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[4] Opening my Heart
One Line Summary: Most of my life, it´s being difficult for me to express my emotions and to be true to myself.
One Paragraph Summary:
Being half Japanese and Spanish, made me already “different” growing up in a Spanish culture. When I was a child and a young adolescent, I thought that in order to fit in, I needed to do what others do. During my travels and “long-term” stays in foreign countries, with different cultures and societies, I realized that I could be free, free of thoughts, believes and behaviors that do not serve me, and challenge the status quo. Now I believe that as long as I act according to my purest feelings, believes and values, I am and will be fine. This brings me peace and makes me want to share my best with others.
Newsletter
This newsletter starts with FEAR…
Fear of losing, fear of not being loved, fear of being inadequate, fear of not being accepted, fear of being alone, etc.
Name it, all the fears you can imagine, I have experienced them and I am still experiencing them.
The thing that changed completely my life, was the way, the mindset, which with I look and express my fears and other emotions. Reading the book the Art of Fear (Ulmer, 2017) really transform me.
I believe that the fact, of being half Japanese, made me take for granted that repressing my emotions was something normal and the way I should live. This is something that many Japanese, and Asian people seem to suffer from. In Japan (Casey, 2021) there is a famous proverb 出る釘は 打たれる (Deru kugi wa, utareru)” which means:
“The nail that sticks up, gets hammered down”
It serves as a caution against seeking individual attention or speaking out. If they did dare to speak out, they should expect CRITICISM — or even exclusion from the group. It seems that Japanese culture emphasizes CONSENSUS and CONFORMITY.
On the other hand, I am also half Spanish, and after living in different Latino American countries I can see how the catholic religion influences our culture and mindset to conform to certain social standards and rules.
Therefore, in order to maintain the feeling of AUTONOMY around my intrusive parents I learnt to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself (Hendrix, 1988). And basically, I was doing what they did with their intrusive parents. Now I just want to break this pattern or cycle.
“Whatever we don’t deal with in our lives, we pass on to our children” (Mate, 2010)
Travelling around and living in different countries, with completely different cultures, made me questioning all my believes and behaviours.
And I realized that my most important value is FREEDOM. Freedom of thoughts, believes, actions, attachments and responsibilities that do not belong to me (e.g. the happiness of my mother, cultural norms, etc.). So, I can live as I feel is best for me and to the world I want to serve. Live according to my values and life goals, and as Oprah Winfrey said:
“Live my TRUEST, HIGHEST EXPRESSION OF MYSELF”
For this purpose, I learn that being VULNERABLE is one of the most important skills (“practice”) we can have. To have the courage to express myself as I want and allow myself to “get hurt”. It’s better to be my true self and get hurt than repress it and regret it later. As Mark Twain said:
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“We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do”
Therefore, every time I have any doubt, I just do it!
Since otherwise, I found out that I could get crazy and lose myself (anxiety, depression, etc.). As Albert Einstein said (usually attributed to him):
“INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
As Brené Brown (Brown, 2010) states in her Ted Talk, let’s not underestimate the Power of Vulnerability.
Also, I want to DO what I am PASSIONATE about and fill my life with JOY. “We've got to find what we love” (Steve Jobs, 2005) and act according to that. And TRUST the universe, destiny, etc. that everything will work out well at the end.
Also, as Steve Jobs mentioned, being aware that WE WILL ALL DIE SOON, can relieve us of the illusion that we have something to lose.
“We are indeed, NAKED!”
This is also in agreement with Bronnie Ware (Ware, 2012), author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, that it stated that the BIGGEST REGRET of the people in their death bed is that:
"They did not live a life true to themselves, but did what other people expected of them."
Looking back, the BEST EXPERIENCES in my life are the ones that I have the COURAGE to do something that I was first very afraid of. And trust myself that I will be fine after trying. It has always been fine, and usually is much easier and simpler than my mind initially expected.
This reminds me to the Jewish prayer Mark Zuckerberg (Zuckerberg, 2017) says to his daughter every night:
“May the source of strength who blessed the ones before us help us find the courage to make our lives a BLESSING”
Lastly, PERSISTENCE is something that brought me always to the next level. And trusting that DOING what I feel my HEART and INTUITION is telling me, will always work out at the end. As Angela Lee (Duckworth, 2013) found out in her Ted talk, one of the most important mindset or attitude towards LIVING a SUCCESSFUL LIFE is, GRIT.
Now, I look every day, every week as an opportunity to try something new, different that will bring me to the next level, mentally, physically and spiritually. And live each day with lots of PASSION, full of MEANING, PEACE and JOY.
“What about you? – What do you feel? – What's your story?”
SHARING IS CARING and liberate us from our internal ego mind. We are human, emotional and spiritual beings. We are all together and we really love sharing. It feeds our soul.
References and/or Recommended Resources:
Soulful Success Mentor & Coach | Guiding High-Achieving Gen X Women on a Unique Journey from Stress, Overwhelm, & Burnout to Authentic Self-Expression, Aligned Action, & Soulful Success.
2yI think there is something wonderful which is revealed once we start taking our conditioned thinking less seriously Yoshi. With awareness of our thoughts and an understanding that our feelings are just letting us know about our thoughts, old thinking begins to melt away. And what is under all that - The Power of the Universe ❤
One of the top business and leadership experts in the world.
2yYoshi Garnica a very powerful post. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts and emotions. I have felt the same way many times in my life, and you did a wonderful job of describing how that impacts one. Keep up the great work, my friend.
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2yGreat personal insights on how our childhood fleas can come and bite us throughout our lives and not to give it more than recognition and regrounding. Love this article.
Asesora Relación Cliente en Leroy Merlin - España | Licenciada en Periodismo
2yMe ha encantado leer tu post, me he sentido muy identificada a pesar de no ser medio japonesa, jeje 😜. Yo estoy aprendiendo a ser libre, pero sigo sintiéndome responsable de los sentimientos de los demás, por ejemplo. Me apunto el libro de Ulmer, a ver si me sirve a mi también ☺️
Great post Yoshi Garnica. I love the recognition of all these factors from vulnerability, persistence and freedom. It takes courage to live to your own values and resist conformity, and in the workplace leaders need to develop a workplace where this is possible. It is therefore courageous for leaders to follow through on their own authentic self and allow their staff to be able to do it as well. Enabling an inquisitive mind can deliver immense results to the business as well, so it really can be a win/win situation.