The 100% Myth : Why Early Career Therapists Don’t Have To Be Perfect

Let’s go back in time to 19th century Paris, where a certain painter was all the rage. His works were breathtaking—my personal favourite being the Water Lily Pond. Yes, it’s none other than Claude Monet! Despite his incredible talent, Monet destroyed 500 of his paintings because they weren’t “perfect.” Imagine the expectations the great artist placed on himself! And Monet wasn’t alone—perfectionism is my therapist self’s nemesis too. 

Fresh out of graduate school, I was eager to start my first job. But just two months in, I fell seriously ill and had to step away. Even after returning, lingering exhaustion made it hard to fully engage in sessions, leaving me frustrated and disappointed. As my clients delved deeper into their emotional experiences, I fell further into a shame spiral. What kind of therapist wouldn’t be a hundred percent invested in their client? A loud, nagging voice kept saying, ‘Anything less than a hundred percent is a disservice to your clients.’ Only later, through supervision and reflection, I recognized the unrealistic expectations I was placing on myself. And something tells me you – my fellow therapists – may have a nagging voice of your own. 

We often discuss the misconceptions clients hold about therapy and the expectations they place on therapists. We know that this added pressure can hinder the therapeutic process. Yet, we often overlook the expectations we place on ourselves, especially as novice therapists. 

Freshly launched into the professional world, I often felt that it was my duty to bring positive change to my clients’ lives. This drive came from a deep desire to prove myself in the field—after all, didn’t I enter this profession to help people? While I’d heard from mentors that meaningful change takes time, I couldn't help but feel like quick results were the true marker of success. This is a common trap for novice therapists because seeing immediate progress validates our skills. How, you ask? An upward progress graph proves to the client that we’re competent. The client may compliment us, thereby quenching our own insecurities. In fact, we erroneously assume a linear positive relationship between client satisfaction and our competence. So, we may start to adopt clients' expectations as our own, pleasing them by giving in to their desire for quick fixes. This bias leads us to ignore the real contributors to client retention—factors that go beyond just our own abilities as therapists.

Clients often put their therapist on a pedestal. Ignoring our human existence, they may assume we have superpowers. However, are we not guilty of the same? Do we not forget our humanness at times? As a new practitioner, I reflected on my expectation to be a hundred percent present in all sessions, with all clients, a hundred percent of the time. An expectation to dodge personal triggers. An expectation to seamlessly handle all client issues. An expectation to be a hundred percent competent. 

What was important to realise here was that my human self and therapist self aren’t two exclusive entities. Both of them reside within me and overlap significantly. So, it is also okay to not be a hundred percent at all times. It is okay to feel triggered in session. I too am subject to the calamities of life. I may fall sick or experience a crisis which may affect me during sessions. The important thing is to acknowledge our reactions and build awareness of our internal sensations—just as we guide our clients to do. Self-awareness is the first step in recognising whether our reaction is a projection of the client’s emotions or the result of a personal trigger. Once we build this awareness, we are better equipped to distinguish between the two. And the final step? Self-compassion. It is absolutely okay to feel out of our depths at times. Just like our clients, we too are a work in progress.

We seem to set ourselves up for failure with our expectations. Unable to meet these unrealistic expectations, we deprecate our own capabilities. We go deeper down the shame spiral, battling feelings of guilt and incompetence. This fear of incompetence, research suggests, has various consequences. First off, it exacerbates negative or ‘disengaging’ emotions like irritation. These pent up emotions can create distance between client and therapist and contribute to compassion fatigue. Moreover, we lose trust in our skills and the therapy process. Disheartened by our inability to meet these “gold-standard” expectations, our self-esteem dwindles and we become further insecure… Exactly what we did not want! Now, we are stuck in a reinforcing vicious cycle of insecurity. No wonder we feel exhausted! 

Does it not look like a self-fulfilling prophecy? What would you tell your client in the same situation? Probably a healthy dose of validation with the encouragement to break this cycle. So, how about we do the same for ourselves.” Regular supervision can help navigate these murky waters and remind us that a client’s journey is not entirely in our hands. We do not, in fact, have superpowers. 

It is important that we remind ourselves of our humanity. And just like all humans, we too have limitations. So, let’s practise those positive affirmations we preach! 

Like all humans, there may be times when I cannot be my hundred percent. 

Like all humans, I cannot always be confident. 

I am learning, and that’s what matters. 

I may make mistakes on my way, but I shall learn from those too.