What are the best strategies to effectively communicate with angry or upset people?

In my experience anger is often an emotion fronting another emotion. By that I mean that there is something underlying. Slowing down your own words, demonstrating that you are listening with non verbal cues such as a head to the side can help to create a calming atmosphere so that you can listen attentively to how the other person is feeling.

Para desarrollar esta escucha activa es importante no personalizar , ser consciente que el interlocutor está transmitiendo su experiencia y frustración pero no tomarlo a lo personal ayuda a poder enfocar la en la solución.

Além de ouvir ativamente, é importante validar os sentimentos da pessoa que está irritada ou chateada. Validar significa entender que aquele momento não define a pessoa mas que ao mesmo tempo tem muita importância pois há uma dor transbordando naquele momento que não deve ser ignorada.

In a conversation with an angry person, the first and fundamental thing is to know what is provoking the person's emotions. On many occasions, we tend to stay on the surface and evaluate their situation from our perspective. We tend to make value judgments such as "it's no big deal" or "I don't know why it bothers him/her". And we spend little time getting to know the real reasons for the person's situation.

As a two-time best-selling author of EQ-based books, there is nothing more powerful than someone bearing witness to your experience. People really just want to be seen. When we are able to check our own ego or intense emotional reaction in favor of simply showing up, and actually LISTENING to what someone is saying in a heated moment, we are giving them the space to BE seen and witnessed in their experience. We can't think, speak, or act rationally when we are in a fear state - and anger is almost always fear in disguise; allowing the kindness of simply listening before responding, and without the pressure of "needing to be right" or "win" is the most human-centered approach to handling conflict like this.

Ouvir sem se precipitar nas respostas. Ouvir com real vontade de compreender sem julgar ou criar rótulos. Essa acolhida é essencial para uma comunicação mais assertiva.

Expressing empathy can be valuable in conflict resolution. It does not mean that you have to feel their feelings. Empathy is about demonstrating that you understand what they are feeling. This can be powerful.

Lo que la persona está sintiendo y como le está afectando sólo él o ella son capaces de sentirlo con esa intensidad que nadie más sabe, y posiblemente haya más cosas detrás de ese enojo por lo que entender sin minimizar las emociones es no sólo importante, necesario.

Esto es sumamente necesario. Una persona enojada o frustrada no estará en el mejor momento para razones o validar puntos de vista externos. Es indispensable hacer esta validación para que pueda ver que estamos en la misma línea y que nos importa, genuinamente, llegar a una solución. Validar los sentimientos de esa persona es, podría decir, el primer paso visible para llegar a una solución.

In my experience, you need to pay close attention to both body language (non-verbal) cues and verbal cues. Because if you are focusing too much on trying to agree with their point of view or validate them, but your body language is showing the complete opposite - they will pick up on this. When you play close attention, try a combination of both verbal validation techniques: "I see where you are coming from..." "Interesting that you think this way, tell me more." "I am curious, and I understand you feel this way. What about..." If you don't agree with them, don't pretend you do but instead use active listening to understand where their point of view is coming from.

When expressing your own feelings, use "I" statements to express yourself. For example, instead of saying "You're always making mistakes," say "I feel frustrated when mistakes are made." Goes a long way!

Ser honestos es fundamental. La transparencia es muy necesaria en estos momentos. Aprovechar la oportunidad de también mostrar nuestro sentir es algo sumamente positivo, pero como en toda negociación, debemos hacerlo con prudencia, evaluando la posibilidad en función de como va respondiendo la otra persona. Hacerlo así, al menos en mi caso, me ha sido de mucha ayuda para, si hay disposición de solucionar, aprovecharla. Si no, para no hacer más grande el problema.

La transparencia es importante, si realmente nos preocupa una persona molesta y queremos ayudar, hay que ser genuinos y honestos en la forma de como si podemos ayudar. Si hay algo que es nuestra responsabilidad aceptarlo, aprender, ofrecer disculpas de ser necesario y por supuesto actuar con conciencia en el futuro.

