How can you prevent mentorship fatigue?

Adding variety to the way mentoring sessions are held can bring a level of enjoyment and excitement to both the mentor and the mentee. If the session does not need to be at a computer, then use the time to meet up outside. Walk and talk away from devices and computer screens. Use the opportunity to not only pass on knowledge to another, but to also exercise and clear your mind.

In my books, the primary reason for mentorship fatigue is Mismatch! Where there is an imbalance with the motivation levels or skill levels between the mentor and the mentee. Fatigue starts to creep in. Both attitude and aptitude levels of the two should be in sync. Else you always feel you are waiting for the other to catch up. That's when you start dodging those meeting, hitting the reschedule button. And dreading the conversations. Selection and filtration at the initial stage is key to avoid mentorship fatigue in the first place.

The key lies in finding the right match. This comes at two levels: 1) the mentee (are they really open to what you have to offer) and 2) the problem they want to solve (you do have relevant expertise). Of course, this is often hard to know at the outset and indeed the problem they want to solve may not be the key problem that's blocking their progress. For your own sanity, sometimes you have to walk away if you feel the match isn't working. Yes, you want them to be successful but it's their business and the decisions are theirs to make.

Good mentors are in high demand. Great mentors want to share their expertise and lessons learned, taking others to the “next level”. Personally, I have had mentors for different aspects of my development. It has never been a one-stop shop. Similarly, when I mentor others I generally only focus on areas of my expertise. A key to avoiding mentor fatigue is walking away from a mentor/mentee relationship that is not working. Not every mentoring relationship works out, and the ability to step away and suggest another mentor who is more suited to the mentees needs reduced fatigue massively! Not every mentor is right for every learning goal or stage of a career, so it should be at this point that the mentor rules themselves in or out.

Having clear expectations within any relationship is important, but especially in mentoring. I find it helpful to state expectations at the beginning of the mentoring relationship, to get clear on both what the mentee is looking for and what I can provide. Because of my style of mentoring which is very whole life integrated, I am also intentional about prioritizing what I need to do for myself for to be well. For example, I prioritize having my own care team of mentors, peer support, and health professionals, having healthy rhythms in my life that include days and seasons of rest, and having healthy boundaries. I have a lifestyle of pouring into others as I am being poured into so that I am rarely left feeling emptied out and resentful.

When we travel ✈️ we’re reminded at every flight we must put the oxygen mask before helping the person next to us out theirs. The same goes to mentoring. First, we need to take care of our well-being and mental health first. Second, we must detach emotionally when we’re done mentoring. It doesn’t mean we will remove our empathy and support for the mentee, it means we place a healthy boundary that don’t interfere with my mental health and self-care time. Our bodies are wired to warn us when we’re losing self-awareness. We must listen to our inner self and respond to avoid burnout.

When taking on a mentee you both must set up the parameters of the mentoring relationship. Setting boundaries is the fuel that drives the relationship and sets the expectations. Here are a few things to cover. 1. Outcomes - what are you both expecting to achieve from the relationship 2. Context - where are you expecting to add your expertise or advice? 3. Cadence - When do you meet and how long for? 4. Method - in person or online 5. Accountability- the relationship should be driven by the mentee not the mentor 6. As a mentor your job is often more effective by active listening. It’s not your role to do all the talking

Ever find yourself rescheduling meetings with a mentee? Frustrated there's no clear agenda to a conversation? Overwhelmed with predicting where to go next with the mentorship? You may be feeling tired and developing avoidant tendencies. These signs indicate a need to check-in on the mentor - mentee relationships. During your next connect, ask the mentee if they are still getting value out of the connections and reassess the structure (frequency, length of time, sending agenda ahead of time, mentee driving the conversation, etc.). You are in this together and both parties need to contribute to the dialogue.

"Listen to the natural wisdom of your body." More often than not, when something is off, your body will send a signal to you (and your brain). Touchpoints with mentees may feel like a chore and you may even have clouded judgement. Some people may approach and ask "Is everything alright?" Thus, if one can't tell that one is experiencing mentorship fatigue through self-reflections, the people closest to us would likely be able to tell through oddities in our behaviour.

