Danielle Colleman’s Post

Danielle Colleman

Mental Health & Personal Development Facilitator & Speaker: Empowering individuals to conquer anxiety and trauma to reduce stress and increase productivity l Trauma Informed Workshop Facilitator | 1:1 Healing Sessions

8mo

Navigating self-blame, or what I call toxic accountability, often does more harm than good. Instead of perpetually blaming ourselves, mUnderstanding how our behaviors stem from coping mechanisms shaped by our environment to help us feel safe even though self destructive allows us to forgive ourselves. Realizing that many negative habits are automatic responses from our nervous system, influenced by surroundings, enables a deeper self-understanding. Real change starts when you start to forgive yourself and actively work on replacing the self destructive habits holding you back💙 #SelfReflection #ForgiveYourself #accountability

Transcript

Toxic accountability is not spoken about enough when what I'm talking about is self blame. A lot of hair achievers that always like just push through, just stand the other day are the most people that have this toxic accountability, which is good in the short run, by long term is not as effective because The thing is because you don't want to victimize yourself and you understand that you don't have control over what other people do. You only have control over what you do. They just push through stuff instead of dealing with certain things that they have and most of the times when you've made certain mistakes and stuff. That might affect other people as well. You get it's easy to get into a self blame thing. But then The thing is when you actually understand how certain things that you've been through, I've actually shaped your mind and rewired your brain sometimes to get you into coping mechanisms that are actually self-destructive that hurt you and other people around you. You actually understand that certain things that you did was not just because you were a bad breed or you just didn't listen. It was things that actually keep yourself safe because you didn't know positive mechanisms to do that. And sometimes to keep yourself safe, you had to hurt others. But people weren't actually understand because they've not actually taken the time to look at themselves. Or sometimes the shame is too hard to actually look at, so they just push through. And that's the toxic accountability. Because The thing is not that they're blaming every everyone else. They're blaming themselves. And sometimes it's so hard to forgive yourself because you have so much of an expectation of yourself, but you're not actually giving yourself credit for certain things that you had no control over. And sometimes you have to give the blame to someone else, and it's not even blame. You have to say this is the part that you played. And this is how it actually ended up showing up in my life. And this is how it ended up with me making certain decisions. And you can forgive yourselves for making certain decisions because you realize that it was all to keep yourself safe even though you did hurt yourself and others. But we don't stay there now. After you're able to forgive yourself, you can make different changes. Start to rewire your brain. Rewire your nervous system so you can. Actually regulate yourself properly and better and no longer have a coping mechanism that's hurting others, but if you always stay just pushing through it. Whatever you run away from will run you. So it's going to keep on coming back until you actually face that and even though you might say take accountability and say yes, I've done wrong or this, that and the other that's not the endpoint, the endpoint is actually dealing with that problem and unplugging the route, getting it out.

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Danielle Colleman

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