One of the most important skills in mentoring is listening. Listening is not just hearing what the other person says, but understanding their perspective, emotions, needs, and goals. Listening helps you build rapport, trust, and empathy with your mentor or mentee. It also helps you identify their strengths, challenges, and opportunities for improvement. By listening actively and attentively, you can learn from your mentor's insights, experiences, and advice, and you can also help your mentee express their thoughts, feelings, and aspirations.
Effective listening is more than talking less. Its about demonstrating active listening, maintaining a nodding gesture and asking genuine questions to understand more. That's what encourages the speaker to continue expressing themselves further. Another aspect of listening to learn is to have an open mind and absorb the nuggets of wisdom by being flexible to learn. You need to learn by keeping your beliefs aside.
In my experience, we don't talk much about "deep listening" as much as we should. Deep listening goes beyond understanding someones perspectives. It requires both parties to actively leave all judgements and previous notions aside and look at the topic at hand through the lens of experiences. When both the mentor and the mentee can share their experiences, views, and thoughts... Newer, richer, and deeper conversations unfold. That's where transformation happens because now we've found ourselves with a new data set that we were previously blindfolded to.
I totaly agree. Mentoring, especially for mentors is a great way to work on their listening skills. However they have to consciously work on this skill, as it is very easy to start talking and giving your advice. Mentors definitely should not start with stating their opinion. They must start with listening and asking questions.
Wondering how much listening affects you student`s outcome and performance? A study by the American Psychological Association found that students who had mentors were more likely to graduate from college than those who did not. A study by the National Mentoring Partnership found that students who had mentors were more likely to have higher grades and test scores than those who did not. A study by the University of California, Los Angeles found that students who had mentors were more likely to be employed after graduation than those who did not. By listening to their students, mentors can help them achieve their goals and reach their full potential. Listening matters!
I received some good advice once. If you want to succeed, find a mentor who is just ahead of you and learn everything you can; make yourself available to mentor others just behind you and generously help; walk with integrity and compassion alongside your peers, the best training ground for future mentor/mentee opportunities.
Another key skill in mentoring is asking. Asking is not just posing questions, but engaging in a meaningful dialogue that stimulates learning, reflection, and action. Asking helps you clarify, explore, and challenge your mentor's or mentee's assumptions, beliefs, and behaviors. It also helps you elicit feedback, suggestions, and support from them. By asking open-ended, probing, and constructive questions, you can deepen your understanding, broaden your perspective, and inspire your mentor or mentee to think critically and creatively.
If you don't ask the answer is always no. And if you ask then the probability of having a yes can take place. So the key is not to self-reject and just give it a try. 3 Questions to ask before choosing a Right Mentor: Know the person well before you ask him or her to become your mentor ➡️ What experience and expertise does the potential mentor have in my field or area of interest? ➡️ What is the mentor's approach to mentorship, and how does it align with my goals and needs? ➡️ What is the mentor's communication style and how do they prefer to work with their mentees, and how does it align with my own communication and work style?
Asking allows you to understand their level of understanding and commitment to a certain task. Which then allows you to fill in any knowledge gaps with relevant training. Open questions all the way!
This is simple to understand. if you don't ask you don't get. When you learn to ask for what you need, it's not only going to boost your confidence but it will boost your financial status. If you need help, no one can guess that. Even the bible says "Ask and ye shall receive". As you indicate asking open-ended questions helps to add richness to the conversation and you will learn more about people.
As a mentor, the power of asking questions illuminates the path of discovery, ignites curiosity, and empowers mentees to uncover their own wisdom and solutions.
A third essential skill in mentoring is giving. Giving is not just providing information, but sharing your knowledge, skills, and resources in a way that adds value to your mentor or mentee. Giving helps you demonstrate your expertise, credibility, and generosity with them. It also helps you offer guidance, direction, and encouragement to them. By giving relevant, specific, and actionable information, you can help your mentor or mentee achieve their goals, solve their problems, and overcome their challenges.
I have always believed in the philosophy of 'giving' more than I 'take or consume'. I try to provide all sorts of actionable insights, knowledge and experiences gained throughout my academic and professional pursuits, on open source platforms, so that it can provide real life, on a large scale. Mentors should have this, much needed quality of characteristics, in order to helps their mentees achieve their goals and higher objectives.
Giving skills is actually an ironic challenge I've seen arise between mentors & mentees. The foundation for the mentor-mentee relationship is giving, but unfortunately, many mentors today still don't understand HOW to "give" in a way that enriches the learning. A lot of the mentors tend to overgive (over-share, etc.) and that may sometimes lead to paralysis by overanalysis for the mentee. Knowing the capacity of the mentee is crucial to providing them the relevant, specific, and actionable steps as part of the mentorship.
Mentor-mentee relationships are the most productive when they are reciprocal. As a mentee, provide ideas to your mentor. Let them know the skills you have which they might not.
No-one knows 100% of their role, there is always something to learn. The difference is discovering through open questions what you need to mentor them on i.e. what they already know but wants to enhance or develope and what the gaps in their knowledge are.
Giving is about imparting knowledge or support and nurturing the seeds of potential, fueling growth, and empowering others to thrive.
A fourth important skill in mentoring is receiving. Receiving is not just accepting what the other person says, but appreciating their contribution, acknowledging their feedback, and implementing their recommendations. Receiving helps you show your gratitude, respect, and openness to your mentor or mentee. It also helps you leverage their input, learn from their mistakes, and grow from their successes. By receiving honestly, humbly, and positively, you can enhance your performance, improve your results, and advance your career.
Mentoring can help you improve your communication, feedback, and coaching skills in many ways. By developing these four skills: listening, asking, giving, and receiving, you can make the most of your mentoring relationship and benefit both yourself and your partner. Mentoring can also help you develop other skills, such as leadership, teamwork, and problem-solving. If you want to learn more about mentoring and how to find or become a mentor, check out our other articles on this topic.
As a mentee, the art of receiving is a gateway to growth, for the seeds of personal transformation take root and bloom in the openness to guidance and wisdom.
Create a action plan to use the new skills you obtain. Putting these skills into action will allow you to practice them. Over time, they will become 2nd nature.
Think about what info was shared and take a note of how you can take action - ask for clarification if you think it would help and make sure you truly understand what feedback was provided. The mentor took time to develop the suggestion - make sure you take time to process and know what can and should be done in the near, medium, and long term. These mentorship outcomes can be goals set at the start of each relationship too!
it’s important to share from your life experiences, what worked, what didn’t work, what we learned along the way. What we would do differently. Share our flops, fears and doubts. teach them to build strength and character and how to stay with challenges and not give up.
One of the biggest benefits of mentoring is the self-development we also receive. We often identify in others what we lack in ourselves.