Dear Auntie,
I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost five years. It was all good as usual in the early days, but the problems started later on. I am a social person and meet with friends whenever I get the opportunity. It was always a bone of contention between us that I had too many friends, including females.

First, it was a problem regarding only female friends but, later on, even male friends became an issue. I have always tried to tell her that she has her own importance, but I’m social by nature, and hence, I can’t help but attend social gatherings.

I don’t want to end this relationship in any way, but I am unable to control my social impulses. I am in a dilemma as to how I should handle this. Kindly help me.
Social Bee

‘My Long-Distance Partner Doesn’t Like My Socialising’

Dear Social Bee,
It is tough to balance your social nature with the expectations of someone you care about. Long-distance relationships have unique challenges and, when trust around social interactions becomes strained, it can feel overwhelming.

From what you’ve shared, it seems initially your friend was uncomfortable about female friends and is now uncomfortable about male friends too. This could possibly be about insecurity or the fear of losing you, which is understandable, given the distance between you. The fact that you’ve tried to communicate to her that you are social shows that you value honesty, but it’s clear that what she really wants is reassurance.

Trust is the foundation of long-distance relationships. Ask her, (nicely) what exactly makes her uneasy. Listening to her concerns will be important in sorting this out. While it’s important for you to honour her feelings, she also needs to understand that being social doesn’t mean being unfaithful or neglectful.

Start by reassuring her that she is important to your life. Simple reminders can make a significant difference, so you don’t necessarily need to rent a helicopter and load it with roses (although if you can, go right ahead!), but about showing her, in small ways, that she matters. A thoughtful message or act can go a long way

Also, have a conversation about the boundaries you both need to set with others. Instead of defending your socialising, involve her in the process. Making her feel that her input matters can also help bring you together. Be willing to compromise, but don’t lose yourself in the process. Your social life is clearly a big part of who you are and giving it up entirely would only make you resentful.

Trust is the foundation of long-distance relationships. Ask her, (nicely) what exactly makes her uneasy. Listening to her concerns will be important in sorting this out. While it’s important for you to honour her feelings, she also needs to understand that being social doesn’t mean being unfaithful or neglectful. It’s very possible to maintain a social life while being committed. You just need to find a balance that works for both of you.

Stay patient and open to change, but remember that a healthy relationship allows space for individuality as well as togetherness.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, December 1st, 2024