During my emotional intelligence workshops in a business culture where emotional safety is still low or not embedded in the culture at all, this is tricky. I often hear: "Nadja, I can't say to my manager "I feel hurt." He would dismiss me as weak and not professional. So what I do is use emotional disassociation techniques through personas and case studies in a fun way. I first provoke positive emotions through team connection, so everyone feels more at ease and less stressed. Than we look at different personas with different emotional markers and simulate these conflictual conversation. Then we discuss in a non-judgemental environment, where the participants assess the impact and outcome. This makes all the difference.

Este, pienso yo, debe ser el punto medular de todo esto. Sobre todo, una solución donde ambas partes tengan un beneficio y que este beneficio, sea en pro de solucionar el problema original. Si esto se tiene en el radar, podremos siempre llevar a muy buen término el poder tratar y comunicarnos efectivamente con personas molestas.

Calmly suggesting compromises or solutions to a problem can help rapidly deescalate a tense discussion - as it suggests you are offering an olive branch and trying to meet them halfway rather than standing your ground on every single point. Obviously in areas of things like ethics this isn't always possible - but most things in life aren't so black and white.

Si la otra parte lo permite, sin duda ofrecer una solución que en conjunto que satisfaga a ambas partes es vital. Aprender de la experiencia y evitar sucesos similares hablará realmente de nuestra real intención de mejorar.

Keep in mind that often, seeking a solution while someone is angry is not a good idea. In those moment, the immediate need they are trying to meet, and you are trying to meet is to reduce the discomfort of anger - not find a common sense solution. Always take time to reflect and talk about it again when the emotions are out of the way in the sense you can focus on practical solutions as a way forward.

I would definitely say it’s very helpful for a person that’s angry or frustrated to seek a solution even if it’s a small chance of being successful because it shows you’re going out of your way to help them. Showing that care usually can help someone feel validated for being upset and tend to feel thankful rather than angry. Working as a prison officer I would come across many angry people. Once I found out what the issue was I’d find the solution and the person tends to become grateful. Someone only gets angry when they feel they’re not being listened to or acknowledged from my experience

On some occasions I find a need to step away from the situation, cool off and come back after some space and time apart. Understanding your audience is key to the best approach when engaging

Excelente alternativa buscar el momento adecuado para dejar que se calmen las aguas, siempre que sea posible. Ayudará a no maximizar las cosas.

Tomar en cuenta que no vale la pena cargar con pesares ajenos y ser muy cuidadosos en lo que absorbemos de los demás y del entorno.

There is a flip side to this advice, because those who have low levels of assertiveness and self-regard, may take this as: I should take the angry behaviour as normal, and I am the one who need to work on myself, so I can cope with the other person's anger. This creates more and more toxicity in the long-run, reduces productivity and increases performance anxiety. If you are dealing with someone who shows chronic anger issues, self-care is not enough. You can't get better in the same environment that made you sick. What you can do as a general rule of thumb, to make sure you don't carry negative emotions with you throughout the day. They will only add to your risk of chronic stress levels.

Anger is never alone. It is a mask covering hurt, jealousy, grief to name a few. Understanding what lies beneath helps reach its cause. Superficial ways to deal are short term. Help understand the message beneath.

Solía trabajar en una área en donde llegaban muchas personas molestas, enojadas, con crisis nerviosas y tristes; la experiencia me llevo a estos consejos: cuando tengas que enfrentar a una persona enojada prefiere un lugar público, en donde tengas identificada las salidas y el personal de seguridad que pueda ayudarte. Durante la conversación deja claro que no puede agredirte fisicamente, evita los movimientos bruscos y habla de forma calmada.

Sometimes we can be with someone who is so angry that they cannot hear whatever is said to them. In this situation it is best to say to our self "no contest" and to recenter into our hearts.