10 Leadership Lessons from “The Courage to Be Disliked”

In "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, the authors dive into the philosophy of Alfred Adler, encouraging a radical mindset shift that can help leaders break free from fear and self-limiting beliefs. Let me share my personal reflections on ten transformative lessons from this remarkable book that leaders can use to improve their leadership approach and foster a more positive, empowered environment for their teams:

1. Lead Authentically – Stop Trying to Please Everyone

As a leader, it’s tempting to try to meet everyone’s expectations, but this only leads to frustration and inconsistency. True leadership comes from within, based on your values, vision, and goals. Be confident in your decisions, even when they are unpopular, and trust your instincts. Your authenticity will inspire others to follow your lead, and your actions will have a deeper, more positive impact on the team.

"You do not exist to please others. Lead by being true to yourself." - Kishimi and Koga.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

One of the quickest ways to erode self-confidence is to compare your leadership journey to that of others. Every leader has a unique path and pace. Focus on your own growth, and celebrate the successes of others without feeling inadequate. Comparison leads to distraction, but focusing on your own strengths drives continuous improvement and better decision-making.

"Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on your own growth instead." - Kishimi and Koga.

3. Accept Criticism – It’s Part of Leadership

No leader can please everyone. If you lead based on fear of judgment or disapproval, you’ll be held back by indecision and anxiety. Accepting that not everyone will agree with your approach is liberating. When you're comfortable with criticism, you become more decisive and effective. By embracing the possibility of being disliked, you can make bolder, more impactful decisions that benefit the team and the organization.

"The moment you are free from the need for approval, you begin to lead effectively." - Kishimi and Koga.

4. Prioritize Your Own Responsibilities

Leaders are often quick to help others before attending to their own priorities. While it's crucial to support your team, it’s equally important to ensure your own responsibilities are managed effectively. A leader who neglects their personal growth and duties will eventually feel overwhelmed, making them less effective. Balance your own development with the support you offer to your team, ensuring that you stay on track without neglecting others.

"Take care of your tasks first before assisting others, and you will be more helpful in the long run." - Kishimi and Koga.

5. Reject the Excuse of Past Trauma

While past experiences shape us, they don’t have to define us. Leaders may carry emotional scars or negative experiences that influence their behavior, but those experiences don’t have to become barriers. Instead of using past traumas as excuses, view them as lessons that have built your resilience. Leadership is about growth, and you have the power to choose a new path regardless of past hardships.

"Trauma is not your fate. What you choose to do with it defines your future." - Kishimi and Koga.

6. Foster Horizontal Relationships

Effective leaders understand that leadership isn’t about hierarchy but about partnership. Treating others as equals fosters a culture of respect and trust. Instead of positioning yourself above your team, work alongside them. This horizontal relationship-building creates a stronger, more collaborative environment where everyone feels valued and motivated to contribute.

"Lead on equal ground with your team. Building mutual respect strengthens the entire organization." - Kishimi and Koga.

7. Embrace Your Individuality and Encourage Others to Do the Same

Great leaders celebrate individuality, both in themselves and in others. Embrace your unique qualities, and don’t try to conform to societal expectations of what a leader “should” be. Similarly, create a space where your team feels comfortable being authentic. Diversity of thought and approach drives innovation and creativity, and this only happens when people feel safe to be themselves.

"Be unapologetically yourself, and inspire others to do the same." - Kishimi and Koga.

8. Problems Stem from Relationships – Master Communication

Most challenges leaders face can be traced back to interpersonal issues—whether with team members, stakeholders, or clients. To resolve these problems, leaders must be skilled communicators. Build trust, manage conflicts with empathy, and cultivate strong relationships. By mastering the art of relationships, you’ll address the root of most problems and create a more harmonious work environment.

"All problems are rooted in relationships. By mastering communication, you can master leadership." - Kishimi and Koga.

9. You Can Change at Any Moment

Leaders often feel stuck, believing they are bound by their past choices or habits. But leadership is about growth, and at any moment, you have the power to change. Whether it’s shifting your mindset, evolving your strategy, or taking on new challenges, you can always redefine your leadership journey. Embrace the potential to transform, and lead your team through change with optimism and courage.

"Your future is not predetermined. You can change your leadership path at any moment." - Kishimi and Koga.

10. Recognize That You Are Not Inferior

It’s easy to feel inadequate as a leader, especially in a world full of high achievers. But feelings of inferiority are self-imposed. Every leader has strengths and areas for growth. Instead of letting self-doubt hold you back, recognize that these feelings are part of the human experience and can be overcome. Shift your mindset from "I’m not enough" to "I’m growing every day," and lead with confidence.

"You are not inferior. You are growing, evolving, and leading with purpose." - Kishimi and Koga.

Incorporating these lessons from "The Courage to Be Disliked" into leadership practices can create a more authentic, empowered, and resilient leader. By focusing on self-awareness, interpersonal relationships, and embracing individuality, leaders can cultivate stronger, more collaborative teams, and ultimately lead more fulfilling and impactful lives.