It is essential to refill your mentorship bucket. You cannot simply empty the bucket and ignore refilling it. Look for ways that energize and invigorate your mentorship dynamic. Remember that mentorship should be bidirectional. Fill your bucket!

The fundamental flaw to steer clear of is gnawing guilt. Mentors must wait, they’re not entitled to assume you’re free endlessly for them. Help bring discipline into the process by drawing lines early and changing them when needed. No guilt. It’s a process of giving. Best done when you’re not stressed. Sure learn from others doing the same stuff but your mental and work rhythm is unique to you. Mentees need to observe and recognize that, it’s an important learning too. Give them your best insights, not your hurried checking-the-boxes stuff. For that you need to be chill. Not riven by guilt or pressures.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to meet with your mentee every week. A lot of mentors get this part wrong so they overcommit and the the mentee relationship becomes burdensome. Your mentee should be progressing ideas and actions in between the times you meet and sometimes there isn’t enough of a gap to implement if you meet every week (unless they are working on a time bound project e.g a presentation or a talk) then once every month or 6 weeks should be sufficient. Also you should make clear to the mentee that it’s okay to cancel if there is nothing to discuss in particular - respecting each other’s time is key .

Through my experience of working with thousands of people across the globe, one important thing I have learnt is that we must maintain objectiveness and not get too emotionally or personally invested in a mentoring engagement. While I don't mean that we must be uncaring, we must not get carried away and expect the mentee to live our dreams, per se. We all have our own goals and objectives and just like that, our mentees have their own goals and objectives too. Some are very serious about their goals whereas others are not. If the seriousness is asymmetric then we have a problem. Overall, I like to view the success of the mentee as a new learning opportunity while reveling in the satisfaction of helping build a career.

One thing I found helpful to prevent this is setting a specific number of sessions per week up ahead each week, with a particular time limit for each session. For example, I tend to have at least 3 sessions per week with 30 minutes each as a primary goal for myself, most of the time I only take these 3 sessions however, sometimes if I'm feeling up to it I can open more sessions with a maximum limit of 6 sessions per week. This way I can contribute as an effective mentor for my mentees while being conscious of my limits and not being fatigued or burnt out.

Someone once shared "You have mentors for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Accept that not all mentorships need to be an extended rapport, it's perfectly fine to meet once or twice then go your separate ways. Past mentors have said they take on 3 mentors at a time, another mentor spent 20% of his time on mentorship. Figure out a way to quantify what you're able to give. If you've experienced mentorship fatigue, it's an indication of finding your outlier, your extreme limit. Scale it back from where you were and celebrate knowing you found your limit, then create a boundary for the future. Test, iterate, check in on that boundary as you continue on the mentorship journey.

One thing to consider is your mentees, experiencing fatigue is a bad thing for the mentor, and if not communicated clearly and effectively it can also badly affect your ongoing relationship with your mentees, Always respect your mentees and communicate anything that can affect your mentorship with them. We're humans and it's OK to be down sometimes but what's not OK is to also drag people who believe in us and depend on us down, be honest, be respectful, and above all be responsible to your mentees, Always.

Being a mentor is an informal relationship that can if managed properly go on for years as you grow together. Equally, it can end after one or two sessions. The main thing to remember is that it should be beneficial for both parties. Mentoring is a wonderful thing to be able to do but it must align with your life and commitments too. Most solid relationships flourish when clear boundaries for the relationship are set and adhered to. Your mentor relationships should be the same.

One thing I've found truly helpful is to consider reverse mentoring too. When one takes on the mindset of being willing and ready to learn from one's mentees, that goes a long way in reducing fatigue as the process becomes a win-win journey for both mentor and mentee. I have personally learnt a lot from the youth I have mentored and it is pretty refreshing. It value adds to my life and proves to the mentees that the relationship is richer and more meaningful than they may think. I may not be the perfect mentor but I definitely strive to be one who improves based on feedback so I often remind myself, to be open, flexible and always be ready to learn and listen.