3 Social Skills We are Losing

As with any skill, you use it or lose it.

Knowledge can stick around. I still remember my best friend’s phone number from third grade. I no longer, however, can carry on a conversation in French like I could in third grade. (Loved the French immersion program!) Skill requires practice, even after it’s learned. 

Like all skills, you have to use social skills to retain them. And as a society, it seems we no longer do. Maybe it’s because we’re glued to our phones. Or because we are mostly social online. Or because we’re rusty after the pandemic. Whatever the cause, skills that used to be commonplace have become more rare.

And this is a problem! Without social skills, you lose confidence and relationships. Dealing with people becomes a necessary evil or even a source of anxiety—comments I hear frequently from coaching clients.

Thankfully, it’s easier to pick a skill back up than to learn it new—as I’ve discovered in my quest to relearn French through Duolingo. (Ça va bien, merci.) So, if you lost these basic building blocks of interacting with humans, just start practicing. Social and business interactions will soon become way more fun and valuable. 

Greet People

Nowadays, when someone enters the room, most of us hardly look up from our phones. Our great-grandparents would be scandalized.

When someone graces you with their presence—literally or virtually—acknowledge them. Here’s how:

• Stop what you’re doing.
• Look at the person and, if it makes sense, stand up. Yep, right out of your chair.
• Say “Hello,” or “Hey!” or “A good day to you, kind sir,” or whatever words you prefer to demonstrate that you see them. Use their name.
• Offer a physical gesture—a nod, a hat tip, a handshake, a hug, a fist bump, a wave, etc.—to demonstrate that you are a friend, not a foe.

Use your judgment. Don’t create disruptions with your greetings. But do let the humans you encounter know you see them. Let them know that their presence is more important to you than your digital device. Such a small thing can be a huge deposit in the emotional bank account.

Use Friendly Nonverbals

You absolutely do not need to look welcoming and positive at all hours of the day and night. That would be fake. And exhausting! But do be sure you have friendly nonverbals in your repertoire. It’s hard to engage in conversation with someone who looks bored, intimidating, or who offers zero nonverbal feedback.

Some people are naturally more expressive than others, but regardless of where you land on the continuum, cultivate a friendly expression. My friend calls this “resting pleasant face.” And yes, you can do it, even if that’s not your typical “resting” face. What does it look like?

• A ready smile
• Relaxed facial muscles
• Gentle eye contact (find a happy middle between boring a hole in someone’s skull with your intense staring or never making eye contact at all)
• Attentive posture—stop slouching!

Your body language goes a long way towards how others feel in your presence. It takes intention and practice, but welcoming nonverbals put others at ease which makes them more willing to communicate and work with you.

Keep the Conversation Going

Good conversationalists pass the dialog back and forth to each other. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a conversation. But no one likes long, awkward pauses. On the other hand, it can be just as frustrating to never be able to get a word in edgewise! An engaging conversation takes skills—skills you can master.

Treat conversations like a volleyball drill: The goal isn’t to score points, but keep the “ball” in the air, from one person to another, without hogging it or letting it drop. Just as in the sport, it gets easier with practice. Here are some tips:

• Acknowledge similarities and differences. Don’t make the conversation all about you, but do offer some self-disclosure. Find common ground.
• Be curious and ask open-ended questions. Rapid-fire closed-ended questions feel like an interrogation. The point is not to seek data, but to seek connection.
• Listen with your whole brain and body.
• When asked, offer more than one-word answers. Provide context or a story to go with your answer.

With a good mix of sharing about yourself and expressing interest in the other, conversations can become a rewarding experience that build camaraderie. 

Even the most seasoned master in any skill attends regularly to the basics. Concert pianists still practice scales. Major league baseball players still go to batting practice. All sorts of professionals still renew certifications regularly.

To be a master in social skills, review the basics: greet people, use friendly nonverbals, and keep the conversation going. You’ll have greater success in all your relationships.

Change your communication, change your life.

I’m Rachel Beohm, a writer, speaker, and coach. Through nonverbal communication, I empower clients to show up as their biggest, boldest selves.

If you’d like tips on how to do that yourself, sign up here for “21 Days to Peace & Power.” It’s a FREE 3-week email coaching program that I wrote to help you change your communication and your life.

This blog was first posted on my website. Click here to see the original.