dear one. This needed to be heard!
In a different perspective, lately it has been a challenge to manage my time in all aspects. My Boyfriend was in a motorcycle accident a few weeks ago and tending to him has been a priority. Cleaning and finding time for everything else has been on the back burners. I felt as if I was a bad housekeeper/ girlfriend and also not being able to enjoy the things I love to do( gardening, Reading , painting). It was overwhelming getting behind but then he reassured me that I hadn’t had time and I was taking care of him. Knowing it wasn’t bothering him made me feel much better. Then he picked up his guitar and starting playing and HE inspired me to paint. We, in turn, had creative time together as he is healing and on the mend. The Dirt will always be there. Making time for each other was way more important.
Boy, did I need to hear this today. I work full time and try to help my elderly parents as much as I can. We have a small beach cabin about an hour and a half from where we live and I cannot manage to make it down there often enough to care for it the way it should be maintained.
I love the cabin. It brings me comfort and joy and renews my spirit. I think I need to make it a priority and let other things wait. I will be working on this goal thanks to your encouragement.
Thank you so much for sharing this – rationally, I know that we all have the same amount of time in a day but it can be easy to forget that when you’re struggling with time management. There is so much I want to accomplish, but after working a full-time job during the day there’s only so much I can do. Family time comes first, and then whatever is left in the day goes to my creative stuff. I have to learn to give myself more grace.
THANK YOU! This is a great example of why I love your blog so much.
Wow! We all needed to hear that! Thank you!
Amen! Again, thank you for your honesty, transparency, and for just being “real.” “Real” is not over-rated, and this is why we all love you.
Thank you for being so honest and uplifting by sharing your real life experiences with so many strangers. I look forward to your posts.
Hi M. This is an excellent article, very timely in this culture of instantitis and tyranny of the urgent.
AMEN!! Thank you very much. I love your blog for visual inspiration, but my favorite posts are the ones that inspire mindset adjustments such as this one. It is so helpful to know that we can change the way we think and the way we process all of the stimulation around us. Much thanks and best wishes to your family and helpers!
I don’t think I have ever commented on a blog post before, but I had to do it today. Thank you so much for this very real and kind reminder that we are not running a race and it is ok to not do it all. 🙂
Well said. You’re such a rock star!
Well said. that’s why I enjoy your blog so much!
Thank you so very much for expressing what we all know but keep denying: none of us has more than 24 hours in each day. And life demands so much more than perfect homes, gourmet meals, productive passions, gorgeous gardens, etc. I love your blog, have never commented, but this post demanded a compliment/comment.